- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I suffered from major rocd a few months and I experienced the same things you had and my hocd actually started because my rocd made me think "boys won't like cause I'm too rigid or too ugly, does that mean I will turn gay? " and I've never been in an actual relationship either. That is rocd and no experience has nothing to do with it but ocd uses it againts us
- Date posted
- 5y ago
That was me once! It was with my first like intense crush or maybe not I don’t really remember. But it was intense. I liked him sooo much. But then my crush all of the sudden left. But as soon as I thought he liked me and acted too clingy, I started pushing him away. That was around he first time I got my first wave of hocd. It got me wondering if I stopped liking him because I didn’t like guys altogether. I soon realized that was bs, that it was normal for girls to do That. And then I forgot it. Until now, it’s back. I fear I stopped liking him because I was gay all this time
- Date posted
- 5y ago
like I know that ROCD usually affects people in relationship but could it affect people who have never been in relationships? Like could it stop people from being in a relationship??? Growing up they ALWAYS terrified me and then a year ago I met someone and was like “hey let me give this whole thing a try” and I was so excited and happy around him and I think a little obsessed because he met every expectation on my list and then he broke my heart. I think I was so willing to be with him because he was everything I’ve ever wanted that I was willing to look past all my fears and fight through them even though I was scared. My family would always be like “you’re such a pretty girl why don’t you have a boyfriend?” And the more they asked the more I started to wonder why and I think that stuck with me and then when I went through that traumatic event it all hit me all at once and out my brain through the ringer and now I’m stuck with all thse fucking problems.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I got those thoughts too once!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
and the worst part is that I’d be sooo jealous of girls growing up, constantly thinking “they’re so lucky they can date boys and bring them home and be sooo comfortable doing so” like my friends never thought twice about who they dated or fucked, and I’m over here constantly second guessing like “well if I fuck him then he’ll get feelings and if he gets feelings I’ll have to date him but he has a weird thumb nail and I can’t imagine marrying someone with a weird thumb nail “ and then i would turn myself off of them. Every single relationship I almost got in was ruined because of this mindset. Is that ROCD?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Idk. I don’t think I have it but that experience really just strengthens my hocd
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w ago
It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 9w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond