HOCD

@Anonymous Okay! Well I know in the moments when I’m not as anxious and have the self awareness to recognize that, it feels weird for me too, no matter the situation. I’m just so used to living my life with anxiety that it really does feel like something is wrong when it’s not there. To illustrate the example another way, I went to physical therapy last week, and my therapist was able to use a technique to relive tension in several pressure points on my body. It was a strange feeling to feel more relaxed because I didn’t realize I was tense in the first place. Additionally, OCD can manipulate your feelings, as well as your thoughts, to make you feel anything it wants you to feel, but the point is that these thoughts and feelings are ego-dystonic. In other words they’re not genuine to who you really are. Are you in OCD treatment, or do you have the opportunity to get started? Practicing ERP is an opportunity to learn to face and manage your fears and will help you learn yourself a bit better. The only one who can determine if you’re in denial or not is you. I know that might sounds scary but it also suggests you have the power to see through your thoughts for what they are: thoughts, and a lot of them don’t make sense for no particular reason.

@doinghardthings Thank you. And yes I am beginning on Wednesday to see. I don’t know if I have it, initially I was just going to not do it cause although the thought is there and I’m feeling odd the anxiety part isn’t as much so I’m contemplating if I even have this. I’m like well I feel “okay” and the thought isn’t bothering me as much, I’m not ruminating as much, so maybe I don’t have this. Which I also know can be a part of OCD… I just don’t know really so I decided to continue with it for the maybe ill get something out of it. It’s weird

@Anonymous That’s great! I really do relate to the situation not being super anxiety inducing but feeling weird nonetheless. While I had a dramatic relapse earlier this year that led me to pursue OCD specific treatment, for a while before that I felt off about my relationships, sexual/romantic or otherwise. Typing it out now, I wonder if I had a “relapse” because I realized something was subtly off, and that poked the bear, so to speak. In any case, I’m early on in the process myself and I’m realizing how much anxiety I’ve been carrying. Whatever comes of the experience of therapy, I just want to feel less anxiety and be better able to lead a fulfilling life.

@Anonymous I’m not an expert but I think you’re in the right place 💚 hang in there

@doinghardthings Thank you for your help!