Free will and mind/body obsession

I accidentally discovered the free will debate when I was in a bad place mentally, and I cannot stop obsessing over it. It’s been making me physically ill. I’ve also just felt 100% insane. Like, if there’s no free will, how do I even begin to fight back over the obsession? How do I take control? And when I try to believe in free will to escape, that loops me back into the obsessive cycle. I’m just so lost. I hate this so much.

Existential OCD

Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Hey Alec, you’re in good company. I was going through a very difficult time and got stuck on the idea of “a thought is just a thought.” For some reason the idea that I didn’t control all of my thoughts terrified me and made me question every dream, desire, and thing that I loved. It was horrible. It’s actually what led me ti discover that I had OCD. I’ve been working really hard on my existential OCD and the good days are getting better and the bad days are getting shorter. I can tell you that the honest answer is we’ll never know the answers to the questions we seek, so the solution is to stop engaging with the question. Every time I acknowledge the question as an intrusive thought and move on, I feel like my old self. It’s only when I go down the rabbit hole that I feel horrible and terrified again. Our OCD is lying to us and trying to trick us into believing that free will and existential questions are something that is life and death - which is why it feels so urgent and painful to not have an answer. We can retrain the fear center of our brain to stop bothering us with this impossible question and regain our life again. Hang in there! We can do it!

Dee C

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you both for a very interesting discussion.

Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Dee C Of course! We all have different strategies for learning to work with our OCD. I love chatting with other people to see what works for them :)

Alec123

Date posted: 2y ago

I think the very fact that I can try to fight back is proof enough that I have choice, if I let it be.

Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Alec123 I’d take it one step further and don’t even settle on an answer. It’s so difficult and uncomfortable, and I’m still stumbling as I learn to live this new mindset - but recovery lies in not even settling on an answer. Maybe we have free will, maybe we don’t. But what is true is you’ll be happier not debating the question with yourself. OCD unfortunately doesn’t reason with logic haha. No matter what answer you have, it’ll throw another doubt your way. OCD is trying to protect you by making it feel real so you focus on finding a solution to the problem, but it’s just a false signal. Are you doing ERP to help?

Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

When you do ERP it’ll be one of the most liberating experiences of your life because you’ll be proving to your OCD that you are in control - not your anxiety and fear. In essence you’ll be proving your own free will! Because your OCD certainly wants you to stay in bed and to keep second guessing your existence. When you choose not to engage you prove who’s the boss. For me, the ultimate answer to the free will question is learning to live my life the way I want to despite being uncomfortable and afraid. If we do that enough, eventually we won’t feel afraid anymore and we’ll enjoy life again. I hope that helps!

Alec123

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you, it does help. I appreciate you taking time to respond to me.

Phillip91

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Alec123 Anytime Alec! We’re all in this together. We’ve got this!

Alec123

Date posted: 2y ago

That makes sense. I know I’ll never have a definitive answer. There will always be someone out there with a counterpoint. I think it’s okay to know I won’t ever have the answer for everyone. But I also feel like I have to grant myself at least the power to control my own life to some extent. And what is that but free will? My challenge is to stop searching for counterpoints, either through research or just in my own mind. And just live. I have yet to start ERP, but I should be starting soon.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 12w ago

OMG how you control your mental compulsions?!?!?!

I cannot for the life of me stop ruminating or checking how I feel about thoughts or focusing on thoughts or creating more thoughts. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I want to scream. I try not to ruminate about the thoughts, but trying not to just makes me think about them more. I try not to check, but somehow, I still check. I want to let a thought sit in the background, but the more I try not to focus on it, the more I end up focusing on it. I don’t want the thought to expand because that feels like engaging with it, but I can’t just stop it from expanding. It feels impossible. People keep saying I’m in control of my compulsions, and maybe that’s true for the physical ones. But when it comes to the mental compulsions, I swear I have no control. It feels like I’m missing something that everyone else seems to have, like there’s some tool they’re using that I don’t have. Controlling mental compulsions has never felt possible for me. I’m starting to fear them. And every time someone says I’m in control and can just choose not to do them, I end up beating myself up even more when they happen. Or when I *choose* I guess. I don’t know anymore. If this is my fault, if I’m responsible for this, then what does that make me? I feel like a monster. I am at my wits’ end. How am I supposed to control mental compulsions when it feels like they control me? I freak out when they happen. They don’t bring me relief, they just make me panic. I want it to stop so bad.

TrustTheProcess

Date posted: 11w ago

The phrase "it's not that deep"

Today I've let myself go down a huge rabbit hole regarding this phrase and it's stressing me out. Sometimes, yes, it is that deep. But other times, it really isn't. I keep finding myself torn between these two ideals. I've been seeing all these videos regarding the rise of anti-intellectualism and the anti-woke mob, all that. These videos make me extremely worried about cancel culture and moral guilt, and they had me rethinking every morally wrong, gross, questionable thing or thought I ever had. I saw many comments saying that yes everything is that deep and it feels like my mind is on constant security and asking myself "what would the internet think about the things I've thought of or may have done?" On one hand, I feel like if I say "it's not that deep", I feel like a hypocrite or a bad person or an idiot. But on the other hand if I say "it is that deep", my OCD begins to spiral and analyze everything about myself. It's not healthy to overanalyze everything but it's also not healthy to ignore bad things. It's very stressful Does anyone relate to this?

moon027097

Date posted: 10w ago

Mental compulsions/ rumination

So hard to not engage the thoughts because even though it's from the "past" (i don't even know if im remembering things correctly and it kills me) and i can't change it, I just NEED to prove it to myself that it didn't happen this way. If you'd asked me questions maybe a few months ago, I would have been able to lucidly explain things. Now I just feel like I'm in a constant swarm of thoughts, not knowing if anything is real. If my brain is to be trusted. Wish I could just get hypnosis to forget

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Free will and mind/body obsession

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