I try so hard to just let it be and move on with my life because there is nothing I can do to change even though I was an idiot as a teenager I’m so scared every day and I don’t know if it’s because of the ocd I don’t know anymore but I feel like I’m going crazy because it just stays in the back of my mind haunting me and the guilt, shame, whatever really hurts. I wish I could go back knowing what I know now. How could I have been so dumb
The only solution is acceptance, which is one of the hardest things to do in this lifetime. Acknowledging your actions but accepting that it happened and that youre a different person now. The only place to go is forward, nowhere else. Its up to you if you want to move foward with the tides or let the tides consume you. Tell yourself, " i acknowledge what i did and accept that i cant change what happened. However, this is the present and i am not who i was. Who i am now is someone who will shape a great future for myself". Be kind to yourself and understand who you are now, not who you were. Resist the compulsions and take back control of your life. Its prophecy.
@Dreamtrick I just don’t know how to deal with guilt very well. It gets really severe sometimes. I appreciate your helps though thank you
https://youtu.be/fNxlpotyLRs This therapist on YouTube provides great insight.
@Pure Torture 😭 Thank you
This really breaks my heart. No matter what you did, it does not in any way disqualify you as a person. Mistakes are made to be learned from.
@Emilhaagen99 It’s a really hard thing to explain. I’ve posted about it in this community so many times and have been told that ocd blows things out of proportion and I’ve also been told it’s not that bad. But that’s not what my mind tells me. Even my mom said I was being too hard on myself and that I need to forgive myself and move forward. I just feel so down
@Just Breathe ❤️ I think I understand. I also don’t think that downplaying the pain that you are feeling, is gonna help. Just wanted to say that regardless of it you are worthy of respect and compassion.
@Emilhaagen99 Thank you. I wish I could believe that but I appreciate you being kind and responding
Your post hit me right in the heart as I am currently battling my real event OCD demon. I literally feel like I don’t deserve any joy, like I am terrible human that doesn’t care about anyone, and deserve to be in jail. It is so very hard. I have no words of advice but just know you are not alone with this feeling. I hope we can find some peace. I am never in the present just trapped in the past with this one unintentional mistake on repeat.
@Pure Torture 😭 I’m so sorry you are going through this too. I have very similar thoughts when it comes to my real event too and it scares me to death every single day. I can’t find peace. I hope you feel better and just know you are not alone.
@Just Breathe ❤️ It is genuinely terrifying. I have no idea how I am still functioning in society. I honestly deep down feel those suffering with OCD have the best intentions and pure hearts. Just wish I knew how to show myself some compassion! I am not going to give up hope you don’t either!!
Sounds a lot like what I’m going through! Exact same feelings, I feel like I don’t deserve nice things or to be happy, stuck on a past memory and feel guilt all the time. No matter what other people say you still feel the way you feel 😩 here if you want to talk !
@Pheoboe_ You too thank you
I hate myself with a passion. I’m not ok with myself. I feel like I don’t even deserve to be alive sometimes. I feel like I don’t deserve good things or to feel joy. I’m constantly reminded of the mistakes I’ve made. I know I should be self compassionate but I can’t do it. I should of known better about the mistakes I was making a few years ago. I’m almost 24 and I can’t even have a day without feeling intense guilt. I’ve talked to my mom about everything even talked to my dad before he passed, my first ever therapist and my current therapist and no matter what anyone has said, nothing helps. It won’t go. I can’t forgive myself because my mind constantly tells me the mistakes I’ve made are equivalent to the worst mistakes a monster would do even though that was NEVER the intention in the first place. I just wasn’t thinking and I shouldn’t have been so stupid 💔
I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared. I’ve had moments like this and I’ve had a shitty couple of weeks but then it would go away temporarily and now I’m having another moment and it’s so terrifying
I feel too "bad" to redeem myself or deserve recovery. I know it's just my OCD but every second I'm awake another completely different memory hits me and I'm filled with guilt and regret and paranoia. It never stops. I really don't know what to do. I'm in therapy and I'm trying every day but it's so hard to get better when you feel like you need to punish yourself for every move you make. I'm not sure what kind of treatment could help me when I have a new obsession every half hour and they're generally based on my past/real events. If any of you feel this way I'm so sorry :(
People can change right?? I did terrible things..even last year. Probably even this year. Which would make me my fears. But I regret them so much,I generally just want to move on and be a better person, but I feel I don't deserve to..this isn't ocd making a little bad thing bad, these things were terrible. And I know it,, everybody would know it. I just want to love myself for who I am today, not my past. I chang everyday but I generally feel so much guilt and disgust. The ocd with intrusive thoughts that I wanna do it all again. Makes me feel I still am my fears...I hate it so much. This wasn't 1 mistake or 2..or even 3. It was so so so many disgusting, horrible,shameful mistakes. I did for years and years. And I mean 11+ years.
How can I forgive myself for the mistakes I made as a teenager (maybe 15 through 18 or 19 I don’t remember exactly) when at the time I had no bad intentions I just didn’t understand what I was getting into? How can I forgive myself for being so dumb? I should of known. But unfortunately now dealing with real event and other themes trying to find “proof” it’s so exhausting and unsettling especially when the worst case scenario about my self and my past comes up literally every day and I have to fight it with “maybe, maybe not”…when will it ever go away. Do I even deserve for it to go away? No matter who I’ve told whether it was a parent or a therapist they all say the same thing…….let it go……..how am I supposed to do that. I want to do great things in life. I want to make up for all I have done wrong. I want to help people but I can’t even help myself. I hate myself. I don’t even like myself at all. I would go back in a heartbeat. But I can’t. I’m stuck in this mental hell. Will I ever be ok again…….
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