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Username: Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

Has anyone felt this?

I've delt with intrusive thoughts and feelings about my lack of emotional connection with my boyfriend for years. It's eating at me. I want to connect with him, and I want to feel it through me but I struggle so much and my brain is making me feel it's because I don't like him. But I know I do and I know he's my forever, but even as I write that I feel like a liar. I have a feeling my intrusive thoughts and feelings and depression have a lot to do with why I struggle on top of everything else that comes at our relationship, but as of late it feels like I don't care more casually. My chest doesn't tighten, I don't panic, I feel like it bother my less and I fucking hate it. I feel like I'm accepting some "truth" and I want it to piss me off but I just feel nothing. Have any of you experienced this? How do I fix it?

Relationship OCD

Username: SlysthSlysth

Date posted: 2y ago

You might be exhausted and you're automatically trying to protect yourself and shutting down. Key thing here: depression. It's very hard to love someone when you're struggling to love yourself and love life. You probably know you love him but you can't quite experience it. You might feel cold not because you don't actually love him but because you don't completely feel his love for you, then on top of that you blame yourself. Try being more compassionate with yourself. Acknowledge they're intrusive thoughts, that what's keeping you in this state isn't reason. You torturing yourself keeps OCD alive, it feeds off itself. Look at him. Listen to him. Experience him. You might be looking are your obsessions when you think you're looking at him. You fell in love with a human, not with pre established notions that you should love him. It's as if you stayed looking at an ice cream bar wondering why you're not enjoying it, instead of eating it.

Username: findingmyblissfindingmybliss

Date posted: 2y ago

@Slysth wow youre so good

Username: Sero82Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

This is really well put together, thank you so much. I do feel like I'm trying to protect myself a lot but guilt is accompanied with that because I feel like it comes at the expense of him. OCD has turned me upside down and made me doubt even my depression to the point where I miss how shitty my depression made me feel even though my life is still like that my brain is on overdrive and doesn't realize. Acknowledging that they are intrusive thoughts sounds nice but is hard when feelings are associated with it. Sometimes I just feel like I'm bullshiting and could give less a damn which by the way feeling like you're indifferent as opposed to not liking something is so much worse.

Username: kimdlkimdl

Date posted: 2y ago

I know that too!! Its like he looks at me with so much love and I am feeling neutral like the 🇨🇭 or even anxious like I get cold feet. And I dont know if its my OCD or real...

Username: smilesforallsmilesforall

Date posted: 2y ago

What causes this thought or what you feed from?

Username: Sero82Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

I don't know. We struggle to communicate sometimes and it gets difficult but when the thought that I don't like him pops up I just go down a cliff with it and it gets worse. Nothing really causes it. It scares me that I genuinely feel like I don't like him.

Username: smilesforallsmilesforall

Date posted: 2y ago

@Sero82 How long you been with them and how long you been dealing with this feeling

Username: Sero82Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

@smilesforall I've been with him for 3 years. I want to say it's been going on for 2 years, but bc my memory is wiped and I get intrusive thoughts on when I first shared back my feelings for him it feeling like almost from the start.

Username: Anonymous<3Anonymous<3

Date posted: 2y ago

I can relate. Sometimes it even feels like my partner is a stranger and that I don’t recognize him. I find it hard to have conversations with him because my head is always saying something. I don’t panic anymore which causes me to then have intrusive thoughts telling me that since it’s not making me anxious it must be true. At times when my partner is talking to me or something else I get irritated with him. And I notice it’s not just with him it’s with most people ( I’m very quiet in real life , hate socializing) but when it comes to him it bothers me so much that I get irritated with him.

Username: Sero82Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

I resonate with what you've said so much. I get intrusive thoughts about my lack of reaction to thoughts/feelings as well but also I get so easily irritated with him for no reason. Just now I texted him something nice and having him tell me on call about a misunderstanding he had with my message got me so annoyed for no reason. Like it's not even a big deal but even the little things apparently set me off.

Username: BoringJohnsonBoringJohnson

Date posted: 2y ago

@Sero82 It’s nice to know that I’m not alone about that. I feel so much guilt when I get easily irritated at my partner because I know he doesn’t deserve it.

Username: kimdlkimdl

Date posted: 2y ago

@xXOXOXOXx Oh I know that too. Then it gets mixed with self hatred like "why am I feeling and thinking this way/he doesnt deserve that/ wtf is wrong with me" cause honestly He has far less "baggage" than I have and doesnt complain 😅

Username: ELO

Date posted: 5y ago

Does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts at times make them ‘feel’ things? Like if you have an intrusive thought about your boyfriend you then begin to feel you don’t want to be with him. And afterward you feel extreme guilt and shame because you do love him so much. I used to call them “fake feelings”

Username: Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

Need some advice/help

Social media is really kicking my butt. I keep seeing people who say "my SO loves me but I only like them" and the advice is to break up. I've been having trouble being into my feelings for most of my relationship and didn't realize it was ROCD until after it caused huge tension in my relationship (now repaired), but I still struggle to say "I love you" because it's hard for me to feel the strength in emotional connection that comes with love. Every time I get a negative thought about my bf or relationship, it just gets harder bc I feel like I only recognize negatives about him. He means so much to me and I adore him truly, but I don't understand why I'm struggling to feel it. Even when intimate, I just don't get it. It's like I'm kissing him, but my mind is elsewhere and I feel incredibly guilty. When we are talking, it feels like I'm bored and trying to focus even though it should come easy for someone you care to listen to and it makes me feel like I genuinely don't care for him which is false. I feel like dissociate sometimes because I'm there but just not present not really. I hear but don't listen. I'm forgetful. I am confused. Does anyone else have or has had this experience? What do you do? How do you fix it? Because at this rate, I'm just feeling like I'm making excuses for lack of feelings.

Relationship OCD

Username: Butterfly_23

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD

General statement/question for anyone who can possibly relate: I've been struggling with ROCD for about 3 months now, the typical "do I actually love him", "what if I don't and I'm just leading him on", "why don't I feel connected any more, this must mean something is wrong with us", "planning the future makes me anxious because we might break up"...the list goes on. I've been especially struggling these past few days. I want a big future with this man and I've never second guessed it until all these intrusive thoughts have come into my life with a bang. I hate them. I feel so emotionally drained and incapable of enjoying the moments I have with him because I'm constantly thinking about the things missing. The fact I struggle to stay present. As we all probably know the age old reassurance after an anxiety inducing thought- I do this fairly often, googling my thoughts and why I'm feeling this way. I am so beyond exhausted. I know I want to marry this man and a future with him isn't scary, it's just significant moments that trigger me and suddenly I'm spiring into the OCD cycle again. I just want to know other people feel the same? I've been feeling so flat and disconnected from everyone, especially him which breaks my heart. I know I love him, so deeply - even writing that my brain said "are you sure you do?". I just want to see if other people experience ROCD similar to me. Thanks

Relationship OCD

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