nobody03

Date posted: 2y

going backwards

i literally can’t stop with my brain saying i don’t like women on repeat. it feels like if i say it constantly it’s like i’m in denial and that gives me anxiety sometimes but most of the time it doesn’t. i’m scared. i’ve also fallen back into the hard cycle of obsessively researching in google trying to find answers. i feel less anxiety and groinals but it feels like denial. it sometimes feel like i have to think about something sexual bc i’m so used to it now. i hate this so much. i want this to end. i can’t even afford therapy rn i have to push my appointment further bc i have no money right now i just started working. if anyone can give me just ANY advice that would be great. please.

Sexual Orientation OCD

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time :( you’re not alone, I’m dealing with this as well! Pls use the SOS feature on this app, it helped me calm down not long ago. I also think this would be helpful https://anxieties.com/100/ocd-what2/

nobody03

Date posted: 2y

@blazed do you ever constantly tell yourself phrases ?

nobody03

Date posted: 2y

@blazed but thank you. i hate my mental repetition it’s what keeps fueling my SOOCD and constantly googling now.

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@nobody03 Do you mean for compulsions?

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@nobody03 I know, the mental repetitions are the hardest to deal with! As for googling, whenever you feel the urge to do it, walk away from your devices and practice mindfulness.

nobody03

Date posted: 2y

@blazed thanks. i was doing an online quiz for the 3rd time today. i stopped myself bc there was a question i didn’t know how to answer but it was probably best i didn’t finish it.

nobody03

Date posted: 2y

@blazed how do you deal with mental repetitions. they make me feel worse instead of bringing any relief and i can’t stop it.

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@nobody03 It’s good you didn’t finish it! Stop taking quizzes all together because even if you got an answer, you would start to doubt it too. For the mental repetitions I say phrases like “maybe, maybe not”, “I’m okay with being gay, it doesn’t matter”, “I don’t need to figure it out right now”, and “it’s totally possible that I’m gay or not”. I hope this helps!

nobody03

Date posted: 2y

@blazed okay thank you i will definitely try. i tried some of the techniques on the website. it helped a bit i feel more calm now.

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@nobody03 Of course! I’m glad you’re feeling better. I know it’s hard to deal with but you got this

nobody03

Date posted: 2y

it feels like i changed and i hate it. i just feel so upset rn. anyone please

Lost in the ...

Date posted: 23w

Lost

I cant afford therapy which is why i’m not diagnosed with ocd. The first time i had heard what ocd was truly abt was 6 years ago when i overthinking my sexual identity and it fit. Additionally, i struggle with debilitating health anxiety and when i was in a rlt i was extremely anxious that i might not love my partner. This is the third year i experience distress around my sexuality but this year it feels real. And it could also explain my rlt anxiety. Comphet is a concept that really scares me. I dont want to be with a girl. I would rather die than discover i was lesbian. I cant accept uncertainty cz i dont want to be homosexual. Chat GPT told me it wasnt ocd + the thoughts dont distress me anymore. I experience 3 intense weeks of anxiety prior to now. Maybe its internalized homophobia. Maybe its comphet. I do find women to be attractive but i dont wanna be with them. Maybe i’m in denial. Idk anything anymore. I’m remembering times where i would find an actress attractive and try to shift my focus towards the man cz it would make me anxious. I’m not well at all.

Sexual Orientation OCD

geodrimilis

Date posted: 20w

I need this to end.

I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

geodrimilis

Date posted: 16w

My life is over

I won’t explain this again if you’ve been or going through it you know what I’m talking about. I felt good about women about an hour ago and now I’m worrying again I’m anxious and the groinals are back and it’s so annoying because I can’t study. And honestly I’m so sick and tired of this. I’ve been a girl crazy my whole life and my mind randomly decides “well what if you are gay” like bro. I’ve never seen a guy that way and in general IT WAS NEVER SOMETHING I THOUGHT ABOUT OR ASSOCIATED MYSELF WITH. IVE NEVER FELT ANYTHING TOWARDS A MAN AND NOW IT FEELS LIKE IT RANDOMLY FLIPPED. I CANT DO THIS BRO. WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN IVE BEEN GOING THROUGH INSECURITIES ALREADY AND MY ATTRACTION WAS THE ONLY REAL THING I HAD LEFT AND NOW THIS. HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE ME GOD.

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