Exposure still bothering me

@Anon17 You are so right. It’s awful. I’m at the point now where I’m freaking out so bad because it feels like I want to be like him or that it’s my destiny to be like him. I’m so scared and the thoughts are so disgusting and I just want them all to go away.

@Anon17 This is exactly what I’m going through. It feels like who I used to be is vanishing and now I’m turning into a monster. And worst of all, it feels like I want that. Which scares me even more. If that makes sense.

@Catlove9 Makes total sense that’s what I’ve been struggling with the last few days is that i don’t feel like me and i feel like i don’t know what i want anymore.

@Anon17 Yah. It’s almost like there’s this dark vail over my life right now.

@ivrec I just took your advice on countering with what ifs because i just had a very scary image and thought towards something to extreme as Dahmer and i literally lost who i was for a second. I was questioning everything like it felt truly real. And then i said “what if i just do it” and it calmed me down a little bit like i was feeling fine and then boom now I’m thinking I’m like him and i find it hard to find the difference. It feels so real.

@EmilyCruce Thank you! It’s so hard. When I say that it makes it feel worse. But I guess that’s how it is supposed to feel.

@StrawberryShortcake This is even scary to hear because i have never clinically been diagnosed with ocd. I’m kind of just self diagnosing. What if i don’t have it? I’m so scared.

@Anon17 I was self-diagnosing as well. I just found out just the other day that I officially have OCD. Don’t worry. If you are “worried that you have OCD or not”, then you def have it

@StrawberryShortcake Thank you. These past few weeks have been so hard on me and i keep trying to act like my normal self in front of family and coworkers so they wouldn’t know what was bothering me. I’ve had so many different thoughts pop up in the course of one week just wondering if it’s normal. Fear of stabbing someone, fear of going ballistic in public, fear of going insane, schizophrenic, psychotic, and now my biggest fear and it has lasted the longest is fear of becoming Dahmer. I know putting posts on here is compulsions so I’m going to try and be better about that.

@Anon17 It’s ok. It only helps in the moment tho to get reassurance. After, you just go back to feeling awful. But trust me, I feel the exact same way.

@Anon17 I don’t want to give you reassurance but this is how i started out too. It came out of nowhere. Three years later, still in the same boat. Don’t get to my point! Try to resist compulsions.

@Catlove9 Thank you. I was so scared how mine came out of nowhere and they started as intrusive thoughts such as “what if i stab her” and now they are horrific gory images. Like 2 months ago i was happy living life. What causes on set intrusive thoughts if anyone knows? Because that’s why i am so scared it because they are so sudden

@Anon17 The OCD wants you to figure that out. But the same thing happened to me. I remember it perfectly. I was having a great day. I started to have a panic attack. And it started out just like an ordinary panic attack. Nothing special. Then all of a sudden it felt like I was going to hurt someone. It was terrifying. I never experienced it before. And I freaked out because I had no idea where the thoughts came from. I think by trying to figure it out, it made it worse.

@Catlove9 I remember mine perfectly as well. I watched a new movie trailer and it was about a girl killing a family and ever since then i have had intrusive thoughts that won’t go away. And they continuously get worse. Like for example just right now i was giving my brother a haircut and i had a super bad image/thought of something Dahmer would have done and now I’m stuck questioning everything again. Like what if i just do something to that extreme. I’m so scared.

@Anon17 I get it! The worst for me is feeling like I actually want to do it. It terrifies me.

@Catlove9 That’s what happened to me just right now. Like how do i know it’s not real? Like it feels so real. It’s sad to say but how do i know i don’t want something? I keep telling myself the word no and saying “wtf” but it just feels so real.

@Anon17 The more we give into the compulsions and reassuring ourselves, the more confusing it will be. This happens to me. I keep ruminating and trying to figure it out and I just get more scared.

@Catlove9 I know and that’s where I’m struggling. Because it’s hard to just be okay with something so extreme, especially when it feels so real. Like honestly I’m trying to replay what just happened in my head and i just can’t figure it out because I’m that moment i felt like a total different person. Like it felt completely different than how i felt just an hour ago. Sorry for bombarding you. I just am so scared I’ll do something so wrong.

@Anon17 Don’t be sorry. We all go through this. If you can, try to not replay it. You’re giving into a compulsion and it will create more doubt.

@Catlove9 Thank you for the advice.

@Anon17 I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Please know you aren’t alone. I’m going through the exact same thing.

@Catlove9 Thank you. I’m sorry you are going through this too.

@KrunchyPie22 So sorry you are going through this. Same here I’ve been trying to reassure myself that i am not and do not want to be that person. But today it got very real.

@KrunchyPie22 I’m so so sorry you feel this way. If you need anything I’m here to talk. Is nice having someone with similar experiences.