I’ve reached a breaking point and people seem to be noticing. A week ago somebody had moved something at work on my desk and it bothered me so much it sent me into a breakdown. Like I’ve always had ocd and the more I think about it I feel like I’ve always had ROCD because growing up I’d have such strong feelings for boys and then as soon as I was about to date them, cut them off because in my head I was scared they would have to settle. Like I’d purposely find something I don’t like about them and then get scared I’d have to spend my life with them. I was 15, why would I be marrying them??? in my head it made sense though. Every connection I had with a boy was alway ruined with these thoughts. I’d be out on a date and then see another cute boy and then be like wow do I really want to go any further with the guy I’m on a date with if there are so many other guys out there??? How do I know they’re the one?? I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing but it makes sense that I’ve had it all my life right?? I always passed it off as being really picky but now it just seems like ROCD. And then my family really honing in on my relationships and asking when I’d get a boyfriend really fucked with me. In my head I’d be like “I’ll get one when I find the right one” but to them I always had a feeling they thought I was just gay. Like I’d get so defensive like hello I’m just picky!!! Then everyone at work started asking and the more they’d ask the more I’d start to worry. I’d be more cautious of the way I’d dress and things I’d do and I’m starting to think that all that started to build up and now I have HOCD. Does that seem like a possibility to anyone? because now the intrusive thoughts are just “what if you’re not picky and you’re just gay?” but then I think back to all the times and all the feelings I’ve had for so many guys that got ruined because of my fears of commitment. Could it have been ROCD all along?

I suffered from major rocd a few months and I experienced the same things you had and my hocd actually started because my rocd made me think "boys won't like cause I'm too rigid or too ugly, does that mean I will turn gay? " and I've never been in an actual relationship either. That is rocd and no experience has nothing to do with it but ocd uses it againts us

like I know that ROCD usually affects people in relationship but could it affect people who have never been in relationships? Like could it stop people from being in a relationship??? Growing up they ALWAYS terrified me and then a year ago I met someone and was like “hey let me give this whole thing a try” and I was so excited and happy around him and I think a little obsessed because he met every expectation on my list and then he broke my heart. I think I was so willing to be with him because he was everything I’ve ever wanted that I was willing to look past all my fears and fight through them even though I was scared. My family would always be like “you’re such a pretty girl why don’t you have a boyfriend?” And the more they asked the more I started to wonder why and I think that stuck with me and then when I went through that traumatic event it all hit me all at once and out my brain through the ringer and now I’m stuck with all thse fucking problems.

and the worst part is that I’d be sooo jealous of girls growing up, constantly thinking “they’re so lucky they can date boys and bring them home and be sooo comfortable doing so” like my friends never thought twice about who they dated or fucked, and I’m over here constantly second guessing like “well if I fuck him then he’ll get feelings and if he gets feelings I’ll have to date him but he has a weird thumb nail and I can’t imagine marrying someone with a weird thumb nail “ and then i would turn myself off of them. Every single relationship I almost got in was ruined because of this mindset. Is that ROCD?