I’m so scared. Please help.

I’m feeling somewhat okay today and my intrusive thoughts have been somewhat at a minimum. I struggle with harm thoughts mainly pertaining to what Dahmer has done. I’m so scared of being like him. The fact that i feel fine today is scaring me so bad. What if I’m just okay with it? What if I’m like him and am okay with it? I feel like i keep trying to force my thoughts because they are not there. Like I’m freaking out. I’m home alone with my mom today and tonight and I’m freaking out. Like i don’t feel good i don’t feel like me, my intrusive thoughts and images are hardly here and I’m getting scared. But my thing is also like i say that I’m scared but am i really? What if I’m not? What if I’m pretending? How am i gonna get through this night? Please help. What if i just do something so bad.

Harm OCD

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

Thank you so much! I just get so scared. Like maybe I’m a terrible person and am just hiding behind my phone trying to find help. It’s so scary to think that way considering what my thoughts even are.

OCDinparadise

Date posted: 2y

@Anon17 Of course! Yeah that’s understandable, that’s the part of OCD that society doesn’t know about. It is a terrible feeling to feel like you’re faking something and that you might just be something terrible. Make sure to remember that OCD is a liar and likes to mess with you. Sometimes I feel like I’m a terrible person who just fakes being nice and wanting to be good. It’s going to be alright, you’re going to get through this. You’re not alone in this either, so many people including myself feel the way you feel too. You’ve got the support of us with you as well. Be kind to yourself and I hope one day you won’t be as scared anymore.

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@OCDinparadise Thanks you so much. I’m just trying to enjoy the present moments but in the back of my mind i keep getting the intrusive thoughts. Like me and my family are talking about how fun vacation is going to be next year and it’s so hard to focus on talking about the fun because in the back of mind i keep hearing or seeing intrusive thoughts. And they all pertain to Dahmer and it’s beyond scary.

OCDinparadise

Date posted: 2y

@Anon17 Of course! I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, it really is terrible. One day you’ll be able to not get scared by your thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts nothing more. You’re not a bad person for thinking something that you can’t help thinking about. You don’t want to think it, you just can’t help it. We never asked for this, so why should we punish ourselves for it.

rezator

Date posted: 2y

Dhamer did not worry that he is bad. That prove that you are not bad. And you are overthinking. If you feel good be happy, not spend energy for looking something wrong.

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@rezator That’s where I’m truly struggling. Like what If I’m not really worried. I think i am but what if I’m not. I’m just questioning everything. I don’t want to be bad but what if i am. Like i am really scared today because I’m not struggling with the images that I have been having. Like how did they just randomly go away?

Anon17

Date posted: 2y

@Anon17 Not to mention that i just feel weird today. Like i feel tired or hazy if that makes sense. I just don’t feel like me

OCDinparadise

Date posted: 2y

I went through something similar as well, here I hope this can help: https://youtu.be/3HSWTYuXi4c https://youtu.be/R4NJGtvCAUY These videos helped me out with understanding why I was feeling this way. It is normal to worry if you are your thoughts, sadly it comes with the disorder. Remember you asking for help and worrying shows you’re fine. You ARE NOT your thoughts. Terrible people wouldn’t ask for help because they’re worried they’re terrible. If you’re worried that the thoughts don’t bother you, don’t be, just enjoy the feeling of not worrying. You got used the feeling that your OCD brought so when it’s not bothering you, it feels weird. Like some kind of stockholm syndrome. You’re not a bad person. You’re gonna be just fine. I wish you peace and joy. Take care!

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

AJ Rose

Date posted: 22w

I’m having really bad thoughts of harm ocd

Im sleeping over my boys house and im having bad thoughts to hurt him and it’s like I can see myself acting on it. I never want to hurt anyone… I hope someone can comment or give me advice as I lie in bed watching crime documentary. It messes with my OCD creates false fantasies

alyssa_h

Date posted: 19w

i can’t do this much longer

i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…

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I’m so scared. Please help.

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