Need some help of Harm OCD(14M)

DISCLAIMER: Please DON'T tell me to call NOCD, My phone is missing so I cannot call, I don't have insurance, and My parents do not believe me about my OCD trust me I tried, So here we go. I have Harm OCD, I'm scared that I'm going to end up stabbing someone like my parents or my pet cat, Poni, this started a few weeks when someone threatened to tell my parents I'm an atheist and suddenly intrusive thoughts about stabbing him, Sure I was mad but this is too far, whenever I see I knife I throw it into my sink and whenever I have a thought I'd put my hands in the air and all fingers will be separated from each other and now I've been thinking "What's the point of this" I mean OCD, I'm not suicidal like what is the point of it and why do I even have it and when will it end, I'm not sure how to get help, I cannot talk to school councilor cause obviously they're gonna tell my parents and I don't need any more trouble from school councilors not understanding OCD, right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, for some reason just subconsciously I'd have these thoughts of what if they're true and it plays like a movie in my head, It scares me and I also have this compulsion where I'd test myself by picking up a knife from the kitchen and putting it somewhere else to prove I'm not going to hurt them, if someone is with me, I'll do the compulsion to prove I'm not gonna stab them proving that I'm not crazy but the compulsion does more harm than good as it scares me too much, I've tried to tell people but I worry if people think I'm dangerous, What can I do, I have no options but I'm not giving up

Harm OCD

Anonymous

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 2y

May I suggest a video from Dr Patrick McGrath "OCD Am I my thoughts?". He states in the video that people who have concerns of harm are the least likely to actually harm. It may require someone familiar with ERP to help with this situation because it is possible that you need an outside perspective on how to do the exposure effectively. Could you ask the counselor if they are familiar with OCD ? Keep up the hard work. Hopefully that was helpful.

lotus5

Date posted: 2y

I've had really similar thoughts my friend. I used to be really scared of washing the knife when doing the dishes, especially when someone else was around. I'd have to wait for them to leave the room for me to clean that knife, because I'd think Harm OCD thoughts. The thoughts still come but so far I don't go that deep into them, I mostly brush them aside or just keep them as surface level thoughts, never allowing them to get any deeper than that. Meditation also helps, just sitting and closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing or even taking a walk outside helps to clear my thoughts. But there's still days that are really rough for me. I think I'm going to call a NOCD therapist myself, this has gone on for far too long for me. If you talk to a councilor and they notify your parents, they might take you more seriously. Tell the councilor that you have these disturbing thoughts that you don't agree with, that deeply bother you, and you want therapy to treat it. Also you might have to play this one by ear and see how the conversation with the councilor goes, but maayybee tell them that you've told your parents and they haven't taken you seriously. That may help to motivate your parents to get help for you. You don't even have to tell a councilor, maybe a teacher you really trust or another family member. An adult who you think can really help you. I held onto my problems for years before opening up out of fear I wouldn't be understood, and after telling my close ones, they don't see me as a monster fortunately, but there are still things that I feel more comfortable talking only to a therapist about. I hope something I said helped. Best of wishes to you buddy.

lotus5

Date posted: 2y

Also here's one type of meditation that helps with my Harm OCD thoughts: loving kindness meditation. Think really positive and caring thoughts for someone, even if it feels weird or too much. It will probably feel like you're forcing these thoughts in the beginning, but after some time they will come to you more naturally. It really helped me to dismiss a lot of the Harm OCD stuff and lean into that less. I still have rough moments, but that's why I keep practicing it.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

Without therapy for months . Please help. Please

I had to cancel my therapy because it was no longer available with my insurance. And I just kind of feel hopeless with OCD. Even when I was doing therapy, I think my OCD started getting too complicated for my therapist and she didn’t even know what to do. My fears are so complex it’s crazy. So my big fear is my OCD being bad and being super depressed again like I was a few months ago in high school. I attended a public highschool for a semester and started the worst flare up I’ve ever had. I was harshly bullied for no reason whatsoever, and not accepted by anyone. I am an athletic kid who usually keeps to himself so I didn’t understand why people targeted me, especially when I wanted nothing to do with them. From August to now ( March) I CANNOT grasp hold of my OCD. I am very hard on myself about it. Going into dangers anytime I see one so I can expose myself. But constantly obsessing about if I’m doing enough for my OCD. And comparing myself to how I use to be, before the flare ups. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I’m obsessing about my OCD and if it’s bad and comparing. Another HUGE fear of mine is being treated differently because I have OCD. So being bullied for so long I always assumed it was because I was shy and didn’t want to stand up for myself - due to my OCD- so I blamed myself for everything that continued to happen, . from people bullying me in the past . The people at that highschool were downright crazy. Even the teachers and coaches had major issues and I’m so glad to be out of there, but I still obsess the same everyday and hold so much resentment for that school and when I try to let it go, I just feel more passive pain and obsess even more about it weather my ocd is okay or not. I feel mentally sick. Please someone give me some advice for my fears, because I feel like I’m doing everything in my power to expose myself to everything but nothings working.

laladracu

Date posted: 18w

Harm ocd

I am so scared that my *undiagnosed* OCD is going to make me harm someone close to me in my family. I’m afraid of knives, I’m afraid of things that COULD be a weapon like pens, forks or anything like that. My sister is my BFF and my thoughts have latched onto her. I’m so afraid!! I don’t know how to make them stop. How do I stop and will it eventually subside? How do I work on compulsions? I’m on Zoloft 50mg as well for 3.5 weeks and a lot of my other worries have subsided except this one. I feel like a crazy person :( Also does this sound like OCD?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Need some help of Harm OCD(14M)

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community