Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

This doesn’t feel like HOCD anymore

Honestly I’m just over this. I remember having feelings for boys when younger but now I’m convinced that was all a lie. My mind makes me think my social anxiety/awkwardness was me just actually being attracted to girls when I’ve never thought of them in that way. Sometimes it’s not even thoughts anymore it’s intrusive feelings/emotions. I can’t even go see my friends without feeling like I’m suppressing feelings and it’s not even good feelings it’s out of fear. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I have a boyfriend who I love and have spurts where I do feel in love with him but they don’t last for very long. I don’t wanna leave him we worked too hard to come back to each other and this is all because of one grade that caused my depressive episode that made me lose my sense of purpose and feelings. I don’t wanna be gay I’ve always wanted a husband and my own kids but now I feel like I’ll never have that. None of this is fair at all. I just wanna be straight and normal again I’ve even had clarity moments that tell me I’m straight and then I feel normal but then the thoughts take over and I don’t even know what’s real anymore

Sexual Orientation OCD

Catalinaaa

Date posted: 2y

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, because I do too, so I understand your feelings. Sometimes I think, feel and believe that I have already assumed homosexuality, compulsively imaginating s3x scenes with women and feeling aroused and thinking "ok, then it's settled, if I feel this way it means that I like it" But then a few days later feeling completely in love and attracted to my boyfriend... It's been quite a rollercoaster. I'm not here to tell if you are or are not gay, but to make you feel secure of sharing your problems with people who are going through the same. I know it's hard, but believe there is peace at some point✨

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

😔

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Catalinaaa It’s so hard especially when I wanted a husband for so long and that’s what I still want. I don’t care if I have this for the rest of my life I’m gonna get what I’ve longed to have for so long even after being treated like trash and hurt by guys

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Catalinaaa I have moments that I cling onto that make me think it’s ocd such as it flipping one night and I was worrying about my boyfriend getting bored and leaving, and I’ve had other moments where I’m excited about some things and feel more in love with him and that’s what I want to fight for

Catalinaaa

Date posted: 2y

Well, you are not fighting alone. I'm 4 months pregnant and having a family with my boyfriend is what I always dreamed in my entire life. Sometimes, like these days, OCD comes and whisper "what if you don't want this, what if you are in denial" I say today is a great day to answer to OCD "well what if you just f*ck off!!"

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Catalinaaa Honestly that’s how I feel at this point. OCD has taken enough from me and I want to be happy with my boyfriend and have the future that we always talk about. Congratulations on your baby! I just found out my best friend is pregnant and she’s just as far along as you!

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Literally explained me

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Be strong🖤

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Sp1999 Idk how to be anymore. The worst part is when I’m in my head in a depressive state I literally just don’t care and have less anxiety. If I feel normal after having clarity moment of being straight then it’s like I come back to normal but then the thoughts change a guy to a girl and idek how to deal with it. I try to tell myself that I love my boyfriend and that’s all that matters and I even got an intrusive thought about having a crush on his male friend who I feel good around sometimes cuz he is pretty cute but I would never act on it. It just makes me confused

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I get it trust me, whenever I see a muscular man i feel like im attracted to em and it seems like its specifically people I would try to be or look like or wanna look like This is all confusing and whats worse is that im 23 and dont know if I missed something . I hope im straight

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Sp1999 We’re gonna come out of this like we were before. We just have to hang in there. I worked too hard to be back with my boyfriend and I’m not gonna let some little thought I had one night define who I am and what I want. I knew what I wanted before and that’s what I’m gonna stick with

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Actions count over thought I think lol. But I hope we all do, I really do

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Sp1999 are you seeing a therapist

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Yes he's cool but I haven't seem in half a month. I just dont believe in erp.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Sp1999 Some things don’t work for everyone with this disorder. OCD can be pretty unique to the individual. Some cases don’t even start out with a thought but a feeling from what I’ve seen. I had to quit seeing mine as I couldn’t afford it and anyone that I find in my town isn’t taking new clients so I’m stuck in this hole

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I got over a thousand already paid for therapy. But mines mostly feelings but often thoughts depending.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Sp1999 Mine is mostly feelings now as well. I’m glad you are at least able to get help and hope you can find your way back soon. You just have to let them roll of your back because you know that’s not what you want

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous It just feels so real, its crazy along with groinals. I feel like mines different i feel like i am changing

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Sp1999 It’s gonna be okay we’re gonna make it through this and come out stronger than before

Sp1999

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I wanna cry now tbh... im tired of this 💔

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Sp1999 Be strong it’s gonna be okay

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

I feel exactly this way and all I do is panic because that’s not what I want. I just want to be normal 😭

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous You’re gonna make it through this

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