Could I still have Soocd (slim margin)?

I would appreciate any advise or insight that people may have. At this point, I’m seriously doubting I have soocd anymore. I don’t have anxiety anymore about the thoughts and feelings. They give me a positive feeling and Im ok with that and sometimes I feel that i want that. I still feel that I don’t really have control over my thoughts and I still feel on edge. At this point, I wonder if just getting into a same sex relationship would just put an end to all of this. I kinda don’t want to because I want to have continuity with my old life, the life that I wish I could still have and I know getting into a same sex relationship would cut me off. So what now? Why did my theme turn out to be true? Why did all of a sudden my sexuality just change even thought I had nearly zero indication before that I had the capacity for it? I just need some encouragement I guess

Sexual Orientation OCD

yun444g

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Hm, that’s a sort of unique spot to be in. I wonder if you could be experiencing some derealization or depersonalization? It sounds like you weren’t gay before but now you’ve become so desensitized to SOOCD thoughts that your brain goes to the actual possibility of being in a same sex relationship as not the scariest thing in the world. Honestly I would say that’s not a bad thing. It’s just different because the vast majority of SOOCD sufferers actively vocalize how scared and disturbed they are by gay thoughts. So the fact that you seem weirdly at peace with the “possibility” of being gay actually sounds like an okay spot to be in, imo. Sorry I don’t have more advice, I would just say that since you kind of are at peace with stuff, your true sexuality should have an easier time showing itself.

Anonym0us

Date posted: 2y

@yun444g I mean, I’m still sad that I feel like I can’t be with women and that I feel that even if I try, my brain makes me feel that it’s wrong and that I’m denying myself. So, if this is bisexuality, it’s weird because I can’t be with women. And you’re right about the depersonalization stuff. I’ve been feeling like that for a while and when I talk with people, I feel like reality isn’t real and stuff. Like, I feel like I live more in my head more than anything else but that might be because I’m in my room all day on the internet. I know for sure my head is messed up in a lot of ways since the COVID lockdowns so I’m probably not mentally well at this moment.

yun444g

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonym0us Yeah, I’ve absolutely been there before and tons of other OCD sufferers have as well. Not sure if you have a job but having some sort of rigid routine/schedule helps a ton with getting out of your head imo, especially if you’re challenged and sort of forced to face reality from time to time. Regarding your SOOCD—so not to just reassure you but it truly sounds like you’re not gay or even bi. There shouldn’t be a strange feeling of “denying your true self” if you were to be with a woman…honestly I wonder if getting a dating app or at least trying to meet up with some girl on perhaps a casual dating basis could be a good exposure? I’ve found with this stuff it’s easy to think “wow I would feel so uncomfortable being in a relationship right now because of my SOOCD” but I think actually seeking out someeeeee(?) sort of romance, even if super brief and temporary, could be good exposure. Idk, that’s just my 2 cents.

Beck64

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

SOOCD

I've suffered with OCD for 50 years with many different themes. SOOCD is my primary theme, and no matter which theme I may be in the middle of it always comes back to SOOCD. I'm back in therapy because after a couple of really good years, I've been in the middle of a flare up. My new therapist with NOCD, recently asked me what my core fear about homosexuallity is. I can't seem to answer that. The only answer that I can come up with, is that it is just egotistic. I'm a heterosexual man who loves my wife and raised three great kids. My question is, have. any ofyou ever been able to answer that question. I would appreciate any thoughts on this question. Thank you and have a great day.

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 23w

SOOCD

I feel like evryone is saying yeah the worst part is not knowing what my actual sexuality is however for me its like not that but more about being another sexuality and not being able to be with my bf because "my body and my truth are stronger then my will to stay with my bf". I also have the fear of SOOCD ending up being true or for example and more specifically liking it and never going back to men... I dont know if anyone relates to that, let me know!

Sexual Orientation OCD

mattis!

Date posted: 16w

Feels so real

I don’t know if it’s SOOCD. I no longer feel anxious in the moment when I think about women, and it’s like my imagination wants me to think about it and get aroused. I don’t want to be gay, but maybe I am after all. In my life I haven’t been so sexually driven before (when I was living with a man, or when being single) but now all I can think about is having sex with a woman. I don’t want to, but somehow my body does and it feels like my mind have changed to accept it to.. feel so sad This all started around 4 weeks ago..

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Could I still have Soocd (slim margin)?

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