OCD has affected me more silently than I previously thought. I read an article earlier about how OCD can shapeshift. I never realised at how it did this to me.
Wait can you elaborate more pls 😅
@blazed My friendship OCD morphed into SOCD. It went from ‘man, I feel like a lot of guys are difficult to be friends with as a guy because of ___ . “ then intrusive thought “why do you complain about men? Do you like them? I bet you like them. Start fantasising”. This initially made me uncomfortable but I couldn’t ignore it, so it morphed from finding answers to why I struggled to make friends to “Gay! You’re gay!” Or “you’re bisexual!” . The problem is, I’ve had HOCD before but it was never this ‘real’, which scared me. But that’s how it slowly shapeshifted without me realising.
@blazed I also get philosophical OCD “you’re homophobic, being straight is homophobic. So you must be bisexual or gay.” It got really bad today especially when I went to public. I invited my brother and it even started targeting him “incest is normal. You should imagine doing gay stuff with him.” I felt very very uncomfortable and distressed. I didn’t tell him outright but I told him that I have been suffering from OCD and had a major breakdown a couple of nights ago.
@Ghost123 Oh thank you! This makes a lot of sense, OCD attacks anything you care about/value so it’s typical that your theme starts switching. The thing about being homophobic is also something I struggle with too. Whenever I see an attractive guy my mind tells me I’m only interested due to comphet and that I’m denying my sexuality. It’s really hard because it feels so real and I can’t tell what’s true or not. I really feel your pain it’s so tiring, you’re not alone:(
@blazed Hmm that makes sense I suppose. I carry quite a lot of sexual anxiety due to porn, OCD may have targeting then too! It’s a ‘perfect’ spot for SOCD and has been in the past. Things like “what if it felt good? Just imagine it! Do it, you only live once.” I felt really humiliated and disgusted. It made wanna throw up. I would never ever be with a guy. Never. OCD can say and do whatever it wants, I know that it will pass and move on. At this point I have a higher fear of SOCD than POCD. Which sounds absurd but that’s how it is currently. I’m more afraid of being anything other than straight than being a “pedophile” 🤷♂️. OCD logic I guess lol. I always feel alone even though I know I’m not.
@Ghost123 Porn is not good for mental health in general so I understand how it gives you anxiety. It plays a big factor in sexual OCD themes too, so it’s best not to watch it. Sadly OCD will find anything to use against you :’( but as you said it’ll pass eventually even if it feels hard rn. And yes omg SOOCD is my biggest fear so far compared to my other themes I had in the past. I hate it so much.
@blazed Oh my god, I also had another revelation lol. As a guy, I value my feminine side. I enjoy emotions and stuff, especially with women. I believe that this started before my friendship OCD! Holy shit! The things I value the most, OCD attacks! I could remember intrusive thoughts like “oh I bet those girls think I’m bisexual” which is cringe but I always found it funny, I never let it question my sexuality although it did cause doubts. I ignored it. I believe that SOCD has also decided to attack this. I enjoy wearing perfume, sometimes I wear female perfume, but that’s not…bisexual. Like, I don’t do it for men lmao, I do it for myself and for women! I gotcha OCD, this time I really worked it out. I will beat this! ERP GANG 🖖
@Ghost123 Aw I love that you’re comfortable expressing yourself 🥲 and you’re right things like perfume, makeup, etc, doesn’t make anyone bi/gay. Idk who started that but I hate that stereotype. You’re right though, OCD is attacking your identity which I can tell is very important to you. But it seems like you’re on the right track to getting better, I’m so happy for you!!
@blazed You have no idea, I felt so validated from what you said ☺️😂. I admit, at first it just me trying to be different, maybe a weird phase but it never felt like a sexuality issue. I just questioned what it meant to be personally masculine. And I feel kind of sad that OCD decided to attack my sexuality because of it, as well as other things like porn and false attractions. Like, I never felt attracted to men when I decided to explore my feminine side, quite the opposite. It made me appreciate women more, I really admire feminine women who just go all out with nails and stuff. Anyway, It would be my intrusive thoughts giving sexual arousal to certain words and consuming me with doubt and anxiety. But yeah, those stereotypes are just stereotypes I guess. I don’t mind them but I also I look up people like Prince who weren’t afraid of challenging the norms. I’m actually realising more and more patterns that lead to this as I’m writing this! Yay, I’m proud of beating this already. Thank you. I hope your OCD journey is going well so far!
@Ghost123 You’re very welcome! 🥹🥹 It’s very normal to question your identity, I’ve done it too! So I understand your pov on that, and it‘s awful how OCD targeted that part of you :( and the last sentence made my day 😭🫶🏽 it all makes sense, you value women so OCD takes that as an opportunity to attack your sexuality. It’s the same for me, just the other way around. And the arousals are the worst omg. It makes the thoughts feel so real 🥲 And I’m glad to hear you’re opened-minded about that! Usually I hear the opposite from many people so it’s nice to hear the other side :,) And you’re welcome! I appreciate that :) my journey is confusing as of rn, I can’t tell if my thoughts came true or not. I want to figure it out but I won’t.
If you are anything like me (and most of you are, because let’s face it, we are all on this chat), you have OCD. Real OCD, not the organisation, matching colours everyone thinks it is. Real OCD. I’ve always known I was different, known that my brain does some waking things and deep down, I’ve always known I’ve had OCD. But there is just something that changes when you finally get the diagnosis. It makes more sense, you have an explanation for your behaviours. So naturally I told my friends. When they ask why I had to stop and step four times on a tile I said ‘oh, I have OCD’. I finally had a word, a tangible concept that I could explain to people. But nobody warned me about the massive misconceptions about OCD. Instead of support or acceptance, my friends seemed to question the diagnosis saying ‘that’s not ocd, don’t you just like things organised?’. And no matter how much I explain it they don’t seem to get it. And that’s the part that feels so cruel. I go through hell in my head and it can all be reduced to a phrase of ‘oh, aren’t you organised’. So please be careful out there you guys, and if someone try’s to downplay your experience, know that you are valid and that what you are going through is probably something that they could never handle. It’s a lesson that took me time to learn, but it’s important because our experience matters. Our real experience.
It is crazy how long I have been suffering from OCD without even knowing, since most of my compulsions are mental. Now that I'm more able to identify OCD, it is insane how sneaky it is and tries to direct every negative emotion towards my theme. My therapist is wonderful and even though some of the things she says trigger my OCD. I know it's because I can't know for certain and that's the whole point of OCD therapy. I'm nervously optimistic about the future, but the idea of not knowing for certain is still really triggering for me.
I've been struggling about OCD for a long time and I've only been made aware of it now. It's the cause of all my worrying, compulsions, and all the times I feel unpeaceful. When I first learnt about it I felt really relieved. My kind of "obsession" are intrusive thoughts that contradict my faith and values. I've spent years fighting these thoughts and doing compulsions of seeking reassurance from verses or praying and such or saying "no I don't!!" when they happen. I try to ignore them anduse cognitive defusion but sometimes it just breaks my peace. Another obsession I have is having images in my head about touching dirty things like the rust in my bathroom. A compulsions I have regarding that is imagining myself being anywhere BUT the bathroom but it doesn't stop. Now that I know, I'll try and find a way to heal, and figure it out with myself and God (because I can't rely on my parents, they're not the open-minded kind regarding mental health)
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