hi! I really need someone to help out right now. I would appreciate it so much. Thanks:)
I know this is kind of long, but please help me out and read it.
please help confirm for me that the symptoms im experiencing are just extreme existential OCD, depersonalization, and anxiety. it would make me feel a lot better.
7-8 months ago a traumatic event led me to experience severe depersonalization. ive had OCD for as long as i can remember basically, but itās become a lot worse from this. i am a very big overthinker, so i tend to over analyze a lot of the things going on around me, my perception of everything, my thoughts, etc. itās gotten so bad because of the depersonalization that i at times really canāt function anymore.
one day, all iāll be able to think about is the irrational fear that i somehow am going to die and thereās something terribly wrong with my brain, like cancer or something.
then the next, iāll be freaking out, worrying that im gonna go crazy. like this is some kind of early onset schizophrenia. i start doing research and i start obsessing over each and every thought i have, everything i see, etc.
then iāll be paranoid about my family, worrying that none of them are real and theyāre imposters or something. i know itās irrational. i recognize that and donāt genuinely believe it. but the fact that this thought worries me concerns me even more because it leads me to believe im going crazy.
i am having existential crises regularly. like, all the time. itās actually ridiculous. iāll be reading a book and i start contemplating the English language and how it came to be, and then language altogether, and then how humans were able to create and understand language, and then how they were able to sound it out, how sound exists altogether, and so on. lol. like what the hell?
a few days ago i was looking out of my bedroom window, and all the sudden had the intrusive thought come into my head, āwhat if this is just a simulation and what you see outside of your window is merely a two dimensional image?ā and then i almost had a full on panic attack.
anyways, those are some examples. iām so worried. i feel like i have no control over what freaks me out anymore. i feel like i have no control of my brain altogether. i donāt want to go crazy. i donāt want to feel like im stuck in a dream anymore. im so scared. somebody please help me.
i live my life in fear, worrying about everything i perceive. im exhausted.
i canāt tell anyone because i donāt want them to worry, or think that im going crazy. thatāll only reinforce my fears.