Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

Desperate

I went to a club with my friends, i was anxious because I'm not going out at all since hocd started and I knew there were also lesbians in this club. I felt no attraction to guys at all, even when they were really hot, but I noticed girls a lot and I don't know if I liked them or not I'm so confused. Also a guy tried to flirt with me but I was really uncomfortable, while when a really beautiful girl talked to me I felt an "happy feeling", I felt this way in the past too but I thought it was because I admired their beauty but now I really don't know. I just want to like guys again.

Sexual Orientation OCD

gracek2218

Date posted: 2y

I feel the same way. Trying to accept it, but I’m trying to rekindle my relationship with my ex boyfriend and it makes it so hard.

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

@gracek2218 i got only one problem and that is sex with her

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing, it's just horrible.

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

@gracek2218 did you break up with him because of hocd

gracek2218

Date posted: 2y

Yes and relationship OCD. He proposed and I sunk into deep depression and anxiety. I never had experienced that kind of anxiety before. Felt like I couldn’t be in the same room as him.

Kallie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

It could just be ocd, or maybe you are bi. If you've liked guys once you can like them again, don't stress

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

yes I liked them a lot, but now I feel uncomfortable around them? maybe because I think too much I don't know

gracek2218

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 For me I think there’s a lot of truth to my intrusive thoughts BUT I also feel like ive trained my brain to look at women this way from the OCD. When my OCD wasn’t an issue I would never just stare at men’s private parts first thing or think about them sexually first thing. I attest that to my brain just cutting straight to feeding the SOCD.

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

@gracek2218 Yeah I understand what you mean, I started to look at women this way when hocd started, because I always tested myself so I started to sexualize them(?), I trained my brain too, or at least I feel this way.

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 But I used to think about men sexually a lot, but I didn't focus on body parts (just arms, I really loved their arms), now I just feel nothing

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

accept it and go through it

gracek2218

Date posted: 2y

Just wish I could love my partner the same way I did moments before he asked me to marry him 😔

Kallie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

You can and you will. Marriage is a big thing, spikes alot of anxiety and ocd. It'll take time but you will. It's going to be OK 👍

gracek2218

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Thank you. You’re very kind.

gracek2218

Date posted: 2y

For me I don’t remember actually testing myself looking at women, but I guess I was. I’ve had this issue for so long it’s hard to remember. I’ve actually had 2 sexual experiences with women but they were both really good friends and not romantic in anyway. One was about being a young teenager and just hormonal, the other time we were just drunk and she asked if I wanted to kiss and it escalated. But I do remember wanting to do it again. It was for a boy because I told him about it to get his attention and he said I should do it again because it would be hot lol, but I definitely wanted it again too. But this is what makes it hard for me to distinguish SOCD and just confusion around sexuality. I guess both are interchangeable. But I’m annoyed this is a part of my life because it would just be so much easier to just trust in being straight so I can be with my ex. We have so much love for each other and I want that life with him. But this just gets so much in the way.

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

But if you ever had sexual feelings for your ex it means you liked it, so even if you are bisexual or it was just experimentation or maybe just something new and exciting because taboo idk, it doesn't matter because if you had sexual feelings for you ex they were real so you really liked him.

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 I kissed my friends too, just for fun and it was something transgressive you know, so I liked the transgression but I didn't want to kiss them again and I didn't feel anything sexual at all, so maybe you liked just doing it for fun

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 you have ocd?

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 but anyway it doesn't matter, what it matters is what you feel for your ex or what you felt before hocd.

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

@mrgg11 yeah why

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 socd?

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 you have instagram to i ask you some qyestions

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

@mrgg11 i do have IG but i don't want to share my identity, sorry, ask me whatever you want here I'll reply don't worry I have so ocd yes, I wrote the post

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 when i see genitalia of my woman my ….. is going down

Minyog6

Date posted: 2y

@mrgg11 it could be because you think too much, ocd decrease libido so it's normal

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 yes but i feel like i was never attracted to v…… thats why the hocd started but im better now so much better i got feelings and everything back for her

mrgg11

Date posted: 2y

@Minyog6 any help?

Anonymous123

Date posted: 23w

I'm so convinced it's just denial

I feel sick to my stomach, a few days ago I knew I was straight and could picture my life with my bf again. The anxiety has really lessend and Im more depressed now. I'm 100% convinced I am lesbian even tho I have never had sexual attraction to women, found them pretty but never wanted to be with them. My mind is only picturing me being with women now and it feels like a pit in my stomach. I don't feel emotion now, I'm also on my period. I don't want to be lesbian. I want to be with my boyfriend and have the life I pictured with him. My memory is so dissorted right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with being lesbian, it's just not for me and now that makes me feel like I'm homophobic.

geodrimilis

Date posted: 19w

Hocd is literally a clown in my head.

Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

youllwintheb...

Date posted: 8w

im confused

I don't know for sure if I have HOCD, but it seems like I do, I tried to accept the idea that I'm gay, I felt calm, and then I started to get scared because I didn't feel anxiety anymore, I still feel attracted to my girlfriend, both physically and emotionally, but I feel an attraction to boys, sometimes I panic when I feel attracted and sometimes I don't (but most of the time I do) and I don't want to break up with my girlfriend I want to get back to normal

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