I’m sick and it’s making me worse mentally

@devin2023 Thank you. I wish I could believe you and the other people who have told me the same, even my own mom but I can’t seem to. I have so much guilt and it hurts a lot. I feel like I’m the exception and that I deserve the worst. I get what you are saying but I don’t feel like it applies to me. I am afraid to death that I’m a horrible person. But like you said if I’m worried so much wouldn’t that be a good thing? Wouldn’t that tell that I know that I made mistakes and I would never ever make the same mistakes knowing what I know now but didn’t know then? That I never had bad intentions even when I made the mistake but my mind doesn’t care and literally makes the worst possible scenario run through my mind no matter what time of the day or what I’m doing? It’s torture. I appreciate your help I really do. I hope you feel better too. I hope we all can find peace one day

@devin2023 I completely understand how you feel. It’s never ending it seems. But as I’ve heard before it’s the ocd that’s the problem not the real event. We could obsess all day long but it won’t change anything. But we can resist compulsions and fight the ocd demon. I’m all the time trying to “figure it out” and it’s exhausting. Thank you for understanding and I hope you feel better. You are not alone as well. We got this 🙏🏻

@devin2023 You mean like when you have a birthday or Christmas and you want to enjoy your day and time with family and friends and they want to give you gifts and you tell them no because you feel as though you don’t deserve it? Or when an exciting thing happens and your mind literally won’t shut up about the real event and makes you feel like you don’t deserve joy or excitement in life? I completely understand. I always wonder if people have gone through that as well. I feel like I’m very alone sometimes and it’s sad that so many people don’t even reach out for help because they feel alone and that no one could possibly understand. OCD is so stigmatized and it breaks my heart

@devin2023 Oh yeah for sure I completely get that. Yeah I heard about her new album but I haven’t listened to it yet. I’ve never been a huge fan but I have a lot of respect for her as an artist. But I totally get how OCD literally tries to ruin everything that brings joy no matter what it could be. It’s really sad that people who don’t know it’s ocd have to live with the thoughts they have saying that they are alone and that their isn’t help out there. And as people with ocd in this community we have the opportunity to speak out for those people and fight for their chance to find happiness in a world of darkness and fear. I hope one day I can help advocate the topic of the stigma behind ocd. I would never want anyone to have to go through what I did or the others on this app that didn’t have it easy with finding support or treatment. I’m very grateful I found NOCD. It’s a place where people can finally feel heard. That is truly incredible. Anyways I’m rambling I’m sorry but it’s something that I really care about. I just want people with ocd to know that. It’s not fair. It sucks and it’s literally torture but to know you aren’t in it alone makes a huge difference with getting better.

@devin2023 I definitely agree. You don’t understand what it’s like to be in someone’s situation unless you have lived it yourself. I wish my mom would understand that sometimes. She misunderstands me a lot and it’s frustrating. She just doesn’t understand mental health at all because she’s never been through it except grief unfortunately. My dad passed away last year and my brother passed in 2013 so that I get but she all the times talks to me like she understands my ocd better than me and that’s so not the case. Mental health in general is so misunderstood and people toss it around like it’s nothing when it’s literally something that so many people deal with. It doesn’t mean we are crazy. It doesn’t mean that we are lazy. It doesn’t mean that we don’t care. The crap I hear everyday about mental illness from people who don’t understand it or never experienced it, really irks me. Yeah I probably should lol. I was listening to Meghan Trainors new album and it’s pretty good. Rainbow and Superwoman are really good and also I can’t get Made You Look out of my head because of TikTok 😂😂

@devin2023 It gets on my nerves when people say that too! People at my job say it all the time and all I can think is only if you knew how debilitating it really is you wouldn’t toss the disorder around like it’s not important. I wish I could joke about it. It’s not a joke. It’s hell. I’m sorry to hear that about you and your mom too. My mom and I never got along but I feel like when I told her about POCD and that I thought I had it (before I got officially diagnosed by NOCD) she would call me names and she completely twisted it and made the trauma of the theme worse. I really don’t want to get too much into that though because it hurts. I feel like she gets that it’s ocd but sometimes I will start talking to her about how I feel and it’s like she says “it’s just your ocd. It’s all in your head” to avoid even talking about it or avoids helping me. It’s rough. I had to go through it myself but before my dad passed he was my biggest supporter. He always listened and talked to me about it and helped me feel better when I would get so down and now that he’s not here anymore, I’m not doing well because he was literally the person I could go to about anything ocd related or even mental health related and he would go with me to the store, but an energy drink and some snacks and we would play video games to get my mind off of everything and then we would talk about it. I miss my dad a lot. He was really awesome. Unfortunately OCD attacked that too. I was in a lot of denial when he passed that I just didn’t give myself the time to grieve. The other day I went to the bar with my friends and I got drunk and had a anxiety attack and just started screaming that I missed my dad and why did he have to die. It was embarrassing but my friends knew what was going on because they knew him too so they knew how to deal with it. It sucks. Truly sucks. I’m sorry I keep going on about this stuff. I know it’s vulnerable and deep I just feel like texting it out and venting kind of helps I guess. Yeah it’s really good! I love Meghan Trainor. She’s really awesome

@devin2023 I completely get it. Once my mom realized that it’s ocd she calmed down a bit but I don’t go to her about it anymore. It definitely doesn’t help. Haha yeah I love her song “No” it’s really good. I just like her as a person. She’s awesome

@devin2023 I understand this app can be very triggering I’ve come across some really anxiety inducing. I’m so sorry I don’t give out my socials or number for privacy reasons but I really wish you the best. I hope you feel better soon! Stay strong friend! 🙂