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Username: Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

Hocd. Please help

I’m really sad because I am having thoughts about women and strong feelings physical. It’s not just groinal responses it’s super strong over all feeling I’m having a hard time fighting. I’m about to start my period which 1. Can increase anxiety 2.increases sexual arousal beforehand 3. Hormone fluctuation So my question is, am I having this strong response because I’m anxious? because Im horny and truly attracted to women? When I took my anti depressants I felt a relief from the arousal and was so happy, cuz I was like cool it must be anxiety then. But then I remembered how anxiety medication is said to decrease sexual arousal and I was like shoot well it probs was true sexual arousal. Whatever it is I hate it because I am feeling very aroused but I just wanna be with a man. And when I’m feeling the arousal I feel uncomfortable and shameful and just like sexually confused. It is horrible. I don’t understand what’s going on but I hate my body for responding this way and I am feeling uncomfortable in my body. I have never had that strong of a sexual response to a man, more like romantic feelings. But if I wanna be with a man as my companion why would my freaking body not get on board! Why does it have to respond the ways I don’t want!!! I’m angry. I need advice or if anyone has experienced something like this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

I feel exactly the same! I’ve had it in the past but had no idea it could be ocd it was just something I tried to bury. But recently we got engaged (we’ve been together 6 years and have a baby which was the best thing ever) but since we got engaged my brain keeps bringing up the thoughts that I’m not happy and not attracted to my partner anymore and that if he way happier with someone else like a woman because I get a really strong groinal. My brain keeps telling me because my feelings are more romantic towards my partner then sexual it’s making me really scared that I’m actually a lesbian in denial …I started therapy last week but we haven’t officially started erp yet

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@jag92 I’m sorry you are going through this too! That’s so hard. I’m glad you were able to get engaged and have a baby! I’m worried I’m never gonna be able to marry a man because just like u said my feelings towards men are always romantic which would then cause the sexual attraction but I feel like the womens body unfortunately causes arousal.

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@polishgirl I will ask more on my next appointment but sexuality doesn’t have to be black or white. Like it’s on a continuum. So like if we’ve experienced some attraction to women before it doesn’t mean we’re automatically deemed a lesbian and have to act on that. But I still get so anxious like what if I’m not attracted to men “enough” to get to marry one forever. And I feel uncomfortable with myself when I have attraction feelings for women because that’s not what I want in life. It’s so so frustrating and truly upsetting because it feels like a confliction inside myself.

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous_1 I feel the same!!!!

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

@jag92 Even though I have my fiancé it makes me scared cause all up to the point we got engaged I was fine and now I just feel like I’m going to hurt him or that I’m hiding a part of myself but I think that’s just the ocd because I was so happy before?

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@jag92 I’m sorry your going through this. You mean like had u had some attraction feeling to women before, never wanted to be with one and so you brushed it off and found a man like you dreamed of and now it’s all suddenly hitting you abt the past? If that’s the case I relate

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous_1 Yeah! I’ve been on sertriline for 5 weeks and started some ERP and I feel sooo much better! I haven’t been giving into compulsions and I’ve been using the statements like oh maybe maybe not and ok ocd come with me to the shop or whatever and feel loads better like the thoughts don’t come as regularly …,I don’t know it’s it’s the sertriline I hope it’s the therapy too cause I’ll like to come off the meds next year

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@jag92 I’m glad to hear your doing better!!

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous_1 Thankyou! How are you doing?

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@jag92 I’m up and down about it! Some days I’m like ok yeah im into guys and other days the attraction feeling for women comes on strong and I get super depressed. Anytime I am perusing a guy or something my brain always says oh your just doing this to act straight and your just talking abt guys u like to pretend etc. hbu?

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous_1 Having a few bad days again :/ I had 4/5 days where I felt great and I even said to my therapist I’ll book one every other week instead of weekly but now I’m back to the awful feelings and depression ….I think the sertriline is taking the edge off a bit but maybe I haven’t done enough ERP …I did a couple in session and then a few on my own but I think a couple I did on my own were unintentionally reassuring if you get me cause there was bit where I was like oh I don’t do that that the lesbian does etc…..and I had few “ good times” with my partner and I felt so much better but now we haven’t had sex for a week and I feel rubbish again and anxious about it all ….he tried to snog me while I was making the dinner and I’ve had a long day at work and been overthinking again and I just snapped at him ☹️

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@jag92 Aww I’m so sorry you are going through this!! :( I’m here for you anytime you want to reach out to me.

Username: danielwarwickdanielwarwick

Date posted: 2y ago

Hey! I’m a man and that happened to me too, I was really confused. Just like you said, it felt stronger than normal arousal. I’ve been dealing with it in therapy, I realize that my brain is obsessed with this idea that I’m gay, it puts all of its attention on it, and besides, it wants to alert me so I can protect myself from the threat. That’s why OCD feels so real and intense, your brain functions in a way that it’s “better safe than sorry”, so it will make you feel these feelings and make them feel really real and strong in order to make you protect yourself. You know what I mean? I couldn’t even see guys shirtless a few months ago, and now sometimes I don’t even care, because my brain realizes it’s not a threat anymore. I know it’s hard, but people really say that their arousals feel much stronger than normal arousal when they have intrusive thoughts. It’s really fucked up. But it’s a symptom of your brain trying to protect you, I know it’s crazy and really uncomfortable. But usually it tends to decrease its intensity with time, at least it happens to me. I’m still struggling with some stuff too, but overall the groinals are not as intense as before. Hope ot works. Best of wishes!

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@danielwarwick Hey thank you so much for sharing! This is helpful to hear. I’m sorry your dealing with ocd too it sucks. :(

Username: danielwarwickdanielwarwick

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous_1 Hey! How you been doing? 😄

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

@danielwarwick How’s it going @danielwarwick?

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 1y ago

@danielwarwick Hey you are so kind to check in! I’m sorry I didn’t see your message till now. I am bad with checking this app. I’m actually having a an hocd relapse cuz I just saw my ex and I didn’t feel attracted much. I don’t feel a strong deep emotional connection with him and usually it’s the emotional connection that makes me aroused to men but now I am wondering what the heck is wrong with me that I don’t feel attraction without that? Especially because my ex is a buff very attractive man that I feel like a straight woman would feel attraction to regardless of emotional connection. And I’ve even heard of woman feeling attracted to men they dont “like” ugh what’s wrong with me. I just want to be normal. How have you been doin?

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 1y ago

@polishgirl I’m scared because I can feel physical attraction to a woman even tho I don’t want to be with one. I really want to be with a man but it takes emotional connection for the sexual attraction to happen to a man. :(

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous_1 Same

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

I should add this isn’t the first time I have experienced these strong feelings with the shame and confusion. It almost happens monthly.

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

It’s so hard isn’t it 😭😭😭I just had a panic attack I was reading stories about lesbians coming out and some of the things made sense so I starting crying and wanted to be sick!

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@jag92 I’m so sorry 🥺. How is your experience being with a man and having a family with him despite dealing with this ocd? I’m saving myself for marriage so it would be nice to hear from someone who’s fully been with a man but deals with the same doubts I do.

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@jag92 The other hard part for me is since I haven’t had sex with a man yet I won’t truly know how attracted I am or if I am enough or if I will even enjoy sex with a man😳

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous_1 I do enjoy sex with him…we had quite a lot of sex at he beginning but now I’ve had a baby I’m not as much into it I think that’s just what happens well to me anyway which is why this has all come up again I think :/ I still enjoy sex when we have it and I do orgasm but I’m never one to initiate it ….I always want to hug and touch him etc but I’m never have a massive urge :/ and now I’m worried that I would have an urge if it was a woman but I don’t want that….maybe I just feel that cause it would be something new I don’t know

Username: jag92jag92

Date posted: 2y ago

It kind of make sense what you’re saying though….I’ve never had the arousal towards men without the romantic …maybe that is normal?

Username: Anonymous_1Anonymous_1

Date posted: 2y ago

@jag92 Same here!! I’ve heard that’s common with women. I think with women once the emotional component is there then the arousal aspect happens.

Username: Tolly537

Date posted: 5y ago

Ok I have a question for y’all. After you have a good moment with a guy, like when you think about him and want to be with him and it feels good, does anyone get the intrusive thought “what if I’m romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women?” Because that just came up for me and it is not fun and very worrying. Because I have been aroused by lesbian porn (I did this before my HOCD intrusive thoughts started) and now I’m worried because I was aroused by that I can only be sexually attracted to women ?

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

Hi All, I (22F) have been suffering from HOCD for the past three months. I am engaged to the man I want to be with. However, I can't kick OCD. I was recently aroused when looking at a model in lingerie. The lingerie was objectively sexy and I briefly thought about how she was posing for a man with her breasts out. Likewise, I thought about how sexy it would be if I wore that. But, now I'm terrified. If I can get these responses from the female body-not the male body-that must surely mean something. Likewise, I have trouble orgasming during sex and I don't always love making out. But, I really don't think I'm a lesbian? Long story short, I need help getting over this. I'm in college and I can barely study. All I do is worry. I can't even enjoy my engagement at this rate because I'm convinced I'm in denial. This sexual arousal gives me incredible amounts of anxiety, especially considering I have been turned on by stuff like this in the past. If anyone has any helpful words, please let me know. I am not seeking reassurance, but I felt this backstory was necessary to explain why this fear has been so potent. There may be some real attraction here, which terrifies me. I don't know what to do. I want to enjoy life and improve sex with my fiance but I'm feeling hopeless. If anyone has any words of advice, it would be deeply appreciated.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: hlm2

Date posted: 2y ago

Hocd

So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?

Sexual Orientation OCD

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