OCD has affected me more silently than I previously thought. I read an article earlier about how OCD can shapeshift. I never realised at how it did this to me.
Wait can you elaborate more pls 😅
@blazed My friendship OCD morphed into SOCD. It went from ‘man, I feel like a lot of guys are difficult to be friends with as a guy because of ___ . “ then intrusive thought “why do you complain about men? Do you like them? I bet you like them. Start fantasising”. This initially made me uncomfortable but I couldn’t ignore it, so it morphed from finding answers to why I struggled to make friends to “Gay! You’re gay!” Or “you’re bisexual!” . The problem is, I’ve had HOCD before but it was never this ‘real’, which scared me. But that’s how it slowly shapeshifted without me realising.
@blazed I also get philosophical OCD “you’re homophobic, being straight is homophobic. So you must be bisexual or gay.” It got really bad today especially when I went to public. I invited my brother and it even started targeting him “incest is normal. You should imagine doing gay stuff with him.” I felt very very uncomfortable and distressed. I didn’t tell him outright but I told him that I have been suffering from OCD and had a major breakdown a couple of nights ago.
@Ghost123 Oh thank you! This makes a lot of sense, OCD attacks anything you care about/value so it’s typical that your theme starts switching. The thing about being homophobic is also something I struggle with too. Whenever I see an attractive guy my mind tells me I’m only interested due to comphet and that I’m denying my sexuality. It’s really hard because it feels so real and I can’t tell what’s true or not. I really feel your pain it’s so tiring, you’re not alone:(
@blazed Hmm that makes sense I suppose. I carry quite a lot of sexual anxiety due to porn, OCD may have targeting then too! It’s a ‘perfect’ spot for SOCD and has been in the past. Things like “what if it felt good? Just imagine it! Do it, you only live once.” I felt really humiliated and disgusted. It made wanna throw up. I would never ever be with a guy. Never. OCD can say and do whatever it wants, I know that it will pass and move on. At this point I have a higher fear of SOCD than POCD. Which sounds absurd but that’s how it is currently. I’m more afraid of being anything other than straight than being a “pedophile” 🤷♂️. OCD logic I guess lol. I always feel alone even though I know I’m not.
@Ghost123 Porn is not good for mental health in general so I understand how it gives you anxiety. It plays a big factor in sexual OCD themes too, so it’s best not to watch it. Sadly OCD will find anything to use against you :’( but as you said it’ll pass eventually even if it feels hard rn. And yes omg SOOCD is my biggest fear so far compared to my other themes I had in the past. I hate it so much.
@blazed Oh my god, I also had another revelation lol. As a guy, I value my feminine side. I enjoy emotions and stuff, especially with women. I believe that this started before my friendship OCD! Holy shit! The things I value the most, OCD attacks! I could remember intrusive thoughts like “oh I bet those girls think I’m bisexual” which is cringe but I always found it funny, I never let it question my sexuality although it did cause doubts. I ignored it. I believe that SOCD has also decided to attack this. I enjoy wearing perfume, sometimes I wear female perfume, but that’s not…bisexual. Like, I don’t do it for men lmao, I do it for myself and for women! I gotcha OCD, this time I really worked it out. I will beat this! ERP GANG 🖖
@Ghost123 Aw I love that you’re comfortable expressing yourself 🥲 and you’re right things like perfume, makeup, etc, doesn’t make anyone bi/gay. Idk who started that but I hate that stereotype. You’re right though, OCD is attacking your identity which I can tell is very important to you. But it seems like you’re on the right track to getting better, I’m so happy for you!!
@blazed You have no idea, I felt so validated from what you said ☺️😂. I admit, at first it just me trying to be different, maybe a weird phase but it never felt like a sexuality issue. I just questioned what it meant to be personally masculine. And I feel kind of sad that OCD decided to attack my sexuality because of it, as well as other things like porn and false attractions. Like, I never felt attracted to men when I decided to explore my feminine side, quite the opposite. It made me appreciate women more, I really admire feminine women who just go all out with nails and stuff. Anyway, It would be my intrusive thoughts giving sexual arousal to certain words and consuming me with doubt and anxiety. But yeah, those stereotypes are just stereotypes I guess. I don’t mind them but I also I look up people like Prince who weren’t afraid of challenging the norms. I’m actually realising more and more patterns that lead to this as I’m writing this! Yay, I’m proud of beating this already. Thank you. I hope your OCD journey is going well so far!
@Ghost123 You’re very welcome! 🥹🥹 It’s very normal to question your identity, I’ve done it too! So I understand your pov on that, and it‘s awful how OCD targeted that part of you :( and the last sentence made my day 😭🫶🏽 it all makes sense, you value women so OCD takes that as an opportunity to attack your sexuality. It’s the same for me, just the other way around. And the arousals are the worst omg. It makes the thoughts feel so real 🥲 And I’m glad to hear you’re opened-minded about that! Usually I hear the opposite from many people so it’s nice to hear the other side :,) And you’re welcome! I appreciate that :) my journey is confusing as of rn, I can’t tell if my thoughts came true or not. I want to figure it out but I won’t.
I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.
I was just thinking about how OCD tries to be tricky and switches themes on us!! The amount of times I have said to myself in the past, IF ONLY I HAD THE OLDER THEME I USE TO WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE THIS NEW ONE IS SO MUCH WORSE!!! Has anyone ever experienced this before? Once I started ERP therapy, I began to really start understanding what mental/physical compulsions I was doing to really keep my OCD alive! While I did this, I would also tap into my self-compassion bucket, even when it felt like it was dry at times, because it was SO easy to judge myself for because of the sheer presence of my thoughts. I would also have the most self-compassion for myself for those taboo intrusive thoughts that really felt so strong, ego-dystonic and real!!! My OCD would hop around from theme to theme and just when I thought I figured it out (compulsion) it would hop again and make me discouraged! I noticed for me that once I really understood my compulsions, it didn't matter when the theme switched as I could tackle it at its core. If I was able to stay steadfast and resist compulsions the best I could, I started to notice that my CONFIDENCE increased in the long run! I also noticed that some of the core fears were the same for different OCD subtypes. OCD treatment is hard BUT living with OCD is harder. I have experienced subtypes including Harm OCD, ROCD, Moral Scrupulosity, Sensorimotor, Contamination, Perfectionism/Just Right, Hit and Run, Magical Thinking, Real Event/False Memory. ERP therapy allowed me to really work on stopping these compulsions and switching from theme to theme. I was fed up with what OCD took from me and I needed to do something about it. I talked to an ERP therapist and it was one of the best decisions of my life. If you are struggling, keep pushing and get the help you deserve!! You got this!!!
It kinda mind boggling to me how OCD can even cause stuff to happen to us physically as well. And it all feeling real. It only reminds me how flawed our bodies really are. If people were to hear of our situations they'd call us names and choose to stay ignorant. People fear what they cannot understand. Before this I could have possible have been one of them, but here I am. OCD really goes for anybody. Does not matter what ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation you are. It is a twisted disorder that likes to make others lives harder. If I were to tell myself before this that this would happen, I would'nt believe it. I was convinced I am evil, I cried for weeks. I had to sleep in my parents bedroom for a period of time cause I couldn't face the darkness alone. This application helped me greatly during this, cause I learned just as much about OCD as I did about myself. At the same time I get saddened cause I see people going through the exact same, or much worse. If any who come across this post have any questions for me, u can feel free to do so
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