I so badly don’t want to be with women but feel like there is no way out of this. There is absolutely no way there isn’t a sliver of truth to it. I feel like I can’t like men now or be with them. My attraction is just gone. All the things I did in my past just can’t be sexual exploration it feels too good to be true if it were that. I wish I could take them back but I can’t.
I’m in the same boat as you, it’s incredibly difficult to work through this theme 🙁 I know there’s nothing wrong with being gay or bi but OCD loves to twist things and blow it out of proportion. I just don’t want to lose my identity and the life I envisioned, so I totally understand how you’re feeling. I’m sure with time things will start to go back to normal, so don’t give up 🤍
Yeah I am also in the same boat and it is awful. I feel like I can't have a moment where I feel comfortable and like myself. I also worry so much about whether I am reacting to the girl or guy with basically everything I read or watch. I have had dreams and fantasies of having a boyfriend and they always made me happy and excited but now it's hard to feel that without doubting. Same thing as mentioned above, it never crossed my mind that I would want to be with a woman. Gosh I am just so frustrated/upset.
I agree with you I’m a guy and identify as straight and I have always envisioned having a family and kids and a gf. Hang in there guys nothing has changed thoughts can’t change you keep moving forward!
I feel the exact same way, I feel like I have no hope for my future because i so badly want a family and to have my own kids one day but I feel like all of this is being stolen from me because I cannot feel any attraction towards men anymore and i do not want to be with women and I’ve never fantasized or found interest in being with women romantically it’s been so hard and when I do start feeling comfortable in my sexuality again (heterosexual) I just shut down and I don’t know why cause I want to be with men but I feel like my body is under attack when I think about being with them which literally sucks!! And idk why I hope you’re feeling better I completely understand with this subtype though it can be so difficult and frustrating and it’s just so hard to feel comfortable with yourself again
i 100% know what you mean. I sometimes go back and look at the stuff I did for sexual exploitation and it sends me into a full blown panic. i truly regret doing those things bc i know deep down I did do it just to explore but it keeps coming back to haunt me. i don’t really feel anything when i see these things anymore but i hate that i did that so so so bad. i know i don’t want to be with a woman either but these things keep coming back to haunt me. I hope you’re doing okay rn. Stay strong
Please someone help me. I feel like I’m in denial. I feel like I don’t have ocd. It’s too real. The intrusive thoughts aren’t as frequent, I don’t have anxiety or do compulsions. I’m not even against the thoughts anymore. I can’t explain how real it feels. It can’t be ocd and the thing is I just don’t want to like girls. That’s it. I just don’t want to. But that sounds like I’m resisting my sexuality and it feels like this too. I’m sorry to everyone on this app but I don’t think I’m like u anymore. If things like internalised homophobia and comphet didn’t exist then I’d know I was straight but they do so now I think I’m just that. I don’t want to marry a girl or have sex with one or anything. I want to be straight and just fucking live my life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I haven’t had a crush on a boy for years even though my ‘ocd’ started in the summer. I’ve had loads of male celebrity crushes that I’ve felt like I’ve loved and I don’t understand how those could’ve been fake but they must have been. Compulsions don’t comfort me I just watch tv to distract myself and that’s it. I can’t do this shit anymore. I don’t want to like girls but I have to be either bi or lesbian. Please I just want to be straight I don’t get it.
I feel like my sexual orientation has changed, it truly feels like I’ll never be straight again and I’m heartbroken. I go out in public and I check if I’m attracted to the pretty girls, I start to make new female friends and I worry I like them, I look at them in ways I never did before just to “make sure”. I worry that I’ll enjoy sex and feelings with girls more and that it’ll be greater than what I have with my partner. I worry that my struggle with intimacy with my boyfriend is because I don’t like men as opposed to my insecurities and inexperience and shyness. It feels like I can’t find appeal in men anymore and even though I find no appeal in women either, my mind tells me my lack of attraction means I Need to be attracted to women. I don’t want to. I’ve had two lesbian dreams this week and it felt like I wanted it. I try to imagine myself in same sex scenarios and I get confused , it feels like I want it when at the beginning of this it just didn’t click. It feels like all my close girl friends from my past are secret crushes. It feels like my attraction to men was never real. I’m so scared and so afraid and so lost, I feel like a prisoner. It feels like my sexuality has changed, I Must be attracted to women. Although I know I love my boyfriend deeply, I now worry a women will come and take his place. I hate this. It makes me feel like my bond with my boyfriend isn’t as special , when my bond with him is what I treasure most. Almost All the best days of my life were with him and now I feel like I’ll have to give it up to be with a woman. I feel like I’m living a lie, I feel like I’m going to have to come out and be with women, my grandma will treat me differently. It feels too real, way way too real.
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
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