lisalove912
- Date posted
- 2y
Always feel like my partner will leave or cheat
And advice/coping when stuck in this need to know?
Mau NLMau NL
- Date posted
- 2y
Oh i know how you feel. But i also know that you can stop feeling that way. The way it works is that you stop all mental and physical compulsions to get reassurance. And give your partner all the freedom he/she needs. You will start to have positive experiences then, which rewire your brain and which make that your brain learns that you don't have to be afraid. What are your compulsions?
lisalove912 lisalove912
- Date posted
- 2y
@Mau NL Asking who they are talking to/have talked to. Do you love me? Are we/you ok? Are you mad? Why do you have female friends?
Mau NLMau NL
- Date posted
- 2y
Ah yes I can relate. It may sound counter intuitive, but if you stop asking those questions, after a while you will feel such freedom yourself. And your partner will actually move more towards. You might want to try it :-)
lisalove912 lisalove912
- Date posted
- 2y
@Mau NL Thank you I’m gonna try it and fight hard against asking the insecure questions I’m constantly fixating on. It’s hard because it’s it all I think about. Be it coming from past hurt or some current hurt it’s still there you know?
lisalove912 lisalove912
- Date posted
- 2y
@Mau NL And trust is a big part of it. Not trusting and all. Did you go through that too?
Mau NLMau NL
- Date posted
- 2y
@lisalove912 The mother of my kids fell in love with her boss (10 years ago now), had an affaire with him the last 4 months of our marriage and left me (she is still with him). I can imagine your hurt and the trust issues first hand. And i also know how that interferes in your new relationships. But... ...i now know that my ocd was already a significant issue when i met the mother of my kids (i was 17, and we have been together 18 years). I have had compulsions all my adult life (not knowing that until i was 43, and i am 45 now). ...and... ...i now know that is were the compulsions that fed into my distrust, creating distance with my partners in my relationships. I realized that one day, and knew that i had to stop the compulsions. I now have no trust issues anymore. I actually think that i could not mourne for being left because of the compulsions. I think i really have let go now. I am with my current partner for 3 years now, and i have healed within this relationship, r ocd present a lot (and still is actually). But it were the compulsions that made it impossible to trust. Now i trust her and also myself. And she has to go abroad for her work to Denmark, Finland, sweden, the UK quite often. I still do have intrusive images of her cheating or being raped, but it were the compulsions that gave them meaning. Since i stopped the compulsions, it are just thoughts, images and feelings in my body. I found trust underneath those layers. You can do that too!
Mau NLMau NL
- Date posted
- 2y
@lisalove912 I am from the Netherlands by the way.
Mau NLMau NL
- Date posted
- 2y
@lisalove912 Thinking about them is a mental compulsion, which makes that you keep on thinking them. Actually asking them is also part of the rabbit-hole-loop. Stop asking them will increase your fears at first, but you will see that after that, you will think about it less and less, until one day you realize that you feel free(er), more free then you ever did before. You got this!
Mau NLMau NL
- Date posted
- 2y
*you
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