- Date posted
- 2y
HOCD
I never knew what intrusive thoughts were until I research up the exact thoughts I’ve been having. I am not diagnosed or sure this is what I have but it felt like a relief. Now although I’m not nearly as anxious as I was prior to educating myself on HOCD, in beginning to feel like it’s just me trying to hide my truth. Back when I was younger I acted on things that I didn’t realize could be as detrimental as they are, I’m like well I used to watch girls kiss? Does that mean I’m gay? I didn’t know any better, now I’m just left confused once again. At the time I didn’t think much into it and I never had a crush on a girl or would consistently think about it. But as my intrusive thoughts enter my mind i being to remember those behaviors and feel like it’s me just lying to myself that your in denial and you are this way, it’s unsettling. I feel like if I could erase those actions when I was younger I wouldn’t be struggling the way I am. I don’t remember truly enjoying it or feeling a certain way after. It’s more scaring then it is enjoyable.