does anyone else feel like their SO-OCD isn’t as black and white as others? i went my whole life thinking i was straight, but i don’t know if it was necessarily ocd that caused me to question it. i definitely had/have extremely obsessive and distressing thoughts about it, and not being straight still feels “wrong” somehow, but i’m not 100% positive. i just feel left out/alienated from others with SO-OCD who are/were “sure” of their sexuality before, but ocd caused them to question what they knew was true. i guess i never knew for sure and i still don’t. but i see a lot of posts about ocd claiming that ocd goes against what a person KNOWS to be true. i don’t know. just so sick of doubting something so integral to my identity to such an extreme degree. exhausting!!! this question wasn’t meant for the purpose of seeking reassurance

Sexual Orientation OCD

Yeehaww

Date posted: 3y

I feel this. I’m unsure at the moment too,

doinghardthings

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I am experiencing SOOCD too. While I think in my experience, I did have a more clear idea of my natural sexual orientation (straight) before it’s onset, I was also quite young. If anything, that was fuel for my OCD because I hadn’t had any experience to go off of to “know for sure”. But that said, it took me 13 years to get OCD-specific treatment. In that interim I did things that helped my mental health but didn’t address this issue specifically. It felt like if I had interest in a guy, I was making it up as a means of denial. It resulted in me not feeling like I could say I was straight because I couldn’t tell if it was true or not at that time, despite evidence to the contrary. It doesn’t sound like it’s that directly relatable to your experience, but it could be possible you’re feeling the way you do due to the influence of OCD. It can be hard to identify logic because the situation feels so real and being logical doesn’t help anyway because OCD operates outside of logic. I’ll also say that when I’ve read other accounts of women experiencing SOOCD, I’ve had the thought occur to me that if my experience doesn’t match theirs 100%, it must mean I don’t have OCD. That said, apparently I have enough insight to see how that doesn’t make sense. We’re all individual people and the way OCD presents is going to be highly individualized too. Although in some ways physical illness seems much more straightforward, there actually is a variation in the symptoms someone experiences. For example, not everyone with COVID could expect to experience the same symptoms in the same way to the same degree. It’s highly individual, and mental illness is the same.

minimjs

Date posted: 3y

i’ve never thought of it this way. thank you!! and yes, it feels like i’m trying to exist with a brain that is showering me with 24/7 invalidation and doubt. it can never just be “i feel this way,” or “i genuinely like/love this person,” it has to be “i probably feel this way because i’m in denial,” or “my feelings aren’t true and all-encompassing, so i’m only prolonging the lie.” all sense of healthy personal evaluation and intuition thrown out the window because every thought has to be run through a grueling, obsessive analytical process.

doinghardthings

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@minimjs It can be really scary but also freeing to realize you can’t really compare yourself to others as a means of learning about yourself! But if you’re able to trust the process through therapy you’ll be able to figure out what feels right for you. 💖

minimjs

Date posted: 3y

@doinghardthings tysm 💗 i feel like ocd is uniquely disorienting and isolating, so discovering similarities between yourself and other sufferers really validates your own experience and highlights the presence of a widespread disorder rather than a personal defect. it feels like a reflex to want to cling to these similarities (which is also why it’s so scary when your experience differs at all; suddenly you question if you’ve ever really had ocd). i know you know how it goes. 😅 but i really appreciate all your responses, thank you again!

doinghardthings

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@minimjs Totally! You’re actually right that it is so helpful to hear about other people experiencing similar things and that’s what I like about being on this app. It helps to validate that I’m in the right place especially since OCD doesn’t want you to think you have OCD. I’m sure there’s someone out there who would describe the way they’re feeling the same way as you (it looks like there is someone else in the comments too!) but it’s to be expected that you’re not going to match experiences perfectly 1:1. You hang in there, and I will too ☺️

minimjs

Date posted: 3y

@doinghardthings so true! sounds good, will do 😇💗

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