i’m sure it’s just the lack of sleep i’ve been having but for about 2-3 days i’ve just felt so different. like i can’t find feelings for him sometimes or find excitements and it’s a new feeling and i can’t remember when i felt anxious about something. i keep thinking what if there’s more when i know he’s who i want and i hate this so much. i think my ocd has just taken me out, like just drained me so much at this point

Relationship OCD

Bugsy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

That's the trap of ROCD - It needs proof that you feel what you feel, but it's very presence makes you unable to feel anything but the anxiety it brings, which makes you more anxious, and on and on ..... The truth is, you can't call up feelings on command and you certainly can't use feeling something as a way of fighting OCD, it'll only get worse. And none of what you're going through has anything to do with what you actually feel. You know what's really in your heart, you're simply stuck in an OCD spiral, that's all. And you're not alone with the sleep issue. It's a tough one and absolutely doesn't help matters. All is well.

an0nym0us

Date posted: 3y

@Bugsy definitely! i plan to research therapy near by because i don’t think i can do it by myself anymore😭

Bugsy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

And that's the thing about OCD, it mutes your actual feelings which feeds the OCD, which feeds the anxiety which mutes your feelings, etc. etc. etc...... You're not alone in dealing with the lack of sleep. It's not uncommon with this "thinking disorder". What you're going through has absolutely nothing to do with what you actually feel. The crux of your recovery will be when you can say, "maybe I feel something, maybe I don't. I don't need to know right now so I'll move on with what I'm doing."

Anonymous<3

Date posted: 3y

Iv been going through the same thing. I just got back from a small trip with my boyfriend and the lack of sleep really got to me. A week prior I felt like things were going back to normal , I was slowly feeling something again. But this week I feel drained. Struggling to feel something for my boyfriend. The whole trip I was anxious and having intrusive thoughts. I didn’t even enjoy the trip . Like I just wanna give up but thinking about giving up Hurts. I don’t feel like myself and I don’t have any positive thoughts. I’m exhausted:/

an0nym0us

Date posted: 3y

@Yali<3 it scares me sometimes because i’m like what if it’s for the best and i don’t feel anxious sometimes for some thoughts and that scares me so much. i just don’t feel the same and it’s exhausting especially when i find new things out ab ocd over and over agaun

Anonymous<3

Date posted: 3y

@an0nym0us I hear you ….some days I go without feeling anxious and then my head tells me that it must be true that I don’t wanna be with my partner anymore. And then it starts all over again. Lately Iv been loosing hope. Like even though I know that rocd is real my head tells me it doesn’t exist. It’s exhausting like you said and I wanna give up but I know my life wouldn’t be the same without my partner. I would be heart broken. I’m glad I’m able to talk about these things on here and can relate. No one in my family or even my partner knows that I’m going through this

Bugsy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@Yali<3 To an0nym0us and Yali<3, ROCD and OCD in general works by tricking you into believing that what you're feeling is genuine emotion. It's not, it's fear, nothing else. You're going to get yourself out of this, just stay committed to it. Ultimately, the goal is to become comfortable with uncertainty. It's not easy, but you are both strong enough to get to that point. Keep looking into the app, there are many things on here.

an0nym0us

Date posted: 3y

@Yali<3 definitely! i used to can tell myself that it’s all fake but it’s just the new feeling of numbness scaring me yk? this app makes me feel safe because it’s easy to talk on here :’)

Bugsy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Have you consulted with NOCD yet? I do ERP therapy with a NOCD therapist and it's making a difference. Whatever route you go, please see a therapist who specializes in OCD and ERP. I did many years with a traditional cognitive "talk" therapist and got worse. Airing my fears and grievances to them turned out to be nothing more than performing compulsions and they didn't understand OCD enough to know any better.

an0nym0us

Date posted: 3y

@Bugsy nocd doesn’t accept my insurance :(

Bugsy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@an0nym0us I'm sorry! Did you talk with someone from NOCD on the phone? They may be able to give you some good advice for finding someone in your area. Plus, the app can still be a good resource for you. They truly are dedicated to helping people with OCD.

Bugsy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@an0nym0us I'm glad you have insurance and recognize that you can't do this alone anymore. I hope you find a good OCD therapist in your area. Until then, if you sleep, you sleep. If you don't, you don't. I still tell myself this. You can handle discomfort; you can handle uncertainty. ROCD is not your truth.

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