My dad is homophofic and its a huge trigger for me. I am so angry at home some points because love is for everybody. But then this instruve thought come and say you sound like lesbian. It makes me anxious.

@doinghardthings Totally totally feel you on this—you literally described my exact same situation rn except the genders are swapped lol. I also struggle with SOOCD every now and then and sometimes wonder if it’s simply because of how I was raised. Also, another question—do you find that your OCD latches onto your parents and your relationship with them? I’ve noticed that I easily obsess about whether or not they approve of stuff I do. It makes me feel resentful but also sorry if I ever get the vibe that they don’t approve of me in some way.

@yun444g I’ve been thinking about this more recently, because if I have OCD (going to talk to a specialized therapist on NOCD for the first time next week), I’ve probably had it for a long time. My first episode with SOOCD occurred when I was 12/13 (I’m 26 now) and was the first time OCD-like behavior would’ve become externally noticeable in my life. In between, even with medication and general therapy, that has helped in a way, I can potentially identify OCD-type thoughts related to other specific themes, like existentialism. These are the easy themes to identify because they’re distinct, reported commonly enough by other people, and when I’m in the throes of an episode, I know I’m a hot mess and something is wrong. That said, to answer your question, I do think OCD has played a role in my relationship with my parents. I’ve always been a listener/rule follower, and I’ve taken their opinions about my life perhaps too seriously for a long time. Without giving you my life story in this comment, this led to a few years ago when I wanted to make a career decision that I knew would make me happy. However, this really put me head to head with my parents for the first significant time in my life since they vehemently opposed me making that decision. I am an adult, and I was living on my own, and this was well within my right to do! But I spent several weeks afraid that they would literally disown me for doing this. It doesn’t help that my dad definitely has untreated mental illness that could very well include OCD, and he catastrophrzes and said things he didn’t mean to me (it still hurt, and I still remember). My parents obviously didn’t disown me and continue to express their love and support which I’m lucky and grateful for, even if it’s possibly misinformed and misguided. The anxiety I experienced about telling my parents about the plans for the tattoo (which was actually my third one and least visible anyway) is probably another good example of this too. Perhaps figuring out a way to tell them outright and committing to going to get the tattoo whatever their response (my deposit was too big to back out) was a good exposure for me.

@doinghardthings WOW. Again, it’s actually kind of shocking how similar our situations are. My first episode with SOOCD also occurred around the same age for me and I’m now 25. And yes, I too have always been a very staunch rule follower, in fact some of my earliest childhood memories involve me stubbornly defending rules that all of my friends actively went against. Anytime I did end up breaking a rule or doing something I thought was bad, I immediately had to tell my parents every time which I realize now was probably a sort of compulsion (confessing). I notice that whenever I’ve been home for long amounts of time (so, the past year), my OCD always gets worse—and I think that’s because it’s a combo of me not being as social as when I was in school, as well as me naturally clinging to my parents’ every word from being around them more. This has honestly created a weird relationship with them now, as I’ve been able to recognize how unhealthy my obsession with their approval is, which now makes me feel the *need* to be defiant against whatever their wishes are, despite still valuing harmony and overall smoothness with them. My dad also probably has undiagnosed anxiety, depression and possibly OCD as well, which doesn’t help. 50% of the time he’s a nice, chill guy and the other 50% he’s going off about honestly really minor problems in the world that often turn into a racist or homophobic rant. Both my parents are also just extremely paranoid people by nature, and it just started to irk me the most when they would forbid me from doing things that my friends constantly questioned me about (“why don’t your parents let you drive at night? You’re literally 21.”) So idk, I’m probably being dramatic and I’ve already talked about this with multiple therapists, my annoyances with them (especially my dad) just build up really easily and I always feel the need to let it out. I’m also not in a great financial spot and am slowly but surely saving up to get the f out of here as soon as I can. It honestly blows my mind how much less I imagine I’ll be in a constant state of stress once I’m finally able to move out. It’s almost hard to imagine! But we got this!

@yun444g Thank you for sharing! It’s fascinating and validating to hear about the ways my experiences overlap with someone else’s! It helps me to feel like I’ve found the right place to go for help, and even though some of my experiences make me feel like the odd one out in my real life, it turns out that maybe I’m not, and there’s a better explanation for why I feel that way. I agree that getting out of our parents’ houses one day will be one of the best things we can do for ourselves. I mean, living real life to the fullest is probably the ultimate OCD exposure. I hope you don’t think too badly about yourself for the financial situation you’re in because same and also it’s the same for a lot of young people, especially after the pandemic. It all won’t get sorted out in one day or one night, and it probably can’t no matter how hard we try, but it will get sorted out.