Memorie

Well all i can say is that OCD has no limits. It can latch onto anything. When it comes to OCD i can't say people shouldn't this/that or like OCD is not something like this or that...because it is. This mental illness has no logic. So the first thing you should try is to stop fighting it with logic. And secondly you should stop trying to be %100 percent sure of everything. It only feeds your OCD. We cannot be %100 sure of everything. At some point we should learn to live with uncertainties. Couple months avo i had an episode and i had similar thoughts. One second i was sitting feeling a bit better and doing whatever i was normally doing and the next second there was a voice in my head saying oh i'm gay, i think i'm gay. At the beginning these thoughts were making me scared giving me severe anxiety and discomfort. But later, hearing this voice repeating the same sentence started making me feel nothing. No fear, no anxiety, no discomfort. It was like i was empty. Then this feeling of emptiness started giving me anxiety. Like why was i not afraid. Why the thought of me accepting to be gay wasn't making me uncomfortable or anxious. Could this be a sign that i was really gay and was just accepting this. What i'm trying to say is that the pattern never changes. You deal with one thought but then another thought appears. Intrusive thoughts can be really sticky and logic do not work on them. Best way to overcome them is to simply ignore them. It doesn't matter how disgusting, how terrible and how realistic they may feel just try to ignore them. Or make fun of them. It helps too.

Honestly i'm still trying. I can say that our fight with OCD is a battle with no winning sides. All we do is fighting even though we don't even want to fight. But for some reason our brain doesn't let any side to win. But using humor helps me a lot. It worked for my other intrusive thoughts and it seems to be working on this one too. It helps my mind perceive these thoughts less scary. Because you can't be afraid of something you find ridiculously funny. For some reason, HOCD is a little more persistent than other subtypes. Maybe that's because it is closer to real life issues than other unreasonable or fictional intrusive thoughts. But i can say that i'm feeling a lot better than i was feeling months ago. I can feel it is getting less and less uncomfortable for me. And i feel the importance i give to this thought slowly reduces. For me it is a success because now i am able to move on with my daily life even with the anxiety. Everytime i manage to live my life without letting my intrusive thoughts steal its best moments, is a success for me. I hope it helps you too.

No i'm not in a relationship right now. But i agree that it is hard when you're in a relationship. Maybe that's why i don't want to be in one. When i think of it, avoiding relationships may be another compulsion. Because rather than dealing with other intrusive thoughts or triggering situations, being alone feels more safe and comfortable. It is not only romantically but also developing close friendships and having bestfriends may also be included in this situation. Sometimes it makes me feel like, the more i isolate myself, the more comfortable i will be.

I can understand why you feel like this. Maybe you are afraid that you are not into girls and you are actually in denial and that's why you don't want to spend time with your girlfriend. You may be afraid that spending time with her can be triggering because of these intrusive thoughts. Or maybe staying with your friends is your comfort zone and you feel safer and calmer in that environment. Honestly the reason could be anything. There is no use seeking logic in OCD. Being reasonable does not work. But maybe with baby steps, you can change this. Don't push yourself too hard. It doesn't have to be at once. But slowly and gradually you can try to leave your comfort zone.