- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve been through similar thought processes and it drives me nuts. I try and like “reason” with my mind and be like ok well I will only be with girls then even if I’m “bi”…. The thing that sucks so bad is that my mind tries to give me an “all or nothing” type scenario. I’ve only ever been with girls and many partners/enjoyable times with women so realistically it makes no sense however I always get trapped in these thoughts now and anxious and shaky because that’s not how I want to live my life. It’s like it’s not giving me a choice and it’s a constant battle. I have had a few days of “clarity” where like my attraction to women is undeniable but then sure as your born a few days later my anxiety levels high and I’m back not liking them. It’s so crazy OCD can do this because sexuality DOES NOT change daily and so I try to remember that and sit through the anxiety and hope for the days of clarity. Your not alone in this battle I totally get it!
- Date posted
- 3y
@BostonOCD22 I’ve had those moments of clarity of being straight and then when I try to ignore the the thoughts and feelings my anxiety seems to triple. I try to remember that because these “attractions” come from a place of fear that they aren’t me and just say yeah whatever. As soon as I feel straight my mind starts to cloud up and the thoughts start up again. Typing this I’m realizing I should just go with what makes my ocd take off the most because that’s who I really am and who I was before all of this
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I also had a moment last week where I was mad at the possibility of not being able to go see my boyfriend. I was happy to have this feeling even if it was anger but then my ocd tried to tell me oh you only care about him like you do one of your friends
- Date posted
- 3y
i feel like i know what you mean except that i didn’t accept my thoughts as a new sexuality. i don’t feel false attraction anymore either it’s just thoughts and crazy anxiety now.
- Date posted
- 3y
@nobody03 I should’ve put “accept” in quotes my apologies. I still experience false attraction from time to time (it gets worse sometimes because I don’t have thoughts of being with them romantically or sexually) but my body/mind still try to convince me I do
- Date posted
- 3y
@nobody03 My mind does sometimes try to morph my boyfriend into a woman when I’m with him or gives me thoughts that like “you’d rather he be a woman” and things like that which I try to ignore and just focus on the moment
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous i experience the exact same thing and i hate it so much. it’s so off putting i try to ignore it and i thought i was the only one who ever thought that. i know my thoughts aren’t facts but they’re still distressing. it feels good not to be alone
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous i guess we just have to stay strong and realize these are just thoughts. it’s easier said than done
- Date posted
- 3y
@nobody03 I’ve heard that’s classic HOCD for that to happen. It even distorts memories as well. I think this is an extension of the depressive episode I went through related to school. I didn’t feel anything for anyone for a while and then it started happening. I also think because of the security of the relationship with my boyfriend and the high possibility we could get married my brain is trying to keep me in chaos because that’s what my brain is used to (didn’t grow up in the best home environment). I never felt this way before this and that’s what I try to remind myself of and try to trust that
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous maybe it could be related. i went through a depressive episode too and i left it untreated. but i’m just glad to know that we’re not alone and we’re not our thoughts. but it’s hard to recognize that when you’re in the spiral of anxiety
- Date posted
- 3y
@nobody03 Especially when you’re having a good time and then as soon as you see someone of the same sex you just have instant fear and then even if you’re not actually attracted to them the fear is what causes the false attraction. That’s what I try to remember is a lot of these false attractions come from fear and if they come from fear they aren’t real
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous i know that’s what exactly what i feel too. hopefully we can overcome this bc it’s so debilitating
- Date posted
- 3y
Sexually* or romantically
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
So pretty much I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life, I had no idea could’ve been symptom of OCD until maybe a year ago , I have this fear right now that I don’t actually love my fiancé and I’m not attracted to men. I am attracted to men. Let me be clear. I’m not attracted to females. I never have been and I never will be. But it’s one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had that I don’t actually care about the person that I would sacrifice anything for that I would do anything for. He’s pretty much the closest family that I have and I just wanna be with him for the rest of my life. A couple months ago was that I just didn’t care at all, and I didn’t have any feelings and everything that I felt was me being fake in that nothing was real. But I eventually got over that and the new thought is that I’m actually gay even though I know I’m not. And in the world we live in now where it’s be yourself be you if it comes across your mind. That’s the obvious truth. Be yourself… It’s kind of scary to think about. I just want it to leave me alone. I’m actually so scared that eventually I’ll believe it because some thoughts that I’ve learned were intrusive. I ended up starting to believe and it turned into a whole catastrophe for my life. I met this girl and she felt a certain way about her husband and then she told me that eventually I’ll feel that way and ever since then I just I haven’t gotten over this fear that I’m gonna end up feeling the same way she is. Also, I recently got over a few themes. I’m not ready to share, but I’m so proud that I got over those and I just I’m waiting for this one to leave me alone and it’s not and I’m starting to get really scared that it’s true and I don’t want it to be true. and just to be very clear I don’t care who you love what you love who you like what you identify as because you can in fact be yourself but this just doesn’t feel like me. I’m genuinely reaching out to try to get help for this because now it’s messing with our personal life. We’ve never argued so much in our entire relationship and now I realize that it’s mainly my fault because I’m detaching myself from all emotion just so that I can get over this thought I’m detaching myself from all intimacy and that’s even scarier because what if it’s not me detaching myself and it’s me just not being attracted that’s another thought I’ve hadI’ve gone all long enough so thanks.
- Date posted
- 19w
I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?
- Date posted
- 19w
I don’t know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i haven’t got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they don’t bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and that’s what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
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