Horrible day today

Hi everyone, I hope you’re all doing well. I wanted to make a post because last night and today are borderline unbearable. I got triggered by something last night and had the worst physical urges and intrusive thoughts in a long while. I’m also scared because I usually can revert back to my original feelings before my ocd after a while, but today I can’t and it’s scaring me. I’m worried this means I’m accepting what ocd is telling me and it’s scaring the life out of me. The pit of my stomach has been heavy all day long and I’m on the verge of tears. I’m not sure if you can private message on here, but I would really appreciate some chatting or support from people who have had similar experiences because I feel so alone and helpless. I feel like I’m doomed and I’ll never get out. I never wanted this but my ocd tells me I do because I’ve had this theme for so long but I feel like my values are fading and I’m so scared. I’m not sure what to do and I have nobody else to talk about it. If anyone can talk about it or similar experiences, please do. Thank you

POCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Are you me? I made a post just like this two nights ago, and had the *exact* same stuff happen (well, I had groinals with minimal physical urges, but they certainly were still there. 🥲) As hard as it is, try not to feed into the worries about whether this means you're accepting it or agreeing with it! Trust me - I know *exactly* how you're feeling right now, just on day 3 instead of 2 like you. 🤍 It's important to remember how far you've come - because you usually can bounce back, right? This, how you're feeling yesterday and today, aren't your norm - something set off your OCD and that's okay! It doesn't mean your progress is gone, or that your values are fading (you 100% wouldn't want to cry or be upset if they were). This theme is horrifying, and I wish it was talked about more considering it's probably the most common one that's brought up in therapy alongside contamination - but at the end of the day, it's OCD. It's OCD wearing a really fucked up costume of something we're fearful of, of the worst thing our mind can muster up. It's not us. I'm always free to chat, especially since we're going through the same thing! :)

Meebee22

Date posted: 2y

@moonlights Thank you so much, honestly this comment means the world to me. I can’t help but burst into tears. It’s so relieving to know someone else is going through the same thing. You’re right, I hope I can get through this, I have before it just feels so different and worse each time and it’s just awful. The groinal responses and physical urges are the absolute worst. It makes everything feel so real and I’m still learning how to navigate life with them happening. I just can’t help but think that I am just faking ocd and I’m secretly a monster and every time I think that it’s so hard to not just close myself in my room and never come back out. Thank you for replying, I would love to talk more, I really don’t have a support system so it’s really nice of you to reply. Thank you again, it made me feel a bit better

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@Meebee22 You can get through this, just like I and every other sufferer of this theme can. Believe in the power and strength that you as a person have - that even though you can't simply make the OCD go away, you absolutely can get to a point where it can no longer bully you and disrupt your life. 🤍 Try and remind yourself that all of those fears you're having are common OCD tricks: we ALL feel like we're just faking, or not "OCD enough," or like we're secretly heinous criminals waiting for the time to strike. We aren't. We're victims of a disorder that's debilitating to live with. Knowledge is power, even if it won't make the OCD go away - learn about the disorder, watch content on Youtube about it, read books on it! The more we learn, the more we can eventually come to terms with what's going on - we don't have to agree with our thoughts, but accepting them as a part of life now will always make things easier to handle. I know first hand just how horrible it is to have to try and accept that the thoughts are there, and that I can't just wake up one morning with them gone - I've cried a lot over it. But there were people before us with it that lived successful, happy lives - and there will be many more after us that do the same. WE get to choose how to live with this, even if that means sometimes we fall down and lose our way for a while. :)

Meebee22

Date posted: 2y

@moonlights Thank you. I think you’re right, learning more about it will help. Hopefully things will get better for us both! It hurts so much but things can only get better from rock bottom I hope! Thanks again for the help. I’m very grateful you reached out. :) it definitely helps me feel a bit more hopeful ❤️

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I want to talk to someone harm ocd, really 🙁

I’m out of energy my cod feels at its worst I actually feel like I’m bad and there is something wrong with me I feel numb I can’t cry or be anxious over anything and I don’t know what to do because I don’t feel normal now it feels like I’m bad. I had this stabbing thought which I after started deliberately imaging to test myself but instead it felt like I like the feeling and know how it feels to stab someone then I was getting this feeling that I liked it wanted it or would enjoy it and it felt extremely real like i wanted it because it would feel ‘good’ I cant explain it but it suddenly felt like I enjoy or want it almost like I wanted to feel the feeling of doing that bad thing because I ‘like it’ I have no energy I can’t get over that feeling because it now felt like I actually wanted it I don’t know what is going on I’m worrying now I will actually want that to know how it is or as if I’ve discovered what evil people like or why they enjoy it and now I’m so lost and confused and I feel numb I don’t even know if I want or don’t want it and people always say with ocd they feel like they want it but they know deep down it’s against their morals or they would never do that but it literally feels like I don’t know now and it felt like a real feeling that I thought there was something good or enjoyable about doing that thing and I’m concerned I’ve had ocd for 2/3 years now and I’ve gone through crying and being upset and all the different emotions of having it and now I’m experiencing this and worried if I’ve changed and what if I’m actually evil now or have come to like evil things from imagining it and I want to talk to someone I don’t know what to do the other day it felt really real that it was about to happen and that I wanted to and I was getting this sick feeling that I was happy or liked it. Please I need advice I can’t get over this and move on because it feels like it wasn’t ocd and that feeling still happens and how can I ignore it and even if I try to ignore it I can’t because it felt real that I liked it and now it feels like there’s no going back if it felt like I actually liked it 🙁🙁

Generiname

Date posted: 23w

Not in a good place

My OCD wants to kill me. I have been crying to the point of nausea and the idea of carrying this disorder for the rest of my life has put my body in a state of fight or flight for well over 5 years. I’m exhausted, I’m tired, no one messages me because all I talk about is my OCD because that IS my day, week, month etc. I’m a struggling alcoholic because of this fucking disorder and it’s too much, I want to drink so bad but I know I’ll mess with my medication in a pretty scary way. But at this point I’m starting to not care. I’m scared and it feels like a bad dream where no one understands what I’m going through. Sorry for the word dump, I need to vent here because at least you guys get it.

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 15w

I wish so badly I could have someone to talk to

Is there a therapist or a specialist on here that I can briefly chat with? Or maybe an OCD conqueror who’s very familiar with the disorder? I need an experienced person to talk to me so bad. I just really wanna talk to somebody about what I’m going through so that I feel less alone, and so I can maybe get help managing my symptoms. Thank you in advance ♥️

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