My amazing dating relationship has hit it's first rocky patch and I'm triggered. I can't stop Googling to figure out how to fix it. I can't stop catastrophizing and thinking this is the beginning of the end. I'm not sure what to do and am starting to freak out!
Some random show the other day had someone say marriage is a choice you have to make everyday and another show said "how does thinking/doing this help my family" and I've been trying to refocus thoughts towards how do I make my choices focus on being good for my partner and choosing to do things that show I care/love her because I value being a good partner when my ROCD acts up. Does thinking about whether I am wrong and confessing every bad thing I've ever done make her happier/help her feel comfortable or does me acknowledging the thoughts/fears and choosing to do what I value instead despite the thoughts make more sense and then I can try to focus on whatever I'm doing as it aligns to those values. So if it's work I am doing it because when I'm able to get work done on time and help with bills, I can be more present to loved ones
I go through this too. It’s really upsetting. It’s all in my head but it scares me so bad.
Same here. Trying to avoid compulsions but very hard not to just ruminate and ruminate and analyze every text or every pattern of communication, try to see if I have lost this relationship
Sure. We had our first week of a few difficult conversations including our first argument. Now, I analyze everything text or everything she says... trying to figure out if she still really loves me. It's all about my fear of not being loved or valued.
I do the same analyze every text but I reminded myself that a text has no emotions no voice is just letters. Don't try to figure it if she still loves you . Just ask the hard questions. I be praying for your relationship as well.
@smilesforall Thank you so much
I do the exact same thing not even arguments just a little less enthusiasm around everything and I’m completely rocked, can’t stop analyzing and ruminating, or even going so far as to start thinking as if of course the relationship is over and how do I move on. Even though she hasn’t said anything to this point just maybe has been a bit shorter and less enthusiastic texting. Hard to know whether I’m crazy and maybe there is no answer
@mattobsesses Yes. Agreed. The relationship feels like it's just existing rather than thriving. I tell myself that times like this are normal but my brain catastrophizes it like "we're probably not going to make it" and I need to get prepared...when in reality, what I want to do is throw even more energy into the relationship...but that could be a compulsion too!
@freelancer Yep, I want to seek reassurance, show more love, do anything to keep the relationship only going UP UP UP. It’s hard to sit back and realize that an hour is just an hour, every hour feels like weeks sometimes when you are in your head about this type of thing. I know I have OCD obviously, but I can’t shake the worry that I am actually accurately diagnosing things and incorrectly writing it off as OCD.
@mattobsesses Then I get started on the path that even if things are okay now, they’re inevitably doomed BECAUSE of my ROCD. Vicious stuff I hate it
@mattobsesses I 100% get it. Right now, im sitting here worried about whether or not to reach out to my gf via text to see if we can get together this week. She has her kids this week and I try to be as hands off during those weeks as possible...I let her decide if she has time to get together...but I'm afraid we won't...and then does that mean that she's tired of me or fallen out of love with me?? No idea what to do or if it would be "normal" behavior for me to just reach out and say, "Hey... how's your schedule looking? Would love to see you this week if possible." Does that action make me clingy? Needy? Compulsive?? No clue and then I spiral.
That’s exactly why it does it. It’s awful. Obviously it’s addressed the same way, with ERP. But it’s very scary. I do know it isn’t based on anything real but it’s hard in the meantime. We are loved and love them and deserve to be happy.
@jackiag862 Thank you!!
Hi there may I ask what triggers you in this new relationship.
I don't know what to do. I've been fine alone until I met and fell in love with her. Now, my ROCD has gone completely off the rails. I care so much that I can't stand the thought of being without her.
I’ve never really dated before out of fear of being rejected or being emotionally abused. So this was the third date with the first guy I’ve dated in years. Last time he said he wanted to kiss me and that’s all that was on my mind. I was afraid of being bad or not liking it so we didn’t kiss and I felt terrible. I was telling myself that I should be thankful that someone is so patient with me and this is why I’m gonna die alone, because I’m so judgmental when it comes to dating….. and I couldn’t stop. I kept ruminating until I later on the couch, closed my eyes, and started giving myself grace. I had shut down for over 30 minutes. And now I’m scared of dating in general.
my people in relationships i have a question! i find a lot of like relationship “concepts” that we see online or just within our culture really trigger me. articles, posts, dialogue, friends pretty much anything saying things things like “outgrowing relationships” “you need to date around extensively to find the one” “you’re too young to be in love or settle down” “things my partner does” pretty much anything about advice or just other people’s situations triggers me at times and makes me question a lot!! i know this means i need more confidence in myself which im working on. i’m doing the work to separate my situation from these and i know it’s working because it feels uncomfortable, but i’m wondering if anyone young and in a relationship navigates this. i also feel like this triggering gets worse when im already anxious. recently my partner and i have been having constant spats bc im hesitant to communicate. i feel like im putting pressure on myself bc i really want this to work out to the point where i feel like idk what to do! it’s funny identifying the tricks ocd is playing on me bc i do recognize the irony here but any advice in coping or just experiences helps!!! mwah mwah happy women’s day!!!!
Hi I don’t know but I’ve being having so much stress in my relationship with my boyfriend and I feel like I’m upset at him with small things and taking it out on him like when he looks at other girls or when he repost things with girls it upsets me and changes my mood and people tell me to talk about it with him but I don’t know how to talk to him about it because I don’t necessarily know how I feel I feel mad and upset and I feel like crying but I also just can’t express how I feel and I don’t know what to even say to him to communicate how I feel I found this app by googling”how to feel more stable in my relationship” I feel like I’m not in a relationship sometimes and I just want everything to work out with him but I don’t know what to do I wanna feel like all those relationships you see and feel loved and want to have a future but I don’t know how to get there
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