- Date posted
- 2y
Cant move past this
I'm 35/f. I take 200mg of Zoloft. I am also a teacher. I had a very bad spike back in April that resulted in me moving from Zoloft 150mg to 200mg. 2 weeks ago we were about to go on fall break and I was stressed due to a fight with my mother and making assignments and grading things. On Tuesday I was making a quiz for my AP lit. Kids. The point of these tests are supposed to be super hard so I was having to create wrong answers for it. The quiz was over a poem about good and evil (because we are preparing to read Frankenstein) and I made this question about good and evil in an poem. 3. The lines “they are a fundamental force/ within the hearts of men” implies A:) Good and Evil are a result of Original Sin B:) The concepts of Good and Evil only exist because they were created by humans C:) Humans will always be coerced by both Good and Evil D:) Free will does not affect the strength of Good and Evil It was response B that I created that immediately made me have a panic attack. My brain spiraled. If these are human concepts, then what stops us from being evil? What if I start being evil and hurting people as a result? And then to test myself, I would think of something evil I could do and see if that gave me anxiety. Sometimes it would, but most of the time it didn't, so not have anxiety made me feel like something was wrong. Since then I have felt flat and of course have tried to think about harming someone and then judging my reaction. Now I'm like lost in my thoughts like "what's the point? What even are feelings? Why are we here? How did we even come up with words to explain how we feel" And the only thing I can feel is exhausted, sad, and anxious. I try to keep going and do things and my brain starts yelling "why? Whats the point?" I try to say "maybe there isn't one and maybe there is. Not your job to answer" I'm taking Vistaril each day 25mg 2x a day, and I restarted my thyroid meds thinking maybe that's what caused it. I have called several therapists and one actually met with Monday but wasn't sure if we would be a good fit. I'm not getting anywhere and it'll be 3 weeks since the panic attack. I'm scared I can't get back to the old me and like a veil has come off. What can I do?