- Username
- Brave through
- Date posted
- 541d ago
- Sexual Orientation OCD
Hocd thoughts feel too real.Is this normal? Scared
Just thinking like these thoughts normal and not doing anything about it?!? What do i take of that? Feels too real with no fear and like thats my normal and i am not caring if i write or post about it someone looking and i am writing like someone would write about their crush?!? Why?!? It feels like i am becoming it or will if not now? Why is the feeling so strong of its ocd? Why do i keep looking and thinking and forcing myself to write and stuff wanting it to be ocd but on reality its not?? And will i be scared? I also keep thinking of the reasons why i might be scared like society or parents and if suddenly one day i am not then what? Like i accept it? All this while it was true and i know all these questions i still write and ask what does that mean i am forcing and I consciously add the whats and the ifs to do it like a question so that people tell me its ocd and not denial whereas i could write it like a statement could i? And then it just wouldn’t be ocd?!? So many people come out late or realise late what is this is that and i am not scared to write it or i am thinking of the possibility and okay with it and if i am that means it could mean its not ocd and denial and its just the time where i have begun to notice people and scared and in denial and soon it will become crazy and i will have no other option but to accept it?what is this i don’t understand?!? What do i do? Always trying to figure out my thoughts my dreams the whys and whats and sometimes my dreams tell me you are just making excuses and are in denial cause they feel so real the thoughts and idk whatever feeling they carry they do too.. constantly thinking not noticing the opposite sex but noticing the same ones my dreams telling me that my fear and other things is the reason of not accepting and dreams are the unconscious truth? So is that what i feel only covering with fear whereas its projected in my dreams?!? And is trying to tell me something?when i am with a guy i feel everything i should or i think i should but then why am I noticing the same sex and feeling like i might or am feeling and if i am saying i am who’s to say i am not?!! What do i do? I felt like i am at the verge of acceptance when i saw this video of this girl on insta and got these thoughts that didn’t even feel intrusive actually none of the thoughts feel intrusive and i got sacred and out of habit did the forced compulsion of closing the tab and coming here and writing but am i doing that i cause i dont want to accept it? I really feel like these thoughts are feeling way to real to shove away? Is this even ocd anymore this recent thought felt too real?!? What do i do? It felt like my reality and normal and if i didn’t know something like ocd existed would i have accepted it?!? I think i might and if i am saying i might there is a possibility right?!? Am i even straight anymore? Was i ever?