Those with HOCD. Did your “what ifs” turn into disturbing images after time? The thoughts just seem to get more real and disturbing as time goes on. Almost as if being gay is what I want even though I know it’s not
Yea bro/ ocd is like a hamster running on a wheel the more you feed it the stronger everything gets . It all started the same for me with just the word gay popping in my head , then the what ifs , then the images and scenarios thoughts etc
@jzepedaa7 Mine started while eating a popsicle💀 and questioned why I ate a popsicle like that(how anyone does) and now 3 months later this is all I can think of
@jzepedaa7 Sounds crazy I know. But I guess that’s what OCD is. Never thought I had it but when I look back I notice I may always have just with less distressing themes
@bennettgray 😂😂😂😂😂 sorry to laugh bro we all in the same struggle , but shit I’m sure even straight people have ate popsicles in a weird way . You are just starting out so the good thing is you found help early cause it could’ve gotten worse and worse . For you when your mind tells you you are gay just agree with it say yea I’m gay I guess and you should be able to overcome it quickly if you do that all day
Yup, mine went exactly like that. The intrusive images make it even more distressing.
@blazed For real. the questions were bad enough. But the images make it so much worse. This is so crippling
@bennettgray Exactly! When the images popped up it felt like my world was ending 😭
@blazed Honestly! I just want this out of my head. I know it’s a lie because I feel if I were actually gay I would have known a long time ago. But the fact it just pops up out of nowhere is so distressing
@blazed Or atleast thought about it a long time ago lol
@bennettgray I totally feel you. I know I don’t want it but my mind is so hung up on the idea. It’s like someone else is controlling my brain 💀
@blazed Is this your only subtype? Or does OCD grab onto other things in your life too?
@bennettgray I’ve had all kinds of ocd that I didn’t even realize I had like POCD/ TRANS OCD / CONTAMINATION OCD / MAGICAL THINKING / Beat all of them HOCD has definitely been the hardest I would say
@bennettgray Unfortunately no, I have several other themes but for some reason it’s not nearly as severe as SO-OCD.
@jzepedaa7 Sorry you’ve had to deal with all that. Have you had any therapy?
@blazed Damn I’m sorry! I got a little break from the HOCD when I was dealing with ROCD with my gf but as soon as I got over that the hocd came back
@bennettgray It’s okay! And that sounds even harder to deal with it while you’re in a relationship, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. Have you tried ERP?
@blazed I am on the waiting list to get one here through NOCD. Been on it since the 8th and hoping it’s not to much longer. How about you?
@bennettgray Yayy that’s great, I hope all goes well! And I just started seeing a new therapist recently, but it’s not with NOCD.
@blazed That’s good! Hope it all works out and you can get back to your normal life!
@blazed And thanks for the conversation! Always nice talking to someone who is going through the something similar!
@bennettgray Aw tysm 😭 and you’re very welcome! A lot of us know how you feel, so you’re not alone in this. We’re all fighting together!
Why are you guys describing my life right now 🙃
@Anonymous Lol sorry bro! Hope it helps to know you ain’t alone. It sure does for me
I don’t know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i haven’t got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they don’t bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and that’s what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
This shit has to be one of the most confusing subtypes of ocd because no matter what you will never find clarity. When it started it wasn’t as bad and confusing because it was mostly anxiety. But when it started getting physical that’s when it got extremely confusing because I feel tension and fear when thinking of gay stuff but while testing I get arousal sensations so the big question is “if I am afraid of it how can my body respond as if I’m into it and if I’m into it how does my body respond with fear as if I’m not” and it’s endless. I wish I never started testing my arousal so I never started getting groinals to gay stuff in the first place. But there’s no going back now.
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