Fuck I wish someone understood my situation

@Someonepleasehelp Feel the same way man. But what we’re both doing is checking which is a compulsion. I am not a psychologist but I don’t think people who are homosexual actively check to see if they’re attracted to women, they just know they’re not. And if not having the attraction that was once there bothers you as much as it bothers me then that must mean that we liked it and long for it .Which again, isn’t how people think when they are gay yk?

@BryceV518 Yeah I getchu but it’s bothering me so much that my head is making seem like I was attracted and it’s been my main thing with hocd for 2 months or so already. It’s also like I forgot what being attracted to women is like

@BryceV518 Im just bothered how much it preys on my memory

@Someonepleasehelp Have you ever heard someone of the same sex say something like “ he’s a good looking dude “ , I have and it’s completely normal to acknowledge someone as attractive . It means you just have a working pair of eyes. Attraction is more then just the physical aspect you know? However ruminating and obsessing over false memories and checking attraction constantly will eventually make you believe your ocd . People without it , see someone attractive and think nothing of it . We however see someone attractive and it sends us down a rabbit hole of anxiety. Trust me I struggle with the same theme and have been for the past year and a half .

@BryceV518 Yeah I understand but how can I stop ruminating when I feel like it proved something even though I very slightly remember it, I’m also convinced it’s most likely ocd cause before ocd I was girl crazy and always wanted to be with girls to build a relationship with them. Plus it doesn’t make sense for me to be “attracted” to guys and it bothering me so much, shouldn’t it be giving me comfort instead of causing me agony ? I’ve known I was straight for the longest and when I get reassured I’m straight must mean something no?

@BryceV518 I always check my attraction and it feels like it’s forced and I might suspect I have Rocd which is just making things worse in my book

@BryceV518 Also how can I stop checking when it has become so automatic for me to check if I’m attracted to a girl I KNOW I was attracted to. I always try and sit with it but it just makes me feel like I lost complete touch of who I was

@Someonepleasehelp Yea I get you . I’m the exact same way, hopefully ERP is the solution you know? My therapist said your supposed to let the thought come without checking and sit with the anxiety. I know it is hard because I automatically do it too but I check to see if I am attracted to every guy I see . If you are trying to reassure yourself that your straight then that is your preference. You want to be with women , gay men don’t . You know?

@BryceV518 Yeah I call myself straight to try and reassure myself but the thing is it feels like I’m lying to myself until I get that reassurance and it feels right again I want it to feel right in the long term not short term. My ultimate fear is just the fear of attraction and I’m scared I realized I’m bi and just don’t want to accept it

@BryceV518 I was going to a phycologist which said I have severe ocd but never ended up going back cause I didn’t get appointed to it anymore

@Someonepleasehelp You are what you want to be remember that. Nobody can tell you what you are and you do not have to be anything that you don’t want to be just because of labels. You know you want to be with girls right? That’s your preference and that’s what you want. Anything else is anxiety trying to reinforce doubt

@BryceV518 Yeah I’m trying day by day it comes in waves which is just the worst cause you can have a good day then the next is complete shit. But hopefully we get through this and can happily live the way we have known ourselves