Accepting

@Anonymous My head is killing me. Like I’m talking to my mom and I just feel like she thinks I’m crazy. I’m like this is exactly what is going through my mind. I keep looking back and thinking we’ll was being with that guy or flirting with that guy just a subconscious coverup? At the time I remember that they were actually people I was physically attracted too, now I’m going insane overthinking it and feeling like I don’t know.

@Countrymusiclover_1 i’m in the exact same spot. i’ve been numb for weeks and have not been able to stop crying. i have a boyfriend and now pick apart if im attracted to him, and if i was ever actually attracted to any of the boys i’ve liked before. this obsessive spiral is killing me

@Anonymous Same! I met a boy that was so perfect, then I started feeling like I couldn’t continue with it, it was all I could think about so I decided to end it…. I was like what is wrong with me… then I saw a tik tok about this girl who hung out with a girl and turned lesbian…. That triggered me and I began to overthink…. We’ll is that’s what’s going on with me? We’re those boys just for my validation? Am I actually interested in girls? It was nearly 2 weeks of this until I decided to look into this and I felt like I could breath for the first time. But the fact that I felt relief makes me scared that I’m just using the OCD to hide my truth that this isn’t it….. until it comes back again and destroys me. I feel like I’ll never be in a relationship because this is going to be a constant fear, when I’ve always imagined being with a man.

@Countrymusiclover_1 yup i’ve dealt with ocd since i was a kid, i had a few different subtypes, for some reason this is the one that gets to me the most. just the idea of not truly knowing who i am or might be freaks me out . i watched a show where a woman was with her husband for 20 years & then found out she was a lesbian… i was like, how do you just not know?? and then completely spiraled. have been freaking out for months dissecting and ruminating in my past, present, & future. its driving me insane!!!

@Countrymusiclover_1 i promise it’d be no different if you would have had those connections. i’ve had deep meaningful connections with a couple guys & yet my ocd doesn’t care, says it was all just a ploy and i imagined it

@Anonymous Who knows. I’m not diagnosed but I feel like HOCD described the exact emotions and mannerism I’ve been doing, over past years.

@Anonymous I just don’t know if it is and don’t want to convince myself it is because I don’t know. Scared me because if it’s not this then I don’t know what this is.