It has become so bad Im even scared to think about girls now, cause if i dont get that good feeling. I just feel so empty. I have forgotten how it is to live. I have had this for years, it goes up and down. I just dont need to feel extremly good, I just want a sate of normal, silence in my head. I have becomed obessed with genitals and compare vaginas and penises constantly in my head. I know That i never want to be in That intimate moment with a man, it just feels so wrong for me. When i have been in That moment with girls in the past it has been so nice, but I cant reach That me, the ”real” me.

I’ve become afraid of being intimate with my gf due to HOCD, or any obsession. I feel like she’s no longer important and that hurts me. She’s so beautiful inside and out

I do the same thing my hocd is trying to trick me that I've never really liked vaginas and that I think they're gross meanwhile I've been with around 30 girls .. it's making me very depressed. And it's hard to have sex because I'll get images of men or penises in my head. It's so hard to talk to people about this because they can't possibly understand

Sex with a girl has become so scary now cause That is usually all i can think about. I just want to be able to have normal sex with girls again without the doubt...

Yeah I dated a girl for 3 years had sex every day and it was great now my mind is just saying I was faking it. She was drop dead gorgeous. Does your hocd tell u that you r like afraid of vaginas now because mine does lol .. and how old r u

But ofc everything Hocd tells you feels so real...

Drinking is the only thing that quiets the gay thoughts when I'm drunk I only want to be with girls. I've said the same thing too Id rather just be gay but I know I'm not. It's torture. It really is.

You sound just like me it’s almost creepy. Yes it feels like the ”real” me is nowhere to be found.I feel like an empty shell. And yes i have depression cause of this

I can totally relate. This is what I go through everyday. And sometimes it feels so real. I’ve never actually been with a guy so that makes it 10x worse. I always compare them both in my head, and since I’ve never actually been with a guy, it tells me I’ll prefer vaginas. Which is not the case. It’s horrible

Ye i have been there to man, i get anxious before im about to have sex, all i think about is dont lose your boner dont lose your boner

Damn man your story is just like mine. I have been with 5 girls and was in a seriosly relationship for 3 years and we had sex pretty much every day, and I remember i thought she was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen. Now im just fked up and get so anxious to be with girls I rather just be alone.

That's basically how I am now I just got out of a relationship again and my hocd spiked big time and saying the same thing again that I don't like vaginas I was faking.

Yeah you sound just like me. My Hocd tells me I dont like vaginas as yours. And i cant let That thought go. Every girl I see and think is pretty, my mind instantly tells me That, ”You gonna fk it up cause you dont like vaginas and you arent gonna get an erection. I know deep down That this is bullshit and I should just be like, it’s just a thought, and not pay any attention. Im 24

That's crazy I'm 24 too and that's the exact same thing i feel do u struggle with drinking at all because of the thoughts. My hocd tells me that id be happier if i just came out. Do u get groinal responses at all ?

I dont rly struggle with drinking, cause i dont like to go out partying That much. Yes I do have groinal and alot of compulsions I do. Same mine tells me That too, tbf I would rather come out just to stop the fking agony, but I know deep down its not me. I rather be alone for my entire lite...

@sapobil how old were u when the HOCD started

I have had ocd thoughts my entire life pretty much. When I was 4 I broke down because i was afraid of death, this happend many times every day. Then i was afraid of touching things and asked my mother if i would die if i touched that. Then i was afraid of my parterna divorcing and asked my mother every day many times if she was gonna dicorve my dad. Then the worst started Hocd. It started when i found out what a gay person is. I thought it was so strange That a Guy could like a Guy. I didnt think bad about homosexualls, just im glad im not That. Then boom the thought started what if you are? The thought was so strange and scary, and i would use everything in my power to make it stop. I started crying for hours and since then it has been on and off. I was like 12 maybe. Before That i had no doubts and had kissed alot of girls in preschool and stuff you know. The thought of not rly wanting the stuff i took for granted for so long, was so scary, my mind wouldnt stop untill i could prove i was 100 % straight...

The drinking you describe is the same for me

It started for me when I couldn't get an erection in college and the thought what if your gay popped into my head. This was when I was 19.then I felt a loss of attraction to women was constantly checking who I felt aroused for men and women and checking through porn. Then there was the thoughts that men were doing sexual or that I was doing it to them with graphic images I couldn't get out of my head. I basically had every thought imaginable related to this. I've experienced depersonalization too. Do u suffer from depression too ?

It's crazy that we're the same age too.

I relate to you guys very much. I’m in a long term relationship with my beautiful gf, we’ve been together for 3 years, and since January, I’ve had these images and thoughts constantly take me over and it wants me to this an that