Does anyone get worrying intrusive thoughts about being a p*** when they've seen a p*** video about someone they find attractive but don't know their age? What if they aren't of age, does that make you a horrible person and a p***?
Yeah I’ve this issue in the past. It’s best to remember you aren’t a pedophile since you’re actively looking for reassurance that you’re not. With porn, I would just avoid it, if you feel as though it’s making you feel worse then don’t watch it. Alternatively, you could just watch it sometimes as an ERP exercise to lower your urge. Porn really is a modern evil.
You could say that again. I'm just not going to watch it and see where that gets me. It already messes me up when I do it but my mind is so used to that being where the dopamine comes from. I just don't want to do that anymore because that's the one thing I keep to myself in terms of shame
I go through this a lot, like if it’s a porn video then I look up the actress to check their age and try to see if I can when the video was made, I also sometimes go through the Reddit subreddits for like p*rn or where models post their content, I always check their page to verify their age, it’s really stressful
Yeah it's very much a hassle, and it's something I really need to stop. Porn overall has just done a lot of damage in my life. Everytime I relapse I'll just see something that I either know is disturbing or question if I don't know. This stuff has been going on since I was 13 and even then it was a big problem. I'd say worse back then but I never thought about it like I do now
This is actually an exposure that you can do I read but yeah
I don't know if I'm ready for that. I'm starting counseling for anxiety to see where it gets me though.
That’s totally fine baby steps. Have you gotten a counselor through Nocd? Or a counselor that understands and knows how to treat ocd?
I haven't really mentioned OCD besides anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I was thinking of bringing it up when it happens on the day. I guess I was too anxious over the phone to bring it up
It’s super important too because otherwise they’ll give you reassurance and send you down the wrong path. ERP is golden standard that has been successful amongst all subtypes of ocd it may be hard but definitely worth doing
Well, the reason I even found OCD in the first place was because of my thoughts focusing on the same thoughts over and over and this was way before I got physical symptoms of anxiety, so you make a good point. This definitely could be OCD and I should bring up the fact that exposure therapy may be what I need to get over this
@BigGip09 NOCD* What I was saying is I googled over and over for an answer until I eventually found out NOCD and that was honestly the first time I've ever heard of OCD. Things changed ever since I guess
When I found out I had ocd I looked in the dsm 5 and was like oh my god I check every box and recognize the themes I just had no name for it
I hope you're getting the help you deserve. I start in the morning and I'm afraid to be honest. I've never done anything like this before
Thankfully through medicine and therapy with Nocd I’m doing a million times better. I hope you are able to get the help you need. Honesty may be scary but is needed for healing
I've gotten a lot of help today just now. I feel better than I did before I showed up to the session. I have so much advice that I can apply to the future now
Oh good!
Would you mind sharing some advice im going through it right now and don’t have therapy until tomorrow
I can share a bit, try your best everyday, meditation, acceptance, and confidence are all things that need practicing
Yeah that’s good advice
I'm glad I could help :)
I thought I'd gotten over sexual obsessions, since they haven't been bothering me at all until I had a flare up yesterday. I usually struggle with masturbation due to a combination of both anorgasmia from SSRI medication along with intrusive thoughts, so I thought that an adult film should work fine and went on the hub as per usual. Everything went well until I "finished" and looked at the video title afterwards. My stomach dropped as the title had the word "teen" it in. I felt nauseous and gross because I'd previously struggled and became horrifically suicidal due to the pocd I thought I had under control. Now I know that by the word teen, it means an adult actress that's 18-19 and I'm only 20. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm gross for watching and that it was illegal material, even though I am fully aware that it wasn't, so I've been ruminating over it endlessly. This is more of a vent, but I feel like all the progress I've made with my ocd just went down the drain ☹️
I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and uncertainty I think I’m really struggling right now. I was in my alone time (self pleasure) and obviously like whenever you’re doing your thing you might have fantasies or whatever and that’s what came into my mind in the moment and then all of a sudden I get a flashback from a scene from pretty little liars came into my mind where Emily kisses Ali on the neck. In pilot actor who played Allison was 12 years old, which the pilot was the first episode I believe but in the rest of the season of season one she was 13 and that flashback was in season one as well after the pilot and I’m really worried that I might have self pleasure to myself to that scene even though I knew all this time that she was 13 in that scene and I don’t feel comfortable because I’m 16 and even though like it’s not too much of an age gap it’s still polished me and I’m scared to death right now, but I didn’t panic immediately because I think I somewhat kinda knew in the moment that I probably didn’t do anything bad but I am not 100% sure and then the more I thought about it, I started to panic even more and now I’m panicking even more now and I feel like a really big pedo, and I keep searching and googling and trying to check for her age to see how old she was in that scene and I’m pretty sure she was 13 but I promise I wasn’t intentionally thinking oh yeah I’m gonna self pressure myself to this scene regardlessof her age. No, I’m just afraid I probably did without even like realizing or registering the thought in my mind, but then at the same time I kind of feel like maybe I was just coexisting with a thought and now I’m scared I’m really scared guys.
Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared
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