Blunt experience

Hey guys, I get stuck in an OCD loop and it's pretty severe. I just want to know if anyone experiences it or if it's far more than OCD. I'm pretty much numb to thoughts by this point but they still happen and it's pretty annoying. So I have SOCD and I constantly stare at other females. It's not "oh are they pretty", no more like I'll picture them bending down and flashing their genitals then I get aroused and it's really annoying. It happens with EVERY female, not just "pretty people". I started fantazing about my 80 year old neighbor so nothing is off the table. I'm exhausted. All day it's genitals, focused ONLY on females. My brain wants to know every crease, every drop of dirt on their body ect. I hate that I think this way. I've also been in a relationship with my boyfriend whom in the past I've been very attracted to. I feel so numb around him, uncaring and not interested in him anymore. It all started with HOCD and ROCD and now it'd truly ruined my relationship. I'd like to think this isn't the end, I want to feel in love and happy again but I feel so hopless. I'm losing my mind. My thoughts are so troubling I don't know what to do anymore. I'm still in TOCD where it's trying to convince me I'm trans Eben though my whole life I never thought I was. I loved being female.now I have trouble dressing girly and looking at myself in the mirror because I'm "trans" and I don't look like a man. EVEN THOUGH IM NOT AND DONT WANT TO BE. It's horrifying but I'm starting to accept this must just be the new me and I guess I have to be a fucking guy now. I'm so lost. I constantly think I'm gay, I don't want to be, I've had plenty of crushes on men and I've been greatly in love with my boyfriend and I hope to be again. I just want this to stop, I don't even recognize myself anymore. I can't stay in the moment anymore, I'm always in my head. Please help I'm losing my mind.