I feel so much guilt

I hate this so much. The guilt hurts so much even though I was just a teenager and my intentions don’t match up to anyone that would do horrible things. I just don’t know if the ocd is making it worse or I should actually be really concerned 💔 I hate myself with a passion and I’m not ok being me with the mistakes I’ve made and the stupid teenager I used to be. I’m trying to make a better life for myself. I have a job and I’m in college with a dream to become a graphic designer. I just can’t get to a good point in my life because I feel like I don’t deserve better. That I deserve horrible things to happen to me. I can’t do this. I brought it up again to my mom who knows everything and even my mom herself told me that I needed to let it go, stop punishing myself and that I’m being too hard on myself. I can’t even take my own moms advice. My dad used to tell me the same things before he passed too. My therapist is working with me on tools I can use when the ocd is attaching itself to the real event but it’s so hard to deal with. I wish I could go forward but I can’t when I have so much guilt telling me if I did I would be letting myself off the hook for something I should be punished for when all I’ve been doing the past 3 years is punishing myself for what I didn’t know better then 💔

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

When I just talked to my mom about it again she said that I need to let the past go and stop letting the “charges of the past get in the way of what God has in store for me” or something like that but the word “charges” really triggers me because that’s what I am the most afraid of. That I’m some horrible criminal that needs to give up even though I never wanted to be one and I never want to be one in the future. I don’t know what to do. I feel so much fear all the time

OCDHaver

Date posted: 3y

@Just Breathe ❤️ I know saying that I understand how you feel doesn’t do much, but I think everyone with real event, false memory, POCD, harm ocd, etc. understand that guilt you’re carrying, and I agree with your mom on that, you can’t look back at the past and live there, you can only live for today and the future will unwind as it will, for good or bad, no one knows, but our present is what we have control of

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

@OCDHaver I know. I’m just really scared because of what my mind is telling me about it because I hope it’s not true. I don’t want to be a monster

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

@OCDHaver I’m so scared

Volkswagen123@

Date posted: 3y

You feeling regret means your a good person . Let it go

Anna,hi!

Date posted: 3y

Is it okay to ask is does the mistake involve another person or what is considered illegal. Regardless you cannot change the past. The guilt that you are feeling probably is a symptom of ocd. You have to find somehow away to work through it so you can live your life. Of course it is easier said said than done, but you can do it!

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

@Get it done! I’m so scared because I don’t know. I really hope to god it wasn’t. I was into a fetish back in highschool and I would look up just the fetish itself but masturbation was involved but because it was a very common fetish and certain people would come up I’m scared that because they did and the self doing stuff I’m so scared it falls under the category of what a bad person would of done even though it had nothing to do with the people or art work or whatever on ifunny (which is where it was) and it could of been the fetish topic itself but the people or art wasn’t sexual at all but because of the m word and the fetish I’m so terrified and have been for years. It wasn’t my intention. I guess I should say it was a tickling fetish (don’t ask I have no idea) and I was young and stupid and then came across different things that had to do with the fetish I mean maybe it was reactions but it was NEVER about certain people because that’s not what I would ever look up directly if that makes sense. It was just about the embarrassing fetish to me nothing else but my mind says otherwise and that I should be punished when I punish myself everyday

Magzzz

Date posted: 3y

@Just Breathe ❤️ It happened a series of times from the age 15 to maybe 18 or 19 because I didn’t discover porn until I was 18 because I didn’t want to watch it but I stayed away from it for a long time until I went back and realized that it was not a good idea and I’ve been freaking out ever since every single day there’s not a moment that goes by that I don’t hate myself for what I didn’t know better back then when I should have

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