How can I cope with real event OCD and guilt over past actions?

new obsessions

every time my OCD finds something new to obsess about I feel like it’s the worst one yet. I used to think feeling like i don’t love my partner is the worst but turns out feeling like i cheated on him is so much worse. especially because it’s not cheating OCD but real event OCD. I somewhat entertained things with a friend a couple years ago (assumed he was probably into me and didn’t stop it/ liked the attention??) and even drunkenly fell asleep on his leg once. and i have talked about it with my bf but not the detail about sleeping on his leg (i’ve told him other arguably worse things (no kissing or anything like that)) and we’ve gotten past it. this was someone who i definitely never had feelings for and never wanted anything more out of than attention. but now i feel overcome by guilt and anxiety and i replay the scenarios over and over in my head. i feel the constant need to confess every last detail i remember but i read that confessing can be a compulsion? ugh anyone else dealing with real event OCD have any advice? I can’t see my amazing NOCD therapist anymore due to insurance issues :/

Relationship OCD

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

I'd love to talk with you because I thought I was alone with this. I've made some mistakes. Not cheating, nothing physical but letting a few people flirt with me several years ago (and flirting once UGH as a compulsion). It haunts me and I wish I could bleach my brain. So embarrassing. I'm so ashamed and my ocd doesn't let me forget, yet simultaneously makes it difficult to take true accountability for it.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous not sure what the best way to contact people out of this is lol but leave some sort of way to contact and i will!

Username: amberjack1717amberjack1717

Date posted: 2y ago

I am also dealing with this at the moment. I can’t remember the memories or conversations. I like the attention aswell which could be to do with low self confidence but anyway the only way I deal with it is by saying there is nothing I can do about it wether it’s true or not it’s not gonna change. But if you truly love your bf then give him a break and try to stop “confessing “ cause it only gives you temporary relief and gives him uncertainty that he probably doesn’t need to feel at all. I hope you’re okay

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@amberjack1717 thanks so much for your comment. it makes me feel a lot less alone but i’m sorry you’re going through a similar situation this SUCKS. feel free to reach out to me bc id love a real events OCD buddy! (also we have the same name!) :)

Username: Cry me a riverCry me a river

Date posted: 2y ago

You guys are not alone

Username: zealous4life

Date posted: 5y ago

any resources on Real Event OCD? Basically my OCD will make me remember things I said in the past, that were sexual (innuendos, jokes, conversations, etc) and make me answer the question “did you cheat?” or will say “you are a cheater because you said X.” The only relief I have found has been from 1) confessing things I said/did or 2) checking the message or figuring it out. I can only stop my thoughts when I say “I have already confessed that.” Or “checked that.” Yesterday I had a meltdown because I thought of something else I said to one of my guy friends and hadn’t confessed it - I basically made my boyfriend read 90% of my messages to this guy because I was so afraid I had cheated. My boyfriend said it wasn’t a big deal despite all the sexual jokes / innuendos / conversations. I was clear with this guy that I wasn’t single and we were usually just joking about stuff or just talking about it. So my boyfriend said “I don’t really care” with an exception that we cleared up. So you’d think I could say “well I already told him about it” but my OCD keeps saying “but what if this thing you said + didn’t confess really is cheating, you meant to turn him on, you were asking about stuff, that’s inappropriate, he would definitely dump you for this...” and if I don’t fix it, it threatens me with “you’re going to worry about this forever, you did something wrong and didn’t confess it, it must really be cheating if you don’t confess it because you’re keeping it a secret...” I am suffering so much ): I will take any advice at this point. I have been seeing a OCD therapist for about 3 months but can’t let go of this.

Username: Coffeelover11

Date posted: 1y ago

Anyone else experience this?

Does anyone struggle with real event ocd and having to confess to their partner? I have so many regrets on things I’ve either done or thought and feel like I can’t move on or be better until I’ve been forgiven for them. Mostly things that happened a couple years ago and I don’t know why it’s all of a sudden bothering me now but it makes me feel like I’m the worst person ever. I’m even questioning how I thought or felt during that time and I’m confessing to thoughts or things I may or may not have done or thought. It’s so confusing and I feel trapped in my own head. If anyone has any tips I would appreciate it. Thank you for you time

Username: sofiarenee

Date posted: 1y ago

relationship ocd. so tired.

so back in july i made a mistake of going behind my partner’s back and hanging out with an old guy friend (who i had a romantic past with) and while i was hanging out with him i had a great time but man my thoughts were going crazy. i found him attractive, funny, etc. i’ve known him for years and everytime we would talk i felt there was some type of tension. like romantic or something. well i felt it again when we hung out and immediately regretted it because i know i love my boyfriend a lot and i felt like a horrible person for doing something like that. i couldn’t hide it from him any longer than i did (not even 3 days) so i told him and he got really upset. at the time i didn’t know what i want, either my boyfriend or that friend. i decided to stay with my boyfriend and ever since i’ve been getting crazy intrusive thoughts about my old friend (i blocked him so i don’t have contact with him). a few months later (now) i know that i want and love my boyfriend, i don’t want to be with anyone else. but i’ve been getting so many intrusive thoughts about that guy and seeing certain posts just remind me of him even when i don’t want them to. then my brain starts to spiral - ‘what if you actually want to be with him instead and you’re just in denial right now’ or something like ‘you dont love your boyfriend, if you did you wouldnt be having these thoughts’ and i’m just so..drained. i’m so tired of thinking about this guy, i seriously don’t want to think about him. i just want to be happy with my boyfriend. i keep telling myself i know what i want, because i do. i want to be with my bf and i want to be happy with him…i love him so much. but my brain just tries to tell me otherwise. i know i messed up and i’m paying the price for it. maybe i do deserve this. i just wish i could erase everything, my past, etc. and just move on. my boyfriend doesn’t hold what i did against me but he’s well aware of what happened and i know how it made him feel. i would do anything to take it back because he doesn’t deserve that, he never did. and i seriously want to be better for him. but these constant thoughts i get are always getting in the way and almost making me feel hopeless. i haven’t told my bf about these thoughts because i’m worried he would take it the wrong way. i really don’t think i should tell him because i know for a fact it would send us both down a spiral and i don’t want that. but, ocd will always try to get what it wants. anyone else going through something similar? some common humanity would probably ease my mind a bit. (in a non-compulsive way. or maybe this is a compulsion. idk.)

Relationship OCD

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How can I cope with real event OCD and guilt over past actions?

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