Fear of birth control

I'm roughly 2 months pregnant and I'm struggling so bad with OCD (specifically surrounding psychosis/postpartum psychosis, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, etc). I'm so discouraged because I was sub-clinical for over a year and this pregnancy and the hormones are undoing all of my progress. And it actually seems so much harder than BEFORE when I was at a low point. It feels like the hormones are ruining my brain and making me lose my mind. I keep looking over my shoulder, getting intrusive images of scary hallucinations that I might start to get, i fear hurting myself or my baby, etc. Psychosis in pregnancy is 1 in 1000. That's not that rare. I feel like I just upped my chances of my biggest fear happening and I have so much regret and fear around that. I'm also a Christian and I'm relying on God so much more now than ever, but I'm afraid of that too because people in psychosis often have religious delusions and I can't tell if I'm slipping into that or if God is really just using this trial to pull me closer to him. I just feel so defeated. I feel like ERP just isn't going to work for me because the hormones are a whole different animal that "normal" people with OCD don't have. Like they're making me immune to ERP or that ERP isn't for people like me and I'm hopeless.

I have had OCD my whole life and was diagnosed by a therapist 2 years ago. Specifically I struggle a lot with health, contamination and pure ocd. I was doing exposures and really felt like I conquered by contamination ocd. With the health ocd I have an intense fear I will have a food or medicine allergy and go into anaphylactic shock. This takes up a lot of my energy day to day. Within the past year, we bought a home, renovated and recently got married. My husband wants to start trying for a baby soon but I am not ready at all because of how much I feel like I have gone backwards with my anxiety and ocd. This spiked a lot with the stress of wedding planning. I’m scared pregnancy will spike my health/contamination ocd even more and I won’t be able to handle it. I always wanted babies but now that it’s getting closer and I know how much ocd I truly have I am so nervous I will cause myself and baby more stress than good. Does anyone have positive stories of TTC/pregnancy/PP and motherhood with ocd?

I never used to really care about my health unless I got sick and just took some meds and went about my day. Last fall I was diagnosed as diabetic. In the winter my car was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and I ended up with extremely bad anxiety and anticipatory grief like I have never felt before. My other cat now is on two medications for health issues. I was in the hospital in march for diverticulitis. I have a pinched nerve from trying to do yoga. A few weeks ago I had a colonoscopy and now I’m having mild tremors and some numbness and tingling in my extremities. My anxiety is through the roof. I went to my primary doctor who thought it was my medications having a bad side effect so she took me off it. The tremors have gotten somewhat better but the numbness has not improved. Okay where am I going with this? Every day I get this gnawing anxiety that makes me feel like I need to go to the hospital but I don’t go for financial reasons and because I’m terrified that they’ll make me stay overnight or I’ll get another bad diagnosis. How do I live like this ? I’ve never dealt with any anxiety or obsession thoughts in my life before this and now it’s a daily struggle. I often find myself crying because I’m freaking myself out. Please help.