Username: Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Questioning everything

It’s what if after what if. Existential stuff. What if the way I perceive the world is different from how the rest of the world sees the world. What if my feelings aren’t real? What if everything is an illusion? What if these new thoughts are how things actually are? What is even “right” or “true”…? Why are things the way they are? Why are people the way they are? I didn’t start having thoughts like these until I dated someone who was unlike anyone I’d ever known. He was abusive, manipulative, delusional, overly philosophical and biblical, and didn’t make much sense. The way he viewed the world and people was so off and so wrong and disturbing. He definitely had mental illness and I spent so much time racking my brain trying to understand why he is the way he is that I’ve become obsessed over what is even real and what makes things “ok” or “right”… I know it sounds silly but it is MADDENING and I just want to go back to being happy and blissfully unaware. Life and people and things just seem soooo complicated and scary and NOTHING makes sense. Help. Can anyone relate?

Existential OCD

Username: adityasinghadityasingh

Date posted: 2y ago

I know what you feel. You should study advaita vedanta texts to get rid of existentialism.

Username: Yuli eggyYuli eggy

Date posted: 2y ago

Yes! My theme was similar a month ago, I questioned EVERYTHING and looking back I think I made a mistake on how I approached that, because I felt anxious I just spent most of the day on my phone delving deeper and reading and feeling better and then bad again and back and forth, when I should've just moved on to something else, I think eventually that's what we must do. All that anxious search for a conclusion escalated to what I'm dealing with now which is pretty bad.. My suggestion is to go back to what you would be doing if you weren't dealing with this, like it won't feel good because these questions would still be nagging at you but trying to answer them isn't helpful.. just let these things be noise in the back of your head while you go about your day, I hope you get better :)

Username: Phillip91Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

My OCD operates very similarly in that it created an existential crisis where I question everything too. I've found that I feel better if I acknowledge the very real truth that I am scared of existential questions, give myself the self compassionate permission to be scared and not judge myself for my progress, and then choose not engage in the mental compulsions of trying to figure those obsessive questions out. The mental compulsions are what keep it alive for me, but they're so hard to break. I've found that my obsessions die down every time I give myself permission to be scared and permission to fail. It's like it takes the pressure off myself and I just let whatever happen, happen. It's been working wonders recently and I've found it easier and easier to not engage with the intrusive thoughts when they pop up. You're in good company, questioning everything sucks! I hope you have a better week ahead!

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Right. We will never find the answer. It’s just hard to enjoy love, relationships, friendships, when you’re constantly questioning sincerity, reason, etc. it’s horrible. But you’re right. We’ll never know. So why keep searching when the searching (compulsion) is what makes it worse.

Username: Yuli eggyYuli eggy

Date posted: 2y ago

The funny thing is that normally a lot of people enjoy these topics, I've enjoyed them myself but then these questions cause distress and the search becomes like pathological.. Still something I've tried doing is still search but I'll try to time myself so I don't get too caught up with it.

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Never heard of it. Thank you!!

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

That’s true. Maybe I need to just try to reframe my perspective on it but that seems impossible.

Username: Yuli eggyYuli eggy

Date posted: 2y ago

Yes.. I get you, perhaps you can't do that at the moment. I believe you need to heal rn

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Yuli eggy What has your healing process been like?

Username: Yuli eggyYuli eggy

Date posted: 2y ago

@Taylor10 Healing needs you to follow through with the ERP, tbh I just relapsed today thinking it would be okay to do a "little bit" but I think it was a mistake, my anxiety went up again and stuff and I feel like I was better before relapsing. I'd say my healing has been very slow because I relapse here and there..

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Yuli eggy Sorry to hear. I know that is a scary feeling. You’ll get to a good place again. I’ve been doing research on OCD and trauma since the OCD I’ve experienced immediately followed the chronic high stress and abuse I’ve been through recently..and what I discovered was both conditions overlap with the same symptoms so people who go through both have trouble knowing whether it’s best to treat the trauma first or the OCD. What makes it even more frustrating is some therapists believe trauma should be treated first and others think OCD should. This doesn’t help my OCD of course because there’s no certain answer to my problem. Lol

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Thanks so much. It makes me feel better to have someone to relate to, but I’m sorry you struggle too. I would not wish this on anyone. I appreciate your input. Have you tried medication? I know when I had OCD in this past, medication made me think clearly and my mood was so much better..more like myself. I haven’t been on medication in a couple of years but my mood has declined. I’m sure this is situational but it’s still hard to get through the day-to-day… I want to try to get better without it so I’m avoiding that route. But if this persists for too long I may just have to try it again.

Username: Phillip91Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Taylor10 I do think medication has been helpful in raising the floor for me when I hit a low. I’m on 100mg Zoloft and doing ERP both since June and just this month I’ve really started to notice a difference. I went from basically being bedridden in April to now having days where I forget I have ocd for a few hours at a time. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time again. It’s such a strange illness where progress isn’t linear. Some of my best days have been followed my worst and visa versa. Really doing my best to ignore the intrusive thoughts as just worries and fears and accept myself as I am at any given time. We’ll all get there together! :)

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Phillip91 So true..same for me! Good days and bad. But man do I miss the days where “bad days” were just a tiny bump in the road and not debilitating. There’s a part of me that always fears poor mental health and depression so when I’m feeling better, my brain always reminds me of the scary sad feelings and it’s like ultimately I can’t escape. That’s why I miss medication. I tried Zoloft and I had the WORST anxiety and insomnia. I had to take benzos to find a little relief and even 8 weeks in I wasn’t feeling any better so I stopped. I used to take Lexapro and had good luck with it for the anxiety and depression. I know it’s not approved for OCD or PTSD but I still had a good experience with it…

Username: Phillip91Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Taylor10 I’m the same! I was terrified to start Zoloft which honestly made that chapter worse than it should have been haha. I had horrible insomnia and then my anxiety was at an all time high. I started in March at 25mg and worked my way up to 100 mg in June. Each time my anxiety would spike and then I’d feel a bit better. It’s only now 3 months in with 100mg and ERP that I really am starting to feel the difference. I also take Trazadone for sleep which has been a godsend. I sleep like a baby now even when I’m anxious. If you do go on an SSRI again and have insomnia I’d talk to the doctor about Trazadone. It’s non-habit forming and got me through the worst of the anxiety when I started Zoloft - better than the benzos for sleep since you won’t build up a tolerance or experience bad withdrawal.

Username: Phillip91Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Taylor10 Also… dog lovers unite! 🐶🐾

Username: Tee10Tee10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Phillip91 Good to know. Haha and yes! 😄💗🐶 Yours is super adorable!

Username: tarek kammar

Date posted: 2y ago

Schizo, existing , philosophical , doomsday ocd

Is questioning why do things happens , and why they are what they are , and the need to have an answer for every complicated question such as ( what is consiousness and how do our mind create signals and who is the I and do i control my mind or does control me and many many questions about the universe and reality) Are also considered ocd ? I saw a post for a schizophrenic friend asking same questions And i fear that is the start to me losing my mind Can anyone relate to the questions? And are they okay ? And what helps to live normal (knowing that im on paroxtine 30mg)

Username: Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

Can anyone relate?

Woke up this morning immediately looking for the thoughts that I’ve been having even though i don’t want to think about them. I feel like i ended up bringing them upon myself and then i had a super gruesome thought and have been worrying about it all morning. Is it possible to bring thoughts upon yourself? Is it ocd or is it just me? I’m just so scared of going “crazy” that i keep looking for thoughts deciding if it’s me or not if you know what i mean. It’s such a scary feeling When you feel like you don’t know who you are 😭 i literally am just petrified of completely losing sense of who i am and doing something bad and being locked away forever. Is it possible to just turn bad? Does anybody know what i mean by that? Like you secretly have a double ego and completely turn into somebody different? Does anyone else experience this? Is it ocd? I’m so scared i feel like i can never catch a break.

Harm OCD

Username: flowerpetals

Date posted: 1y ago

Do people with existential ocd have this terrifying fear that people aren’t real and then they start to feel detached or dissociate only making it worse??? Along with this, do you fear that even though people can relate to you, what if that’s what you’re supposed to hear to help you move on, but really what your fearing is true??? I feel like I’m going insane. I sometimes get these questions, but they go away within minutes. However, these have been staying because I started asking the question “well if people aren’t real then hurt them”. I have other things ruminating in my head, but they’re either too hard to explain or will literally make me sound like I’m going crazy.

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