😰😰

@Anonymous My happy moments!!!! They were the true me! I don’t want to! I can’t work! I need to go home and stay home! I can’t work!! Or maybe I can leave early

@gracek2218 I am nervous bc at first I knew it was ROCD. But now it’s like my ROCD is just gone. I am gonna switch my insurance so I can get help thru here.

@gracek2218 I’m convinced I just don’t love him anymore…

@gracek2218 That I’m using ROCD as an excuse…

@gracek2218 I just keep thinking I wanna break up but I’ve tested myself so much in the past two years… seeing my reaction….

@gracek2218 I don’t want to be in another relationship. I wanna work on things. I wanna get better mentally but I am fixated on our issues… when I didn’t obsess I knew I was okay. Confident. I loved him. But not lately.. I am worried bc of our issues I wanna leave him… 😢 they are solvable ones no abuse. I just don’t know what to do

@gracek2218 I don’t feel scared when I say I wanna break up when I test my reaction.., 😞

@7710 ❤️ Did you believe you were better!?!!!

@gracek2218 I want freedom… I believe I am in denial…. I believe I don’t love him that I am just with him to avoid breaking his heart…. I…I… have to break up!! 😢💔 I felt something when I gave him a hug yesterday… our living situation with my family is toxic… 😰 I try to tell myself things won’t change if we broke up…. 😢 my brain things I can have freedom if I broke up… I know deep down I still love him.. but this feeling isn’t stopping thinking I don’t love him isn’t stopping…. 💔😰😢 constantly feeling off with him bc of how I believe I don’t love him… no relief… I talk about getting better and when I do it’s like I am healed and just know I don’t love him…. 😰💔

@gracek2218 It’s like I can’t accept him anymore 😢💔

@gracek2218 This… isn’t real… this has to be ROCD!! 😰😰😢

@gracek2218 I keep testing myself by trying to send him a break up message… to see if I would send it… I don’t thankfully… It’s not getting… better… 😢💔

@7710 ❤️ You keep saying you are testing yourself - that’s the ROCD!! I also would always tell myself, maybe if we break up I’ll feel freedom - I’ll feel the weight of the world off my shoulders. I didn’t. In fact I felt crazy, alone, guilty, and horrible all around. I used to almost say to him - we are over just to see if my body would react in a bad way, and most of the time it did - until it didn’t. And that’s when I thought uh oh this means it’s time to breakup. It’s ok to not feel stereotypical “love” right now. That doesn’t mean you don’t love him in the right way. I remember noticing that sleeping next to my partner didn’t feel the same anymore. Like there was love missing. That was the anxiety and that’s ok. Everything you’re feeling is ok. If it makes you feel better. In the darkest hour of my anxiety, I told my partner that I don’t think I ever loved and that I never found him attractive. I regret saying those things and I don’t find them at all to be true anymore. It was just the OCD. It was the anxiety.

@gracek2218 Did you really believe you didn’t love him? 😢 did you obsess over issues…

@gracek2218 Did you think you wanted to be with someone else!? Did you actually think you didn’t want your partner? 😰

@gracek2218 Is breaking up the only way I am gonna know if I love him still? I still feel that ROCD is messing with me in some way.. I remember there were times I felt like this but randomly would be able to snap back when I saw him.

@gracek2218 I believe I only wanna break up to feel better. But it doesn’t feel that way 😢

@gracek2218 We can’t afford it. Due to my bad spending money habits I’m in debt and my partner is good at hanging on to money but gets paid very little…

@gracek2218 We don’t know what to do to make things better 😢💔

@gracek2218 Did you have anxiety?

@gracek2218 Did you ever feel you would have a better life without him? 😰

@gracek2218 I even bought him a Star Wars figure he’s been needing in his collection… 😢

@gracek2218 I keep trying to send him break up messages…. I remember I confessed on the NOCD app that I know I didn’t love him… thinking it would make me better but it didn’t… 😢💔

@gracek2218 Did you ever say you knew you didn’t love him over and over again!? I’ve been with this man for 12 years… I don’t wanna end it! I constantly feel forced when it was never like that before. I don’t wanna break up if ROCD is to blame. I remember years ago I almost broke up with him due to my anxiety levels being high… felt like this but it never felt genuine…. 😰💔

@gracek2218 I just keep saying I wanna break up and I don’t love him bc I feel relief from is and don’t get scared sometimes… but I have moments where I really do get scared bc he won’t be by my side anymore 😰💔

@gracek2218 Wait is that the current one now!?

@gracek2218 I can’t make this stop! It’s like I actually am okay with breaking up when I am not! This can’t be the end!! No!! We have fur babies together!! We bought things together! I love buying him things I…. I just want it back… this can’t be it for us 😭😭💔💔

@gracek2218 We are pretty much married! I refuse to believe my relationship is gonna die!! I won’t let it! I won’t let it die!!

@gracek2218 Does your anxiety get bad with light or weather change? I realize mine gets worse if there’s a lot of light in my room. So I sit in darkness

@gracek2218 It was my newest post… I think you could still easily find it

@gracek2218 I am just scared of a lot of things… Since living with my family the romantic part of our life went down due to no privacy. So that doesn’t help.. I am sorry if I am adding to your stress… I am just depressed big time… Just stuck badly right now… I couldn’t even talk to my best friend bc her relationship is a trigger of mine… so I have been avoiding her. 😢 It doesn’t help with the lack of romance due to my family never leaving the house… I just want alone time with my partner without screaming kids and mothers in the background… it has made me so depressed… before we lived her we lived with my best friend/husband since both are our best friends. It was wonderful and we had so much quiet/alone time. We could be more romantic there too. They left the house a lot. Lol My partner has issues going out in public places bc he has social anxiety. He went on a date with me awhile ago since I told him I wanna spark up the relationship more but then my ROCD said during the date you’re not in love with him and I was uncomfortable the whole time… we even go for walks but that even made me spiral.. so we haven’t done much since bc I am too afraid too try again… 😢 I like being home honestly I am a huge indoor person and thankfully he is too but he wants to do more out the house but I have been wanting to stay home. Since I work 40 hours a week. But thankfully I cut my hours down a bit so I don’t stress my brain out.

@gracek2218 I want to know… do you and your partner have any real issues besides ROCD!? Both of our mental states are crap.. but money is one of the biggest issues… my bad spending habits and my partners very low paying job… thoses are the biggest issues we have… I wanna go to couples counseling.. I don’t want the relationship to die… 😢 there has to be a way to fix things….

@gracek2218 There isn’t… 😞 we live in a bedroom upstairs… we a near my nieces bedroom they are on the other side of the wall… then my sister’s room is across the hall… I wanna cry… the break up urge is so very strong.. 😭 I can’t take it! What happens if there’s no voices… I get some but not as much. Dealing with uncomfortable feelings… 😰 I wish today was a half day at work…. Freaking out so badly!! 😰 I literally listen to instrumental music from video games that are calming… like resident evil 7 the theme is called the sad truth… it’s calming but but my anxiety still peeks.. I am worried I actually wanna leave the relationship… but I wanna save it I don’t want it to die 😭😭💔💔

@gracek2218 I don’t wanna end it! 😰 I don’t know if this is me or not anymore… 😰😢💔

@gracek2218 I’m scared bc I think I am attracted to someone else… 😭😭 I don’t even wanna be with that person!

@7710 ❤️ At work! Which is why I wanna quit my job and work somewhere else. I love my partner! I wanna fix things!