Yeehaww
- Date posted
- 2y
HOCD
Is it normal that I don’t feel these thoughts to be as invasive after reading into HOCD? Or is it just me being in denial about my orientation.
doinghardthingsdoinghardthings
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
It’s possible that learning more about SOOCD has been helpful to you to recontextualize your experience. If you’re feeling anxiety about not having anxiety about the original issue (questions about your sexual orientation), that’s quite common. OCD will do whatever it has to in order to stay relevant and manipulate you. The ultimate goal of treatment is to help you realize you’re more powerful than your thoughts and also you aren’t your thoughts so if that’s where you are, then that’s great! I know for myself that learning about OCD generally and SOOCD specifically was life changing, but just learning about it isn’t a substitute for me seeking treatment and learning to practice ERP.
Yeehaww Yeehaww
- Date posted
- 2y
It’s not quite anxiety but now I’m like well… I feel okay, that initial thought isn’t bothering me as much, I’m just questioning as to why I feel more at peace.
doinghardthingsdoinghardthings
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonymous Okay! Well I know in the moments when I’m not as anxious and have the self awareness to recognize that, it feels weird for me too, no matter the situation. I’m just so used to living my life with anxiety that it really does feel like something is wrong when it’s not there. To illustrate the example another way, I went to physical therapy last week, and my therapist was able to use a technique to relive tension in several pressure points on my body. It was a strange feeling to feel more relaxed because I didn’t realize I was tense in the first place. Additionally, OCD can manipulate your feelings, as well as your thoughts, to make you feel anything it wants you to feel, but the point is that these thoughts and feelings are ego-dystonic. In other words they’re not genuine to who you really are. Are you in OCD treatment, or do you have the opportunity to get started? Practicing ERP is an opportunity to learn to face and manage your fears and will help you learn yourself a bit better. The only one who can determine if you’re in denial or not is you. I know that might sounds scary but it also suggests you have the power to see through your thoughts for what they are: thoughts, and a lot of them don’t make sense for no particular reason.
Yeehaww Yeehaww
- Date posted
- 2y
@doinghardthings Thank you. And yes I am beginning on Wednesday to see. I don’t know if I have it, initially I was just going to not do it cause although the thought is there and I’m feeling odd the anxiety part isn’t as much so I’m contemplating if I even have this. I’m like well I feel “okay” and the thought isn’t bothering me as much, I’m not ruminating as much, so maybe I don’t have this. Which I also know can be a part of OCD… I just don’t know really so I decided to continue with it for the maybe ill get something out of it. It’s weird
doinghardthingsdoinghardthings
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonymous That’s great! I really do relate to the situation not being super anxiety inducing but feeling weird nonetheless. While I had a dramatic relapse earlier this year that led me to pursue OCD specific treatment, for a while before that I felt off about my relationships, sexual/romantic or otherwise. Typing it out now, I wonder if I had a “relapse” because I realized something was subtly off, and that poked the bear, so to speak. In any case, I’m early on in the process myself and I’m realizing how much anxiety I’ve been carrying. Whatever comes of the experience of therapy, I just want to feel less anxiety and be better able to lead a fulfilling life.
Yeehaww Yeehaww
- Date posted
- 2y
It’s just weird. I’ve always known I’m straight but I feel like after looking into HOCD that because I’m calmer now makes me think I’m gay. And the fact that I’m not as anxious makes me feel like this odd feeling and now I just feel lost, but I remind myself of the feeling I’ve felt toward boys. This may just be part of the process
doinghardthingsdoinghardthings
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonymous I’m not an expert but I think you’re in the right place 💚 hang in there
Yeehaww Yeehaww
- Date posted
- 2y
@doinghardthings Thank you for your help!
Related posts
edimichael
- Date posted
- 23w
acceptance
it feels like i accepted being gay and thats part of who i am but i still feel that tension and fake attraction whenever i see a man and i feel like i could be able to have a sexual intercourse with a man even though i dont want it is it still hocd or just denial? like i am feeling okey but there is still that doubt that how can i know that im not gay if i dont get disgusted by gay things or gay personality traits and at the same time i want to feel normal again like before
ocdsurviver
- Date posted
- 17w
How do y’all deal with this?
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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user74128588493
- Date posted
- 16w
hocd and scared it’s internalized homophobia
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
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