Hi, I'm a man, 25, I had HOCD. Before getting to the heart of the matter some precisions: I have untreated sleep apnea which can cause erectile dysfunction so my erections are weaker than they were before. I always had a strong libido. I had HOCD until the end of 2021. My doubts were dissipated, I understood that I was not gay and that I would never become it, I always loved women, never men. I've been consuming quite a bit of trans-trans/trans-female porn this year. About ten days ago, on IRC, I started talking to a "sissy" (roughly speaking, a feminized man, unlike transvestism which is casual and where the man is a man in women's clothes, sissies want to live as a woman constantly and be treated as sex objects). I mostly saw her as a trans woman, never as a man. We mostly talked about sex and we had some of the same delusions, it was pretty exciting (I got a good quality erection quickly, even though it was pretty quick) and, we talked every day for five-six days in total I would say, I liked those moments. I was a little anxious in the middle of it all (or was it kind of love ? I hope it wasn't but this question loop in my head), but then I figured a girl's a girl, whether she's trans or not. I tell myself that I have to stop talking to her, for fear of falling back into the OCD analysis spirals and I don't really know how to tell her. Flashforward to yesterday, we talk again, I don't think about it anymore and then she tells me that she wants us to stop talking. It suits me but I feel bad, like I've been beaten up. I am anxious. Since last night I've been ruminating, wondering what it all means. Was I in love? I don't think so, I talked to her for a week, we never saw each other and we only talked about sex. But there's always a damn "what if my anxiety isn't anxiety but a sign of love (like when you have butterfly in stomach)?", "why did you feel bad?" running through my head. So I get anxious. I'm afraid that something has broken inside of me, that I'll never fall in love with women (and more specifically cis women) like I used to. I am aware that this is stupid. If anyone can help me see this more clearly, I would be grateful. Was it love ? Why such an intense reaction to such a random "relationship"?