If someone can please talk to me I just really need someone to talk to.. I’ve now been going through whatever this is for 6 months and it’s been the worst months of my life. I’ve made so much progress but at the moment my mind is stuck in the past and is making me feel bad for sexual things I used to do around 1/2 years ago. There was this app called hotel hideaway that I used to go on with my friends that was just people making their own avatars etc and when I was really horny I used to pretend having sex with people by typing stuff out and I used to masturbate to it..I didn’t give any personal details away etc but tbh I just feel like a weirdo for doing this. My minds like god you actually done that with random people and then my mind remembers specific details of it and makes me feel worse and worst of all is that I’m scared of how my family would react to this sort of thing.. I feel like a weirdo and I’m laying here crying my eyes out because I don’t know what todo anymore

I’m trying but I can’t let go, just feel like a weirdo .. ik I was horny and wasn’t thinking much but idk I just really dislike myself

Past is past, dont beat urself up for it

See, you did something in the past, but you dislike yourself in the present. Ot doesn't make sense. If you think that was something wrong (for me it wasn't, but your opinion matters here), just don't do it again. You can dislike your behavior in past, acknowledge it, and like yourself in the present - because in the present you are not doing it anymore.

Personally, I don’t think it was a big of a deal. I can’t help thinking what my close ones around me would think.

Yes, zg23, there's absolutely no reason why u should stop enjoying the NOW because ure beating urself up over the past. No matter how difficult & disgusting u think ur past was, i hope u find the courage to move past this, kay? U WILL

Uncertainty hurts you. You don't know what close ones would think about it. Maybe they would think like you, that it wasn't a big of deal, maybe the would think otherwise. Why is their opinion so important to you?

I guess their opinion is important, especially my sisters because I care about my family. I think it’s just my brain making a big deal out of it even though looking back I was just horny and was pretending to have sex because of that. Just can’t stop thinking about specifics of what I said on there etc and I’m trying to move past but I’m finding it hard. Guess it’s one of my major insecurities

I think you want so much your family to react positevely on this (like "meh, not big deal"), but you don't know how they would react - that's what is causing rumination about all the details. If I am correct, try to embrace this anxiety about uncertainty. You don't know how would they react, don't fight it.

Thanks I’m just too much in my head. I find meditation helps. Just that when I think back I forgot that there were real people behind them.

Important thing is to correctly identify compulsions - like, mby trying to change meaning on something, or looking for some magical explanations. Don't try to justify yourself, it's compulsion, that makes you feel better for one moment, but makes you ruminate more. That's vicious circle and that's why meditation helps.

Thanks I’ll try to move past it no matter what my brain tries to tell me even though it’s hard. I just have to live in the now . ❤️