Here to help

@kirby7980 I know exactly how u feel! It started with what if im gay as well, and then it made me so anxious to the point I couldn’t leave my house. But after two months now, the thoughts are more directed towards my self identity like “oh what if uve been in denial” or “what if u actually dont have OCD and ur just closeted”..it’s overwhelming i would say but ur not alone!

@Anonymous Yeah I was just wondering because it started with nonstop pestering my mind with “what if I’m gay” now the thoughts are less infrequent and come with less anxiety, but they are more thoughts about “have you been in denial the whole time” “what if you have to come out to your boyfriend” but I keep reminding myself that i am getting better and the only reason they don’t bother me as much is because I know they aren’t true. And I’ve been dealing with it for about 2 months as well. That with a mix of rocd. It’s funny because when my rocd was at its peak, the soocd didn’t matter to me at all and wasn’t on my mind AT ALL😭😂

@kirby7980 What if i were to say that we are in the exact same boat!! My OCD started with my relationship, I’ve been dating for 2.5 years and I’ve had multiple friends come out to me around that time, and i NEVER had the thought of oh what if im gay too! It just happened suddenly almost 2 months ago too, I was in bed, and I imagined myself with a man and then it suddenly became a woman, and here came the panic attack. Always asked my brother, boyfriend if I was gay or if I gave a gay vibe. Now they’re less intense, I dont swear anymore, or have panic attacks but they come and go and the thoughts have different content. “Why did u look at that womans body, see ur in denial” ; “she smiled at u, u got nervous, but maybe ur excited”. It just makes you doubt yourself so much

@Anonymous Omg literally same… I’ve dealt with ocd my whole life. I obsessed over stupid stuff but never really realized it was ocd. But when this hit, the soocd came out of nowhere. It was because me and my boyfriend were I’m joking around and he goes “if we break up the only reason would be if one of us is secretly gay” and my mind went CRAZY. I was like no plz don’t do this again😭💀 but yeah it came back and has made my life a living hell and has now given me rocd. But once the rocd went away, the soocd is what’s pounding me right now. But when the rocd was at its highest, the soocd was never even on my mind. I literally just want to be happy with my boyfriend again😭😭

@kirby7980 I also have a girlfriend so I know exactly how you feel , I just treat everything as a lie like if my mind tells me I don’t find my girl attractive I say okay you right if you say so 🤷🏽‍♂️ I also got a lot of anxiety when I first got my girlfriend because I felt like the whole time I was with her I would get intrusive thoughts . What I did was see her anyways and just let the thoughts be there which I know it’s hard but I didn’t want to lose my girlfriend just cause of thoughts so I just let them be .little by little I started getting less anxiety around my girl and enjoying her more . Answer your what if I’ve been gay the whole time with “I probably have been gay the whole time who knows “ and the what if you were in denial with your boyfriend with “I am in denial with my boyfriend so what I still love him ima be with him “ pretty much you will feel weird and anxious around him it’s normal you know how could you not with all those thoughts . But the only way to get better is to embrace the thoughts and live your life who you normally would / identify as . If you liked your bf before SOCD/ ROCD chances are your mind is just playing games with you and have to treat the thoughts as what they are just thoughts that don’t define you. It won’t be from one day to the next you gotta practice and embrace the uncertainty all day answer your mind the opposite of what it expects . If it says you are gay tell it “I’m the gayest in the world “ even go as far as saying I don’t want dick I want vagina . Doesn’t mean you do it’s just how to rewire the brain .

@kirby7980 I get that so muchhh 😭😭😭 i remember my bestfriend telling me in front of my boyfriend, like yeah so many people are coming out to others about their sexuality. Old me would’ve been like “GOOD FOR THEM” but new me was like “oh so will i be one of these people 😚”. I wanted to come out to my boyfriend, then i was like ???? Yeah no come out as what, im not gay. And then the spiral continued, what if u actually are and ur entire relationship has been a lie. One thing i did for my relationship was tell my boyfriend what was happening with me. Honesty goes a long way. To enjoy your relationship, I would say that nothing is set in stone in your relationship. Whenever I spiral when I’m around him and become moody, I remember that before that intrusive thought we were okay, and if we werent it was because of my ROCD. One entire thing that has been constant in my relationship is him being there, and me being out of control. That helps me appreciate him even more and realize that the relationship isn’t just about me, i have a human being in front of me who loves me so much and who deserves to have someone give their all

@Anonymous Yeah I told my boyfriend everything too! He has been very helpful and supportive of me throughout this whole relapse even tho he doesn’t know he triggered it😭💀 I dont know why my brain picked right then to relapse. I just want to be with him how I used to. And not have constant anxiety about seeing him or everytime i see a pic of him my heart drops and that anxious feeling rushes over me. Because before all my ocd came back, I never once doubted I would marry this guy. I mean we were obsessed with eachother. And we still are, it’s just been hard with what I’m going through.

@Anonymous I think mine comes from being scared of losing my boyfriend.

@kirby7980 Is that triggered my childhood memories? Did you ever “feel” abandoned or rejected or just isolated from others ?

@Anonymous I used to fight very badly with my mom when we were younger. Like we would argue so bad. And my dad wasn’t really around a lot when I was younger because of his work. He was always out of the country.

@Ekylen butler Just stay true to your identity and any other thought that doesn’t fit your identity see it as bs

@Green bean88 I played college baseball also dealt with the thoughts WASNT easy . I could tell you erp doesn’t make you gay I’ve been doing it if anything it makes you realize how stupid the thought of being gay even was to you . Pretty much sexuality doesn’t change . So if you were straight before you are still straight even with Erp. Erp is hard because it’s pretty much you facing your biggest fear but you really gotta lean into it hesd on .When you get a thought agree with it / go further if you can .for example if your mind calls you gay say “I’m not just gay I’m the gayest in the world “ do that for any and every thought. Might be hard at first but trust me it’s worked for me and doesn’t make me feel gayer . You do it all day every day you will notice a big improvement in a week .

@Green bean88 Try writing your biggest fears in a journal / 1000 times a day if you have to to get better you really gotta go all in . A good concept I learned on YouTube “allow yourself to be gay “ look it up “one point Jesse - Allow yourself to be gay “ it’s the way to reverse everything

@Green bean88 Help I’ll send you examples I would need to know what your fears are to help better