Am I still in love or just avoiding a breakup after 12 years?

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I no longer get reactions to testing my feelings… Right now I am just sitting here thinking have I ever been truly happy with him? Do I actually just wanna break up?… I am sitting here believing I don’t love him romantically anymore thinking I am only with him to avoid hurting him… that deep down I know I don’t love him anymore… that I don’t wanna admit it.. that’s all I am thinking about… I am worried I don’t love him enough to move forward with him… 💔😢 I love him a lot I really do and just sitting with theses feelings are difficult enough. It’s affecting my work performance since I always walk off and hide. To read about ROCD. I even had my hours cut short so I don’t have to be there long like this. But I think I just hate my job to be honest… it’s burning me out… so I think I need a new one… I just don’t know what to do… I don’t wanna break up with him but then this thought comes in and makes me think I am with him for the wrong reasons. Can’t have sex as much as I would want to bc then I think I am not attracted to him enough… I still touch him but then I stop… My 12 year relationship is gonna die… how can I sit here and let this feeling pass…

Relationship OCD

Username: JoshyB93JoshyB93

Date posted: 2y ago

It’s rough I know and I’m sorry you’re going through that I’ve been in similar circumstances myself. You guys have a lot of love in the tank otherwise y’all wouldn’t have made it 12 years. But from reading your post I hear I think this and I think that I think I think I think and I doubt. I want you to see that’s what’s OCD does it’s a bully and I want to encourage you by saying you’re not your thoughts

Username: Angela_89Angela_89

Date posted: 2y ago

I get it's hard you are feeling numb because of stress you have been feeling because of ROCD but you need to actually get help, this is like the 3rd time I've said it probably even more

Username: JoshyB93JoshyB93

Date posted: 2y ago

I agree with Angela we can argue with these thoughts all day long and we’ll find ourselves in the same place it’s a never ending cycle and we’ll never have peace while we stay in that cycle but you’re capable and I know you can do it!

Username: 7710 ❤️7710 ❤️

Date posted: 2y ago

Then thinking I am not happy… doesn’t help.. then I think to myself do I actually just want to end it.. am I just unhappy and dont wanna admit it… I constantly do research looking up stuff hoping anything I find can give me relief or I look up what an unhappy relationship is like.. or looking up can an unhappy relationship be saved constantly obsessing over it… Worried constantly if I just love him as a friend… 💔💔

Username: 7710 ❤️7710 ❤️

Date posted: 2y ago

Worried that I either just wanna break up for relief or bc I want to….

Username: 7710 ❤️7710 ❤️

Date posted: 2y ago

Why don’t I feel sad… why can’t I stop this… I keep saying I am gonna break up over and over again… 😞 I want relief.. it’s honestly like I don’t care anymore that I am gonna give in…. I just don’t know what I want anymore… I want things to go back to normal again.. can ROCD really be this bad…

Username: 7710 ❤️7710 ❤️

Date posted: 2y ago

Don’t know what to think anymore… don’t know if breaking up is something I truly want or not… I can’t even tell if I’m numbed out or not…

Username: 7710 ❤️7710 ❤️

Date posted: 2y ago

😭😭😭😭 no!!

Username: KauannecpKauannecp

Date posted: 2y ago

Hi, did you try ERP therapy and meds? How long you feeling this?

Username: 7710 ❤️

Date posted: 2y ago

I hate hearing love is a choice… when I constantly feel nothing for him… it hurts… when I am loving him it’s like I am faking it and leading him on… I avoid sex completely bc of it… I want to love him like before. I want to cuddle and hold him tightly… it’s everyday now… it’s like if I talk to him about this it’s like I am gonna break up with him… I just want to love him peacefully again. I’ve had mild ROCD for years and NEVER did it feel like this… It’s like I gave into and just want to give up but I know I don’t want to. I know if I leave I will wanna be with him again. It’s like my brain has flatlined when it comes to him…

Relationship OCD

Username: 7710 ❤️

Date posted: 2y ago

I really need someone to talk to… just to vent… if not.. i just need get this out and everything can ignore if they want.… I don’t know what to do… I know I’ve been severely obsessing for 2 year about if I truly love my partner or not for 2 years… I am severely saddened about how I feel right now…. Before I knew I wanted to love him and stay.. it felt genuine like I was really mentally sick… but now… my partner looks like a stranger to me, I get annoyed at him easily even if he’s just sitting still… it’s like he’s a different person to me and I hate it… I wanted so badly for me to know if I love him or not… and it’s like our time together never happened… I don’t cuddle talk or do much of anything anymore with him and it bothers me… I feel no emotional connection with him… maybe his flaws are too much for me… 😢😢 I don’t know…. I want to love him again like before but I completely feel like I’m lying to him and myself… I don’t wanna end my relationship I really don’t want to… I do t know how badly ROCD can get but… this is the worst I’ve ever had… my relationship is gonna die… 😢 I’m sitting here quietly crying while he is asleep….

Username: 7710 ❤️

Date posted: 1y ago

It’s over… I lost..

I don’t think I have ROCD anymore.. I believe I have fallen out of love with my partner… 💔 I still do compulsions and try to test myself but it doesn’t work anymore. I think about my happy moments and cry bc I want that to be the true me… I am just at this point convinced I don’t love him the same way anymore.. that ROCD just tricked me… I don’t feel numb but I am unhappy.. I cry randomly but not as much. I just… believe in am with him to avoid hurting him.. I’m just worried I don’t wanna admit it.. 😞 Can ROCD do this? Or can a relationship be saved even if I fell out of love!? I just know I am mentally exhausted. I even wanted to say I love you to him but didn’t bc of how bad this is… felt that I had no right…

Relationship OCD

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Am I still in love or just avoiding a breakup after 12 years?

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