Feel guilty

Thank you for these thoughtful questions! I feel like I don't have the answer to many, but am just struggling with the idea of being considered a cheater or violating a boundary :( I feel a need to confess

@Sero82 Ive been in this situation as well, it especially sucks if you aren't misbehaving, rather accepting an uplifting comment into a weary soul. That being said reading this article by Kyle Benson, " Are love laws throwing your relationship in jail", helped me see some perceptions I wasn't accustomed to. We have to be brave enough to be vulnerable to change. Backsliding happens but with effective communication you can limit the emotional response that seems to ultimately trouble you. Which is why most of us seek support because days be hard.

@Trugga The emotional response troubles me yes but I'm also scared to offend and trouble my S.O. I'm in the in between between being scared and running away from confessing because I feel guilty (which ultimately leads me to believe I truly am) and confessing to get it off my chest. In any of these interactions, I feel like giving in to male attention is inexcusable but at the same time I was anxious during them. So I don't know how to go about communicating my partner.

@Trugga With my*

@Sero82 Understood. In an effort to better understand why telling your partner about appropriate compliments paid to would induce stress, i'de like to ask a question. Under no circumstance are you required to pay mind to any one person on this planet, not even yourself, however communication makes everything so much easier when it comes to the basics. So please feel free to not respond. My question is, if you were to tell your partner about an appropriate compliment how do you feel they would react? Do you feel they hide emotions from you? What about these particular interactions made you question the intention? When did you begin feeling this way towards praise? How do you accept praise? Can you be professional and still accept praise? I appreciate your efforts in gaining an understanding and although I'm not therapist I hope you feel a bit of support coming to us here.

@Trugga I appreciate all your questions/ help and I'd like to respond for clarity, sorry if its lengthy. There are 2 interaction particularly that distress me, but in neither of these situations did I conversate with other individuals or look to intiate conversation. I feel that there are some insecurities that myself and partner have along with (probably like everyone else) a fear of being cheated on because we've invested a lot into our relationship. I never recognized that I was seeking or giving in to praise or attention before, but I always know I have been (prior to my relationship and still) generally and casually playful and sarcastic in conversations and interactions with males but NOT in a romantic manner. However, I feel because I interact in this way, when entering a relationship what I felt was appropriate before might be crossing a boundary right now and that bothers me. The thing that distresses me about these particular interactions is this: Interaction 1, friend and I are out, male friend of hers comes up to talk to her and I felt like I wanted her to introduce me which made me anxious because it felt like I was showing interest but didn't care for it. I was immediately distressed and anxious. Interaction 2, friend and myself are out at a fair where we participated in teams vs teams activities and I felt I was being too interactive with a set of 2 guys which made me feel horrible in that instant. I felt I was engaging too much in to the moment and being too playful. What distresses me about that one especially is the fact that I felt like I'd behave differently if my boyfriend was there which makes me feel like a cheater.

@Sero82 It doesn't seem my reply came through, to sum it up. Your doing the right thing by fretting over your boundaries with others. Have you and your partner established boundaries? If you have and you know you've violated the trust, it would be a choice between continued growth by having that discussion and working through the consequences of that together or beginning from another point. Ultimately we only truly begin healing from harm we caused self or others when we face the music and learn how to navigate the ups and downs of that process. Real pain is running from yourself and struggling to understand why no one wants to stick by you. You didn't cheat but to you it may have caused harm to yourself by feeling that you did. Evaluating yourself and actions in the moment of joyous celebration takes practice. You and everyone else seeks joy. When was the last time you sought joy with your partner? Are you both social? Hopefully you can make peace with yourself but remember that an undesirable action didn't just show up over night it took time to install. The same goes for installing boundaries. It's not magical but the effect on your partnership can be magical.

@Trugga He's very social, I am not at all. Complete opposites in that department. I'd love to talk to him about it but my fear is that he will misunderstand me completely. I am explaining all this but I don't feel I'm emphasizing the distress brought from intrusive feelings/thoughts. All of this is in connection to that, and that is something he really struggles understanding me on.

@Sero82 I see so he's had more practical experience being social, seen/heard. My guess is he's chummy with men and you witnessed it from time to time. Truth is we imitate and at times mirror actions the ones we admire most. If this seems like your situation, It may be an awkward moment but there's no shame in it. That being said allowing a situation to occur that your not proud of is a boundary you broke within your ownself. If you feel you've crossed a relationship boundary as I've mentioned you'll want to examine it from every angle to better understand for you and your partner. Just as you would want to know answers if he had entertained some women, he will also likely want some idea as to who what when where how and why.

@Trugga Thank you for all your help. I'm going to talk to him about it tonight. My situation isn't relates to seeing his interactions, but giving in to male attention. I don't know how I'm supposed to say I did that without intention of emotional cheating or otherwise or with no attraction present. I'm really scared of the repercussions.

@Trugga Related*

@Sero82 How is your hormonal factor at this time? Are you uneffected? Close to the time? I tend to check these dates out before I start something 😂 because we all know why. Imma be crazy likely lol.

@Trugga I'm always moody lmao. But I talked him shortly after I replied earlier and he took it everything very well. He was not mad at all, he did not perceive anything as cheating. He said at most he'd be annoyed out of jealoust a little bit if he'd been there but he knows I'd never do anything and he trusts me. I honestly feel so free and happy.