I have always had a HOCD but now I’m really confused because now I think I am asexual but I’m not for sure I don’t really think of sex all that much but I do want to have sex one day! iso I’m confused and I don’t know if I experience sexual attraction or not or if it’s just hocd that has gotten rid of it and I know when I was younger I use to be a little sexual I use to watch a little porn and men in hot underwear but, o don’t know if that was because I was a kid and I liked it because I wasn’t aloud to look it up or if I just have a low sex drive in or if I’m asexual I would really like some help because I’m really getting bothered by this and don’t know what to do anymore and I have nothing wrong with asexuals! Please Help!

Sort of a rant that probably sounds stupid and I’m kind of seeking reassurance… I’m still a relatively young teenager so I know I’ve got time to work all this out but I’m really confused about my sexuality. (I’m a girl) I’ve never been in a relationship (I don’t know if I want to be which is why I’m writing this) and sometimes I feel like I’ve never really had a crush and I just convinced myself that I did because I wanted to feel normal… but then maybe that’s false memory ocd??? I don’t really want to be in a long term relationship with a guy and idk about girls but idk if that’s just cos of my age??? Some days I hate the idea of ever dating, marrying or doing anything sexual. Other days I wish my mental / physical health was better so I could date someone! Everything I feel goes up and down a lot and idk why!? I have bad sexual intrusive thoughts that make me unsure whether anything that I think is real and my parents recently split up after not getting along for a few years. I don’t know if it’s my age, my ocd, my parents bad relationship, my sexuality (am I attracted to guys, girls? Am I ace!!!!???) Or something else but I have no idea who I am and I KNOW I’m young and have time but some other perspectives might help???? Can I ever be in a relationship if I have ocd like this? Also I’m really struggling not to compulsively seek reassurance and I don’t know who to talk to about all this irl I know I probably shouldn’t share this with random strangers but also idek if I care anymore 😭

So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, I’ve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if it’s real attraction or not, but I worry that it’s true attraction because I don’t feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also can’t tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself “I can’t be attracted to kids” and “being attracted to kids is bad” and “I wouldn’t like kids”. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also don’t know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I can’t tell if it’s false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. I’m also under the age of 16, and I’ve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become a pedo. But I can’t tell what I want anymore, I can’t tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have “textbook ocd” I still don’t believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just don’t understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now I’m worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I don’t know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. I’m also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :( (edited) I also keep getting thoughts of kids and I’m worried I’m attracted to a specific part of them, because most of the thoughts include that specific part of the kid. Im also attracted to that specific part on adults, but I’m worried that it’s a sign I’m a pedo because it manifests on the thoughts of kids

I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!