minimjs
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeehaww Yeehaww
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel this. I’m unsure at the moment too,
doinghardthingsdoinghardthings
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I am experiencing SOOCD too. While I think in my experience, I did have a more clear idea of my natural sexual orientation (straight) before it’s onset, I was also quite young. If anything, that was fuel for my OCD because I hadn’t had any experience to go off of to “know for sure”. But that said, it took me 13 years to get OCD-specific treatment. In that interim I did things that helped my mental health but didn’t address this issue specifically. It felt like if I had interest in a guy, I was making it up as a means of denial. It resulted in me not feeling like I could say I was straight because I couldn’t tell if it was true or not at that time, despite evidence to the contrary. It doesn’t sound like it’s that directly relatable to your experience, but it could be possible you’re feeling the way you do due to the influence of OCD. It can be hard to identify logic because the situation feels so real and being logical doesn’t help anyway because OCD operates outside of logic. I’ll also say that when I’ve read other accounts of women experiencing SOOCD, I’ve had the thought occur to me that if my experience doesn’t match theirs 100%, it must mean I don’t have OCD. That said, apparently I have enough insight to see how that doesn’t make sense. We’re all individual people and the way OCD presents is going to be highly individualized too. Although in some ways physical illness seems much more straightforward, there actually is a variation in the symptoms someone experiences. For example, not everyone with COVID could expect to experience the same symptoms in the same way to the same degree. It’s highly individual, and mental illness is the same.
minimjsminimjs
- Date posted
- 3y
i’ve never thought of it this way. thank you!! and yes, it feels like i’m trying to exist with a brain that is showering me with 24/7 invalidation and doubt. it can never just be “i feel this way,” or “i genuinely like/love this person,” it has to be “i probably feel this way because i’m in denial,” or “my feelings aren’t true and all-encompassing, so i’m only prolonging the lie.” all sense of healthy personal evaluation and intuition thrown out the window because every thought has to be run through a grueling, obsessive analytical process.
doinghardthingsdoinghardthings
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@minimjs It can be really scary but also freeing to realize you can’t really compare yourself to others as a means of learning about yourself! But if you’re able to trust the process through therapy you’ll be able to figure out what feels right for you. 💖
minimjsminimjs
- Date posted
- 3y
@doinghardthings tysm 💗 i feel like ocd is uniquely disorienting and isolating, so discovering similarities between yourself and other sufferers really validates your own experience and highlights the presence of a widespread disorder rather than a personal defect. it feels like a reflex to want to cling to these similarities (which is also why it’s so scary when your experience differs at all; suddenly you question if you’ve ever really had ocd). i know you know how it goes. 😅 but i really appreciate all your responses, thank you again!
doinghardthingsdoinghardthings
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@minimjs Totally! You’re actually right that it is so helpful to hear about other people experiencing similar things and that’s what I like about being on this app. It helps to validate that I’m in the right place especially since OCD doesn’t want you to think you have OCD. I’m sure there’s someone out there who would describe the way they’re feeling the same way as you (it looks like there is someone else in the comments too!) but it’s to be expected that you’re not going to match experiences perfectly 1:1. You hang in there, and I will too ☺️
minimjsminimjs
- Date posted
- 3y
@doinghardthings so true! sounds good, will do 😇💗
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- Date posted
- 17w
TOCD and very light SO-OCD
I wouldn’t really say I have SO-OCD, but it manifests in some areas of my TOCD. Like if I see a woman for example my thoughts will go “what if I like her but as a man?” like my thoughts say I’m a straight man instead of a straight woman. And it’s really bothering me. If I see an attractive woman my brain will re-wire and imagine myself as a man looking at an attraction woman and it gets super uncomfortable that I have to like shake my head and say “no no no no no” multiple times to get the thought out. I know that counts as a compulsion but it’s hard to not do it because it’s so triggering. Now I don’t mind if I like women, however I’m really scared that I’m actually a straight man who likes women (or at least a bisexual man, considering I like men) and I hate it because I don’t want to be a man. Like I’ll think of my desired relationship as a woman dating a man but my OCD will switch it up to me being the man dating the woman, which is the opposite of what I want. I don’t want to be a man at all and I don’t want to date a woman, both of those are the opposite of my desires, but I’m still so scared. I’ll accept myself if I actually like women and am a bisexual woman, however I heard that being bisexual can mean being trans which scares me (for the record it was said in reddit by a sub which is mainly focused on a pseudoscientific phenomenon, that is still believed by the members to be true, so it’s definitely not a trustworthy statement, but my OCD will use anything to work against me) Does anyone here relate a little? 🥲
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anonymouscookie
- Date posted
- 17w
so ocd and bisexuality
Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.
Chlem11
- Date posted
- 12w
Sexual Orientation OCD
I have a lot of trouble with my sexuality. I’ve been trying to figure out my sexuality for years. I’ve dated a man, and I wasn’t really into the whole time. And since then I’ve thought that maybe I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women, which I know for sure. But then my brain spirals, I constantly think back ti memories with my ex, how I felt with him, I check how it makes me feel. I often google to see if other lesbians have felt similar, I ask ChatGpt over and over again. I feel like I have to be 100% certain or that im faking for attention, or thst I’ll end up with a man. I guess im wondering has anyone else felt like this ? What’s been your experience how do you manage it?
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