Those with HOCD. Did your “what ifs” turn into disturbing images after time? The thoughts just seem to get more real and disturbing as time goes on. Almost as if being gay is what I want even though I know it’s not
Yea bro/ ocd is like a hamster running on a wheel the more you feed it the stronger everything gets . It all started the same for me with just the word gay popping in my head , then the what ifs , then the images and scenarios thoughts etc
@jzepedaa7 Mine started while eating a popsicle💀 and questioned why I ate a popsicle like that(how anyone does) and now 3 months later this is all I can think of
@jzepedaa7 Sounds crazy I know. But I guess that’s what OCD is. Never thought I had it but when I look back I notice I may always have just with less distressing themes
@bennettgray 😂😂😂😂😂 sorry to laugh bro we all in the same struggle , but shit I’m sure even straight people have ate popsicles in a weird way . You are just starting out so the good thing is you found help early cause it could’ve gotten worse and worse . For you when your mind tells you you are gay just agree with it say yea I’m gay I guess and you should be able to overcome it quickly if you do that all day
Yup, mine went exactly like that. The intrusive images make it even more distressing.
@blazed For real. the questions were bad enough. But the images make it so much worse. This is so crippling
@bennettgray Exactly! When the images popped up it felt like my world was ending 😭
@blazed Honestly! I just want this out of my head. I know it’s a lie because I feel if I were actually gay I would have known a long time ago. But the fact it just pops up out of nowhere is so distressing
@blazed Or atleast thought about it a long time ago lol
@bennettgray I totally feel you. I know I don’t want it but my mind is so hung up on the idea. It’s like someone else is controlling my brain 💀
@blazed Is this your only subtype? Or does OCD grab onto other things in your life too?
@bennettgray I’ve had all kinds of ocd that I didn’t even realize I had like POCD/ TRANS OCD / CONTAMINATION OCD / MAGICAL THINKING / Beat all of them HOCD has definitely been the hardest I would say
@bennettgray Unfortunately no, I have several other themes but for some reason it’s not nearly as severe as SO-OCD.
@jzepedaa7 Sorry you’ve had to deal with all that. Have you had any therapy?
@blazed Damn I’m sorry! I got a little break from the HOCD when I was dealing with ROCD with my gf but as soon as I got over that the hocd came back
@bennettgray It’s okay! And that sounds even harder to deal with it while you’re in a relationship, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. Have you tried ERP?
@blazed I am on the waiting list to get one here through NOCD. Been on it since the 8th and hoping it’s not to much longer. How about you?
@bennettgray Yayy that’s great, I hope all goes well! And I just started seeing a new therapist recently, but it’s not with NOCD.
@blazed That’s good! Hope it all works out and you can get back to your normal life!
@blazed And thanks for the conversation! Always nice talking to someone who is going through the something similar!
@bennettgray Aw tysm 😭 and you’re very welcome! A lot of us know how you feel, so you’re not alone in this. We’re all fighting together!
Why are you guys describing my life right now 🙃
@Anonymous Lol sorry bro! Hope it helps to know you ain’t alone. It sure does for me
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
I don’t know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i haven’t got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they don’t bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and that’s what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
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