Hey Alec, you’re in good company. I was going through a very difficult time and got stuck on the idea of “a thought is just a thought.” For some reason the idea that I didn’t control all of my thoughts terrified me and made me question every dream, desire, and thing that I loved. It was horrible. It’s actually what led me ti discover that I had OCD. I’ve been working really hard on my existential OCD and the good days are getting better and the bad days are getting shorter. I can tell you that the honest answer is we’ll never know the answers to the questions we seek, so the solution is to stop engaging with the question. Every time I acknowledge the question as an intrusive thought and move on, I feel like my old self. It’s only when I go down the rabbit hole that I feel horrible and terrified again. Our OCD is lying to us and trying to trick us into believing that free will and existential questions are something that is life and death - which is why it feels so urgent and painful to not have an answer. We can retrain the fear center of our brain to stop bothering us with this impossible question and regain our life again. Hang in there! We can do it!