Username: Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

Exposure still bothering me

I had therapy on Tuesday. We did an exposure by watching an interview with Jeffrey Dahmer. He kept using the words “obsession” and “compulsion” and said his thoughts became too strong and he gave into them. He said a lot of other things but Of course I fixated on that. When I was doing the exposure in therapy, I did not feel to bad but now I cannot shake the feeling that I want to be like him and I’m secretly this monster. It is crushing me and I feel so dark and disgusted.

Harm OCD

Username: LyneldaLynelda

Date posted: 2y ago

Not alone. I’m shocked at how many people on here have talked about their OCD latching onto the Jeffrey Dahmer theme. I had this theme BAD when I was a teenager and we all first learned about everything. Thought I got through it back then. But of course not, it came back recently. I’m just shocked at how common a theme this is. Strangely makes me feel better.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

This bothers me soooo bad. Like i can’t afford therapy so I’ve been struggling on my own and every-time i hear that he couldn’t resist or it was a compulsion freaks me out. Like it truly makes me scared that i could not be able to resist just like him. Like what if i can’t resist it anymore. Like I’ve been struggling on this topic for weeks now and i have intrusive thoughts/ images that are just beyond anything i could have ever imagined that i would think in my head. It truly makes me so scared. And now I’m to the the point where I’m questioning everything because people on here always say the difference between you and him is that he’s a horrible person and didn’t care. And honestly that doesn’t really help me at all because what if i don’t care. What if I’m a bad person? Like I’m to the point where I’m struggling to differentiate right from wrong/what i like or don’t like. And it it makes my images and thoughts that much more scary. Like what if i just become him? I’m so sorry you are struggling with this as well as me and I’m glad you are in therapy. Keep going i hope you get better. And i hope i get better as well. It’s so scary.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 You are so right. It’s awful. I’m at the point now where I’m freaking out so bad because it feels like I want to be like him or that it’s my destiny to be like him. I’m so scared and the thoughts are so disgusting and I just want them all to go away.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

Exactly me. I’m just wishing for them to go away. It just makes me even more scared because I’ve never had an issue before. Like this just started happening abruptly in the course of 2 Months. And i have no idea what brought it on either that’s what makes me all that much more scared. I keep questioning myself oh maybe you really are like him because this happened so suddenly. I know people say that brains can change when you have this illness and you can get better but i keep questioning well maybe my brain changed for the worse. Maybe my brain is turning me i to a monster. Maybe my brain won’t allow me to get better. I just can’t take it anymore.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 This is exactly what I’m going through. It feels like who I used to be is vanishing and now I’m turning into a monster. And worst of all, it feels like I want that. Which scares me even more. If that makes sense.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 Makes total sense that’s what I’ve been struggling with the last few days is that i don’t feel like me and i feel like i don’t know what i want anymore.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 Yah. It’s almost like there’s this dark vail over my life right now.

Username: ivrecivrec

Date posted: 2y ago

I was diagnosed with anxiety but doing research on my own, definitely OCD then later diagnosed by a therapist as OCD. OCD is always going down the “what if” path. I heard counter with “what is” that helps with bringing you back into the present and the reality of what is.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@ivrec I just took your advice on countering with what ifs because i just had a very scary image and thought towards something to extreme as Dahmer and i literally lost who i was for a second. I was questioning everything like it felt truly real. And then i said “what if i just do it” and it calmed me down a little bit like i was feeling fine and then boom now I’m thinking I’m like him and i find it hard to find the difference. It feels so real.

Username: EmilyCruceEmilyCruce

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m so sorry to hear that OCD has latched onto some harm thoughts. It sounds like there is some rumination going on right now. The best way to end the cycle is to use non-engagement with these thoughts. I know it seems like they “need to be figured out” because your scared of them but you don’t need to. When an intrusive thought comes in try responding with “maybe, maybe not”

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@EmilyCruce Thank you! It’s so hard. When I say that it makes it feel worse. But I guess that’s how it is supposed to feel.

Username: StrawberryShortcakeStrawberrySh...

Date posted: 2y ago

Just remember, Dahmer was NOT diagnosed with OCD. He was diagnosed with many psychotic disorders. He was also described as aloof and a loner, even as a child. Don’t worry. You are not like him. I’ve worried the same thing about myself cause I think I saw a little piece of the video you watched, it scared me really bad. But remember, this is OCD…he did not have OCD.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@StrawberryShortcake This is even scary to hear because i have never clinically been diagnosed with ocd. I’m kind of just self diagnosing. What if i don’t have it? I’m so scared.

Username: StrawberryShortcakeStrawberrySh...

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 I was self-diagnosing as well. I just found out just the other day that I officially have OCD. Don’t worry. If you are “worried that you have OCD or not”, then you def have it

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@StrawberryShortcake Thank you. These past few weeks have been so hard on me and i keep trying to act like my normal self in front of family and coworkers so they wouldn’t know what was bothering me. I’ve had so many different thoughts pop up in the course of one week just wondering if it’s normal. Fear of stabbing someone, fear of going ballistic in public, fear of going insane, schizophrenic, psychotic, and now my biggest fear and it has lasted the longest is fear of becoming Dahmer. I know putting posts on here is compulsions so I’m going to try and be better about that.

Username: StrawberryShortcakeStrawberrySh...

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 It’s ok. It only helps in the moment tho to get reassurance. After, you just go back to feeling awful. But trust me, I feel the exact same way.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 I don’t want to give you reassurance but this is how i started out too. It came out of nowhere. Three years later, still in the same boat. Don’t get to my point! Try to resist compulsions.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 Thank you. I was so scared how mine came out of nowhere and they started as intrusive thoughts such as “what if i stab her” and now they are horrific gory images. Like 2 months ago i was happy living life. What causes on set intrusive thoughts if anyone knows? Because that’s why i am so scared it because they are so sudden

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 The OCD wants you to figure that out. But the same thing happened to me. I remember it perfectly. I was having a great day. I started to have a panic attack. And it started out just like an ordinary panic attack. Nothing special. Then all of a sudden it felt like I was going to hurt someone. It was terrifying. I never experienced it before. And I freaked out because I had no idea where the thoughts came from. I think by trying to figure it out, it made it worse.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 I remember mine perfectly as well. I watched a new movie trailer and it was about a girl killing a family and ever since then i have had intrusive thoughts that won’t go away. And they continuously get worse. Like for example just right now i was giving my brother a haircut and i had a super bad image/thought of something Dahmer would have done and now I’m stuck questioning everything again. Like what if i just do something to that extreme. I’m so scared.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 I get it! The worst for me is feeling like I actually want to do it. It terrifies me.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 That’s what happened to me just right now. Like how do i know it’s not real? Like it feels so real. It’s sad to say but how do i know i don’t want something? I keep telling myself the word no and saying “wtf” but it just feels so real.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 The more we give into the compulsions and reassuring ourselves, the more confusing it will be. This happens to me. I keep ruminating and trying to figure it out and I just get more scared.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 I know and that’s where I’m struggling. Because it’s hard to just be okay with something so extreme, especially when it feels so real. Like honestly I’m trying to replay what just happened in my head and i just can’t figure it out because I’m that moment i felt like a total different person. Like it felt completely different than how i felt just an hour ago. Sorry for bombarding you. I just am so scared I’ll do something so wrong.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 Don’t be sorry. We all go through this. If you can, try to not replay it. You’re giving into a compulsion and it will create more doubt.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 Thank you for the advice.

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Please know you aren’t alone. I’m going through the exact same thing.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Catlove9 Thank you. I’m sorry you are going through this too.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@KrunchyPie22 So sorry you are going through this. Same here I’ve been trying to reassure myself that i am not and do not want to be that person. But today it got very real.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@KrunchyPie22 I’m so so sorry you feel this way. If you need anything I’m here to talk. Is nice having someone with similar experiences.

Username: Serio?

Date posted: 4y ago

So I was doing an exposure and I think I finally nailed down the exact obsession even though it takes on different forms. I was in a toxic relationship in the past so I fear that since I still struggle at times to make sure I don’t fall into any bad habits I formed that it will cause something bad. The biggest one is that I fear being attracted to or wanting to date other people. One of them is my toxic ex so I just fear that he will try to inch his way back into my life and I’ll lose control in some way. The fact that that is something that *could* happen theoretically is terrifying and creates a lot of confusing compulsions.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Guilt

Hey friends, really rough day. I want to go to therapy but it feels like my therapists are afraid of me or don't understand me. They encourage me to just keep doing Exposure therapy but I know I'm not going to act on anything! I know I'm supposed to say "maybe maybe not" but that's not what's going on here! I feel guilty for THINKING these things! I opened up to a person the other day and they opened up about their anxiety and depression and wanted to tell them my struggles over the last 9 months but I know that my thoughts are gross and not real. I want to stop feeling guilt for my thoughts WITHOUT endorsing my thoughts. I can expose myself all I want, it doesn't make my thoughts good.

Username: Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

Struggling.

My coworkers just busted out a loud and open discussion of Jeffery Dahmer. Talking about how he murdered, tortured, and ate people. And how he had some sort of mental health condition. I literally cannot take it anymore. I just came in the bathroom and started to cry. Im so scared of being like him. I can’t even enjoy anything anymore. Usually work is my safe space because I’m surrounded by lots of people, but now they keep bringing this topic up as a discussion. I’ve felt relatively good all day and then this happened. Like I’m so scared i don’t even know who i am anymore. What if i have the same condition that he did? What if i end up like him? What if I’m the next him? I think I’m crying because I’m scared but what if I’m making myself fake cry because i am a bad person. I keep saying that I’m scared but what if I’m not. I keep saying i would never want to be like him but with if i do want it. I cannot escape this maze that I’m in. I finally felt okay this morning and now i don’t know what to feel. I feel like I’m in distress but am i really? Please help. Does anyone else feel like this? Why did this happen to me? I was so happy literally 8 weeks ago. How does this just happen

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