Idk how to feel: I know in my own perfect world I want to be married. But my body and mind convince me otherwise. I get aroused by other men, and it is pleasurable, but deep down I wish it wasn’t there.
About arousals its happening to me lately fam
I would add, I would never “come out” because it’s not authentic to who I am. But I do feel arousal
This stuff is so convincing i came out a few times i hate this
@Sp1999 I actually have same sex attraction though. I don’t think it’s HOCD because it doesn’t cause me anxiety
@stevenuniverse So are you bi? Can you help me
@Sp1999 I have same sex attraction. But am attracted to CERTAIN women. Women who are my friends whom I find attractive. Sexual attraction develops with them when an emotional bond has been created. But I don’t lust for women how I lust for men. If that makes sense
@stevenuniverse Oh, now im worried thats me
@Sp1999 First you have to figure out if is HOCD or denial. Talk it over with a therapist
@stevenuniverse Ive been diagnosed twice on this app from two different therapist
@stevenuniverse Im 23 ,male and as far as I know I always been straight but one night my i got really high and h*rny. My gf was on her period and i went into the bathroom to do my business and i went onto google images because my phone noise didn't work and was looking at pictures of ladies and got into the feeling and didn't notice a picture I passed and noticed it felt "better" but i was damn near finished and basically checked myself with that pic and was like why does it feel better then finished but then was confused if i really loved the feeling or the actual picture
@Sp1999 What did the therapists say?
@stevenuniverse Which one
@Sp1999 Both of them. Did they say it was ocd?
@stevenuniverse Yes I was diagnosed
@stevenuniverse I was even hospitalized because of how bad I spiraled , its been almost 2 years and it feels so real
@Sp1999 Maybe you are gay. Maybe you aren’t gay. Live in the peace of uncertainty. Live in the freedom of not knowing
@Sp1999 I have had a similar experience to this. Your not alone. Many peoples hocd has started from things like this
@Myheadhurts35 Im scared , its non stop and itd made me feel like im alone 💔... I dont wamma be alone
@Myheadhurts35 Im tired of being alone
@Sp1999 Your 100% not alone. I also had an experience where I tested myself and my body responded. I was so scared, like you, and it felt even more real. I’m sorry your going through this but your 100% not alone
@Myheadhurts35 Its weird bc its like I wasnt even there for the men or nothing
@Sp1999 I know. It’s really scary I understand. But if I could give you any advice it’s, I know you probably hate to hear this. But I promise I have asked and received so so much reassurance like all the reassurance you can get and it’s got to the point where it doesn’t help me anymore and it’s horrible. I feel reassurance is okay sometimes when you feel like your about to break but please. Take it from me. You don’t want to become like me. Try and not ask for reassurance too to much. All the best
@Myheadhurts35 I know i know 😔. Thankyou
@stevenuniverse I can't do that fam. I do not want to be gay,bi,pan ect. I want nothing to do with liking a man in any way
@Sp1999 I get it bro. But just because you want cheesecake doesn’t mean you’re gonna eat it. It’s unhealthy only when it’s consumed. The desire in itself is not bad, it’s something out of our control
@stevenuniverse What do you mean bro
@stevenuniverse I dont want a dude if thats what your saying
@Sp1999 Be comforted knowing who you are. If seeing a guy brings “panic” know that’s it’s OCD. Our first instinct is going to be to try to run away from it, but exposure therapy is the best. Do you know what it is?
@stevenuniverse Yeah man its ocd , We talked before
@Sp1999 Exposure. Instead of running from it, run INTO it. David & Goliath.
@stevenuniverse I try but it feels to real so I dont go through because I dont want it
@Sp1999 I feel the same about being a priest. I try to avoid anything that has to do with it. I run from church sometimes. But I’m trying to just let that thought be a thought, and not let it affect my life and being okay with being uncomfortable
@Sp1999 Do you have discord?
@stevenuniverse I used to have discord and I feel like we are talking about different things bro
@Sp1999 I have OCD about being a priest. You have OCD about being gay. What I’m trying to say is don’t run from the thought of “I don’t want to be gay.” Rather, you have to run into it. In the same way, I have to run into my own OCD.
@stevenuniverse I just wish I knew or someone can help me know if this isnt really real and just ocd nothing more
This shit has to be one of the most confusing subtypes of ocd because no matter what you will never find clarity. When it started it wasn’t as bad and confusing because it was mostly anxiety. But when it started getting physical that’s when it got extremely confusing because I feel tension and fear when thinking of gay stuff but while testing I get arousal sensations so the big question is “if I am afraid of it how can my body respond as if I’m into it and if I’m into it how does my body respond with fear as if I’m not” and it’s endless. I wish I never started testing my arousal so I never started getting groinals to gay stuff in the first place. But there’s no going back now.
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help
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