rOCD

i’ve noticed it helps me to remember to assume he has good intentions. ik it’s hard but I catch myself assuming he has bad intentions when i’m obsessing over things like this and if I remember to assume good intentions it helps with each individual thought

Hi, I have this issue of late. I have always had various OCD's but I didn't struggle with ROCD until my partner developed a pattern of becoming "inconsistent" with his truth telling and women were texting him flirtatious messages that he would delete. As you are aware once uncertainty sets in it's no longer a person in front of you, rather they become a mystery. I'm a person who will accept all truths as we all do because we seek answers. It makes everything very black and white, leaving little to grey. Perception here is important, and I'll leave links which helped me a lot. I learned to get back to trusting my partner. He also struggles with ROCD even at one point placing a camera to watch me. In my mind I was thinking he's amping up because he's cheating on me and now he's thinking I'm cheating on him. That threw me because it's something we all kind of see growing up. How jealousy can make people weak to "another situation". That is insecurity and not OCD. OCD is another beast which has levels of insecurity but ultimately we seek answers to quiet a painfully active mind. I felt hurt that he had awoken this in me and betrayed. I felt like I had so much already going on that this just threw me into a spiral. Nothing hits harder than love and well I fell down deep into the spiral. I began to think dark thoughts that we all have the capability of going through with. It came to a point I thought I should order a hold on myself (51/50). When we would talk and he would say he would be open and honest and still lie and hide stuff, I thought he was deliberately trying to exit the relationship and avoid any truth telling. I felt he was manipulating facts to cover up everything and make me feel like I shouldn't be validated. He was deflecting a lot because he didn't like being called out and I didn't understand that because as I said we are only seeking answers. I learned I was having an adverse reaction to my medication but that didn't change that I had these thoughts. I decided I wanted to trust again and I'm not going to be defeated by this. I stopped looking at his devices weeks ago because it only caused me pain. I need good people around me and my partner struggles but he's a good man. I really want to give this a chance and I think he does too. I never want to scare anyone I'm with because I used to be very scary and very distressing to people in my life. It wasn't good. I established a set of boundaries for myself and I know that once a line is crossed I must take back the reins. I have some ability to recognize a lie and honestly I overlook a lot but when I start to see a strange pattern it might as well be kerosene. Call me match. I'm in the thick of it. The point is communication. My partner said it's okay to be weak and hurting and I also feel that way for him so hopefully we can come to truth telling together and share when we are a bit vulnerable. No one is perfect. Not me and not you but we seek perfection because OCD. It's not normal but we constantly ignore that to reassess. Just try to remember there's 100 and a million things that can be truths. Will we ever really know without wasting resources and time to find out? No. Neither can they. It's like that we never really truly know anything about anyone and that means we must live with uncertainty. I really hate a person who will just keep your time, take your energy, your lifetime and cheat on you without letting you know. That is unforgivable and unforgettable in my book and I would absolutely take the time and patience required to feel justified. That being said, trusting is gentle and sweet and I want to be gentle and sweet. I spent a lifetime being the toughest sexiest woman and now I just want to be all that but gentle and sweet. My partner felt harmed when men would tell me they liked me and I overlooked it as a regular everyday occurrence. It is for women. I had to be tough and also learn to look out for these triggers because I long ignored advances and talk point blank to people or laugh like it's a joke. I didn't think that laughing like it's a joke would mean laughing at them like they are a joke. I learned I avoided things and looked for the person past that remark. That is altruistic and we are not always able to do that. I learned in a relationship you must establish boundaries, guidelines to follow for moments of uncertainty, morals, ethics, and goals. I think the struggle makes us stronger because we keep growing these parts of our relationship. I trust my partner and I love him a lot. I feel like he's the most attractive man on god's green earth and no one will do. The uncertainty of whether he thinks this of me is no longer a part of me because I decided it doesn't matter. I am loved. I have many fears, like whether I'm a good enough flirt to keep my relationship interesting. I don't think I am as I mentioned before being flirt with constantly you learn to avoid the action all together to just not have to deal with it. So I never formed those feelings for people. I am forming those feelings for my partner. We aren't always good at everything so be wary of these thoughts as they lead to mania. Communication, trust, love without judgement. No one in the world would look down on you for being a wholesome creature and everyone would scorn the one who harmed you. Be understanding as we have all had our moments and the person in front of you is no different. We live in a world with fast answers but when it comes to another entity, separate from ourselves it's almost unbearable. I understand. We all understand. I hope you do too. Hers the links I mentioned. I'm sorry this is long and disorganized. I'm still working through the medication debacle. Hang in there! https://www.kylebenson.net/are-love-laws-throwing-you-in-relationship-jail/ https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw