I dont get triggered by much anymore which is making me feel gay in denial.. I look for reassurance all day and feel like its just a coverup for my denial.. I too feel like i faked my attractions to women...

I feel like that, even though I have been attracted to women all my life and have been in two serious relationships and the last one I thought I was going to marry that girl. Hocd really has taken a huge toll on my life, like everything was a lie but I know it’s not. Sometimes when I’m not obsessing about the thoughts it just feels like I’ve accepted I’m gay and I get in a terrible mood that other people sometimes notice.

It really feels like my whole life was a lie atleast before i felt distress and high anxiety...

Maybe i should just not seek reassurance and see then.

I've been dealing with it for a long time as well man. The last few days, I've actually felt my attraction to women returning. I dont know exactly how I have progressed to this, but I have been trying to do ERP recently and it's working. I told myself I will truly give it my all for 30 days, and if I feel no absolute change, I probably don't have OCD. I am already feeling better. Find a reliable therapist or at least a workbook to keep you regimented and focused. If you can find a friend to confide in that will actually understand what you're doing and help you treat yourself, that would be ideal

From my understanding, I don't think being gay would come and go. Have you been trying ERP? I've been noticing a change, which makes me comfortable saying it's OCD