My parents want me to go inpatient again for my ocd binge drinking and depression but I know they won't understand ocd especially not HOCD. And its so hard to talk about sexual intrusive thoughts. I feel like I'm at the end of the road here with no where to turn. I feel hopeless.

Just wanted to vent a little bit. My OCD has come back terribly in the past few days. I feel like whenever I start talking to a girl I like, my HOCD and ROCD ramps up. I’m getting to the point where I don’t even want to talk to anyone, female or male. I don’t know what to do. Nobody around me even understands what I’m going through or treats it like it’s not a big deal. I have a young daughter and I feel like I can’t take care of her. I can’t hold a job, a relationship, friendship or anything else of value. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m slowly starting to lose my drive to live and I don’t know what to do. Any advice ?

My parents threaten to kick me out all the time because of my severe OCD. Each time they do I come back worse with new compulsions. They say I'm crazy for my OCD thoughts which is like, duh, does not make them feel any less real. Sigh. So tired of this life. My dad said he wished I was never born (just now), that I'm killing them physically with my panic attacks (I can't help it) and he said I'm the reason they smoke. I feel guilty and just want to die at this point. He also said he'd hit me if I'd not stop crying. They almost seem to think I like doing my washing compulsions and I can't stand it anymore. I feel alone in the world, even when so many of you struggle too, the fact that my once loving family is falling apart and that I feel so lonely in their company... it is tearing me down. OCD on its own is enough. This is too much.

Hi All - This is my first time posting on this app. I am 29 and have been dealing with OCD since I was 10. I managed my OCD well from ages 10-18 due to many reasons (I’ll keep this short). At 18, when my OCD was in one of its worst forms, I went to a residential program to get better. However, I only got a small percent better. I carried on with my severe and extremely debilitating OCD. Somehow, I graduated college with honors, maintained a social life, and had a great relationship with my girlfriend. Not long though, from the ages of 18-25, my OCD got worse and worse over time. I was never fully committed to ERP therapy (only in residential and with two or three of the countless therapists I saw over my life). It was then at age 26, my therapist, parents, and girlfriend demanded I need to take time off my master’s program and go into a virtual intensive outpatient program. My relationship of 5 years was on the line. Unfortunately, I did not try hard enough and the IOP only helped so much, due to my inconsistent work. My girlfriend at the time left me, causing a huge scar that I am not over. This was two years ago in 2022… Fast forward after that, I have done more intense therapy and my second trial of a residential program in March of this year. I felt I also did make gains, but right when I came out in May, the compulsions came right back. I feel hopeless and helpless in my life. My parents don’t know what to do with me. All my friends and acquaintances are moving on with their life while I’m 29, have no job, am just getting back to grad school with extreme difficulty, have small hobbies/activity/stimulation due to OCD avoidance, and lastly, crippling OCD. I don’t know who I am anymore and don’t know why I haven’t had the strength to pull myself out of this 11 year OCD prison. It’s eating at me alive and I know people have said they felt similarly to hopeless and helplessness, but I don’t…unfortunately.