Hocd
I so badly don’t want to be with women but feel like there is no way out of this. There is absolutely no way there isn’t a sliver of truth to it. I feel like I can’t like men now or be with them. My attraction is just gone. All the things I did in my past just can’t be sexual exploration it feels too good to be true if it were that. I wish I could take them back but I can’t.
I’m in the same boat as you, it’s incredibly difficult to work through this theme 🙁 I know there’s nothing wrong with being gay or bi but OCD loves to twist things and blow it out of proportion. I just don’t want to lose my identity and the life I envisioned, so I totally understand how you’re feeling. I’m sure with time things will start to go back to normal, so don’t give up 🤍
Yeah I am also in the same boat and it is awful. I feel like I can't have a moment where I feel comfortable and like myself. I also worry so much about whether I am reacting to the girl or guy with basically everything I read or watch. I have had dreams and fantasies of having a boyfriend and they always made me happy and excited but now it's hard to feel that without doubting. Same thing as mentioned above, it never crossed my mind that I would want to be with a woman. Gosh I am just so frustrated/upset.
I agree with you I’m a guy and identify as straight and I have always envisioned having a family and kids and a gf. Hang in there guys nothing has changed thoughts can’t change you keep moving forward!
I feel the exact same way, I feel like I have no hope for my future because i so badly want a family and to have my own kids one day but I feel like all of this is being stolen from me because I cannot feel any attraction towards men anymore and i do not want to be with women and I’ve never fantasized or found interest in being with women romantically it’s been so hard and when I do start feeling comfortable in my sexuality again (heterosexual) I just shut down and I don’t know why cause I want to be with men but I feel like my body is under attack when I think about being with them which literally sucks!! And idk why I hope you’re feeling better I completely understand with this subtype though it can be so difficult and frustrating and it’s just so hard to feel comfortable with yourself again
i 100% know what you mean. I sometimes go back and look at the stuff I did for sexual exploitation and it sends me into a full blown panic. i truly regret doing those things bc i know deep down I did do it just to explore but it keeps coming back to haunt me. i don’t really feel anything when i see these things anymore but i hate that i did that so so so bad. i know i don’t want to be with a woman either but these things keep coming back to haunt me. I hope you’re doing okay rn. Stay strong
I'm feeling awful. This simply can't be true. If I was in fact bi I'd feel good because of it, but I don't. I actually feel dread by this thought. I don't have any will in being with a woman. Today my childhood friend that I lost contact with told me she's bi. This triggered me so much, got all these images on my mind. I just want to be free from these thoughts, I don't want to keep wondering if I want to be with women, this messes me up so much. I don't want to keep asking myself if this is really hocd or denial or internalized homophobia. I can't deal with this anymore.
**If you're not familiar with hocd please don't answer.** It feels like there's no straight me left. I've accepted that I'm a lesbian I don't know if that's what I was supposed to do. I'm deeply uncomfortable and unhappy. I feel that if I was meant to be gay this would feel like it was right for me. It only feels right because if I call myself anything else it feels like I'm lying to myself. The world feels like it's falling apart. I understand that there are people who are happy being gay and that is wonderful for them. I don't want this. I tried saying that I will just call myself straight because I'm only interested in persuing men, but my brain will not let me because I was turned on by a porn of a woman touching herself and its harder for me to get turned on by anything else now. I'm attracted to boys, but what if it's just aesthetically? I don't get a groinal response when I look at an attractive man so I guess that's true. I get groinal responses for women and I guess that's what true attraction is supposed to feel like. I'm masculine. I've been told I'm masculine too. Part of me feels like I want this now. I hate it, but my brain keeps saying what if I'm supposed to be this way. The idea of living in denial of my true self is just as scary to me. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like this has eaten my whole identity. I want to feel like a girl, I want to be girly, but I'm not allowed to be. I want all of this to end.
I just feel like my hocd isn't ocd. It doesnt feel like I can determine if I like it anymore. It just feels like I like it now and that im trying so desperately to relate to people with it. I want to just cry and crawl into a hole an die. This isnt what I want but it feels like have no choice and I'm trapped. It feels so real that im at a point where I feel like there is no way it cant be real :(
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
