Anon17

Date posted: 2y

I don’t know if I’m me or not?!

I’m so scared at the moment. I feel like i cannot differentiate right from wrong. I don’t know if what i like is truly what i like. What if i like the disgusting images that are in my head. Like i say that i am scared but am i actually scared? I think this is harm ocd but is it really? Are my thoughts really intrusive? How do i know if this is me or not? Like a family member of mine just brought up Dahmer and how he was a horrible person and now I’m thinking well what if i end up like that, what if I’m the next him? And i feel little to know anxiety. Like shouldn’t i be isolating myself if i truly don’t want to hurt anybody. Like how do i know if i like my thoughts are not. I think that i don’t like them and would never ever want them to happen but how do i know if this is me? I’m really struggling. Like what if i actually like my thoughts. Yesterday i was so excited talking about family vacation and now i don’t know who i am. Like what if i just go off at any given moment and not care. How do i know if i care or not? Has anyone experience this? Like i truly don’t know what i like and it’s such a scary feeling? What if i don’t care?

Harm OCD

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

Thank you both for this. My biggest struggle right now is thinking like am i actually scared though? Like i know I’m scared and i know that i don’t like my thoughts but my mind keeps telling me oh you’re lying you are not scared to feel this way. It’s soo bad like how i can i feel happy and excited for vacation next year one minute and then completely questioning my sanity, who i am, and what i actually enjoy one hour later.

Melody2022

Date posted: 2y

@Anon17 Feel this on a whole other level, it’s hard to know what is me and what’s fear and the ocd putting up false feelings and scenarios

overocdxoxo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

hi letting you know your not alone The fact that you're saying you're scared is a true indication that this is just OCD if you were not scared of your intrusive thoughts and they weren't intrusive to you this would be different the fact it's " scaring you " means it's against ur values xox i hope that's helps

Davle1

Date posted: 2y

@overocdxoxo Yes!! Totally agree with this. If you thought it was okay and it was something you’d want to do, you wouldn’t be working yourself up so much about it. Clearly goes against your values. You have to find a way to break that cycle

Melody2022

Date posted: 2y

@overocdxoxo This brought me so much anxiety because sometimes I feel like I’m not scared of the thoughts enough, but the fact that this post in itself gave me anxiety is what’s truly important. Sometimes your brain does go to dark places and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, only if you act on your thoughts. You don’t just become a psycho over night and I never once thought like this in my life. That’s the true indicator.

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@Melody2022 This is what i keep trying to remind myself. I have never ever felt this before in my life and it just came suddenly over the last 2 months. I used to freak out over my thoughts they caused me soo much anxiety. But now it’s like mehh they are just there and it’s making me so scared because the thoughts are 10x worse now then when they first started. So i was anxious about thoughts in the beginning that looking back aren’t as as bad as what i have now.

Melody2022

Date posted: 2y

@Anon17 Just know that it’s the ocd tricking you. Everyone is different in how they react and I try to tell myself to not compare myself to others because I’m probably just really depressed to feel worried, but at one point the thoughts did affect me. I know I don’t like them, but they feel so real and it’s so hard to deal with. You can’t just wake up one day and be like bam you’re a bad person or a psychopath, which is what I tell myself anyway. Sorry you’re struggling, but know you’re not alone.

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@Melody2022 Yes at one point i was super distressed by my thoughts and now they are feeling so real and i have no reaction. I keep trying to tell myself that it’s a 1% probability but even then seeing a 1% is so freakin scary because what if i am the 1% even though i don’t want to be

Melody2022

Date posted: 2y

@Anon17 One thing to tell yourself is that you control your actions, your thoughts don’t control your actions, not the bad ones anyway, especially if you can acknowledge you never wanted this.

overocdxoxo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

breaking that cycle takes a lot of knowledge and therapy n exposures and community / support like this! i have flare ups sometimes but i still work on it 💕

overocdxoxo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

it's just anxiety you hold so much value on NOT being crazy having the thoughts r tricking u listen to the podcast i recommended " panic pod" it will help u A LOT . if u weren't scared it's simple u wouldn't be scared the thought of r u scared wouldn't come up

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@overocdxoxo Thank you so much I’ll give it a listen. I just keep getting extremely gruesome images in my head that won’t go away and now my mind is making me question everything. I know this is looking for reassurance but it got so real for a little while. I’m trying to sit with uncertainty but that’s when the thought “maybe you actually like it” pops into my head

overocdxoxo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

it's ok to have some reassurance sometimes we all need support ! as long as ur aware ! yes check it out scroll down to the intrusive thoughts episode it's kinda far down the list if i remember

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@overocdxoxo Thank you ❤️

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 22w

how do i know if i have OCD?

so this all started not too long ago, for literally no reason at all. but one day i got a random intrusive thought about harming others and it freaked me out bad. since then i’ve been non stop focusing on it and im genuinely scared that i am, or gonna end up like those sick people that have documentaries about them. i’ve never had these types of thoughts before and after me and my mom looked a lot of stuff up we think i have OCD cuz a lot of the stuff it was saying was accurate to me. to anyone in here, does this sound like OCD to you? i’ve always been a nice loving person and these thoughts freak me out so bad and make me feel like i’m a bad gross person. it got to the point i don’t even like looking at myself anymore. i just wanna go back to normal man. another thing to add, when i would explain this to my mom even though i was telling the full truth on how crappy this made me feel it felt like i was lying almost? but i know i wasn’t deep down. i’m just scared that what if i act on something or get in my head too much you know?

nevieocal

Date posted: 22w

Can someone please help me?

I think when people are saying OCD is egodystonic is really triggering me and I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else? I’m going through a really bad relapse and right now I’m trying to figure out if my thoughts are truly egodystonic, like I how do I know I won’t act on them, how can I trust my emotions and everything. I feel really confused and I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore or how I carry on with life because it’s so long and I’m so unsure of everything that’s going on in my head. Like how do I know that this is OCD and true desires/urges. I’m so confused.

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